Mary Jane by Jessica Blau (debian ebook reader TXT) 📗

Dr. Cone stood. “Shall we do this in the Office?”

“Let’s do it.” Jimmy stood and stretched. His shirt lifted, revealing the downy hair on his belly.

“The beach? That Office?” I asked, though of course I knew the answer.

“Yeah, it’s really been a good place to open up, Mary Jane. The sound of the waves, the smell of the sea air—it brings youdown to the basics. It reminds us that we’re alive, just another part of the physical world.”

“Baby!” Sheba hugged me. “Is this your first time in therapy?”

“Uh. Yeah.” I hadn’t really thought of it in those terms. That I was going to be in therapy.

“I’m bringing some wine.” Mrs. Cone held a bottle against her chest like a baby.

“What about Izzy?” I asked.

“She’s too young for this.” Dr. Cone shook his head. “But soon.”

“No, I mean, what about leaving her alone in the house? What if she wakes up and no one’s here?”

“Has she ever woken up since we’ve been here?” Mrs. Cone lifted the bottle and took a sip.

“No, but what if she does? Won’t she be scared to find no one home?”

“We’ll leave the doors to the beach open so she knows where to go.” Dr. Cone waved his arm as if to indicate the flow of air,the flow of Izzy.

“Mary Jane, Mary Jane!” Jimmy sang, and he walked out the door. Mrs. Cone followed him, the bottle of wine dangling from one hand.

Dr. Cone opened the door to the screened porch and pushed a wicker chair against it so it would stay open. Then he openedthe screen door to the beach, and put another wicker chair there. “That should work.” He nodded to the side, meaning I shouldgo out.

“Okay. But wait.” I wasn’t sure if I was really this nervous about leaving Izzy alone or if I was avoiding the pending familytherapy. “Are there any animals that might enter the house and attack Izzy?”

“Mary Jane.” Sheba spoke firmly. “Take my hand. You’re coming with me.”

“Izzy will be fine.” Dr. Cone smiled at me. “No beach animals will enter the house and attack her. But I do appreciate yourconcern. You’ll make an excellent mother one day.”

Sheba pulled me out of the house. The moon was up and stars were scattered across the sky like spilled milk. It was light enough to see our bare feet as we walked through the dunes to the spot where Jimmy and Mrs. Cone waited. They were on the sheet, lying on their sides, facing each other. The bottle of wine leaned against Mrs. Cone’s breasts.

I sat cross-legged at Mrs. Cone’s feet. Jimmy sat up and crossed his legs and then Mrs. Cone sat up and tucked her legs behindher. Sheba hiked up her dress all the way to her pink underpants and then sat cross-legged next to Jimmy. Mrs. Cone swiveledaround and pulled up her dress so that she, too, was sitting cross-legged. Dr. Cone sat between Sheba and Mrs. Cone.

Mrs. Cone took another sip from the bottle. Dr. Cone shot her a quick look. Usually the drinking of wine was more discreet.

“Mary Jane.” Dr. Cone looked at me. The whites of his eyes glinted. “This is a place where everyone is honest and open. There’snothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed of. We share our feelings, and we don’t judge each other. We accept each other andwe accept ourselves.”

I nodded at Dr. Cone, feeling even more nervous. Did I have to announce what Izzy and I had seen on the dunes?

“It’s all very frank,” Sheba said. “But you’re smart enough and grown-up enough to handle adult conversation, and to listenwithout freaking out about issues around sexuality, and childhood traumas we’re all still dealing with, our current relationshipsand all the complications there, of course.”

“Okay.” I nodded at Sheba now. Did I have to speak? The idea of talking about any of those things, especially sexuality—inlight of the fact that I was a sex addict—was as terrifying a thing as I had ever imagined.

Dr. Cone said, “Let’s start by going around the circle and just checking in. Saying how we each feel. Where we are emotionallyright now.”

“I’m feeling a little drunk.” Mrs. Cone tilted up the bottle and slugged down the last drops. “And maybe I smoked too much pot?”

“In light of Jimmy’s struggles, maybe we could all cool it on the weed, whites, and wine.” Dr. Cone looked directly at Mrs.Cone as he said this.

Sheba started singing, “And if you give meeeeee weed, whites, and . . .”

I had only recently learned that weed was the same thing as Mary Jane, but I had no idea what whites were. Probably somethingelse Mrs. Cone smoked or drank.

“I’m feeling a little anxious.” Jimmy looked right at Dr. Cone. “Today was a bit of a fuckup, and I’m not feeling good aboutit. But I think my emotions have been pent up inside me, and instead of talking it through, I let my urges burst out in inappropriateways. So. Uh. Yeah. I’m anxious.” Jimmy pulled a joint from one back pocket and a lighter from the other. He lit the joint,took a hit, then passed it to Sheba.

Sheba took a hit. Smoke puffed out of her mouth when she said, “I’m feeling incredible love for Jimmy. And pride, too. I mean,he’s working so hard. And I feel grateful for all of you. For this beautiful family.” Sheba and Jimmy stared at each other.They were both smiling with their mouths closed. Sheba then passed the joint to Mrs. Cone.

“Mary Jane?” Dr. Cone said.

“Uh, um.” I felt like I might throw up. Would Sheba still love Jimmy once she knew about his lovemaking in the dunes withBeanie Jones? Would the Cones fire me if they knew that I was a sex addict? “I feel very worried and nervous.”

“Why?” Sheba asked.

“Uh.” I looked from Jimmy to Dr. Cone, to Jimmy again.

“It’s cool,” Jimmy said. “You can say anything.”

Dr. Cone said, “Why don’t we let the others speak first since this is Mary Jane’s first time in therapy?”

“Okay, I’ll