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car to look for you, but then I’d realized I had no fucking clue where to go. And then you come home completed wasted? How could you be so reckless?”

“It was one night, Jacob. And I’m home in one piece.”

I could tell it wasn’t good enough for him.

“How can you drink like that?” I braced myself for what he would say next. “After everything you’ve been through with—”

“Don’t say it,” I said. “I’m not anything like him.”

“Could have fooled me.”

My heart drummed in my ears. I wanted to crawl in a dark hole. “Fuck you, Jacob. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I know more than you think.”

“Why? Because we’ve known each other since we were kids? You think that makes you an expert on my life?” I folded my hands over my chest and walked toward him. “You missed a lot while you were away. People change, okay? And I’m not the same girl I was when you left. I’m sorry if that disappoints you.”

“Look.” He sighed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I’m just trying to look after you. Why are you acting like that’s a bad thing?”

“I don’t need you looking out for me. I’m perfectly capable of handling things on my own. I was doing it fine way before you showed up, and I’ll be just as fine when you leave.” The words just fell out. Maybe it was the lack of sleep, or the frustration of not remembering everything I did last night.

Jacob swiped at his face. “Then maybe I should go.” He grabbed his bookbag and stomped into my room. I followed him there.

“What are you doing?” My voice had regained a calm tone.

“What does it look like?”

“It looks like you’re packing.”

He didn’t respond and shoved some of his clothes into the bag.

“Where are you going?” I followed him into the bathroom where he grabbed his toothbrush and threw that into the bag.

“I’m leaving, Maeve.”

“I got that part, but where?”

No response.

“Jacob.”

I continued to follow him back into the living room until he reached the front door. I used to have panic attacks when I was younger, but they went away after I moved to Aunt Meg and Uncle Jim’s, and I hadn’t had one since. But at that moment—realizing he was actually going to leave— it knocked the wind right out of me. That unpreventable feeling of dread consumed me in an instant.

“Jacob, this is crazy.”

Still no response. He reached for the doorknob.

“Jacob, wait!” Tears pricked the back of my eyes. “Please…don’t go.” I couldn’t take a deep breath; the feeling was suffocating.

He turned slowly to face me. The pain twisted his beautiful face, and the sight of it burned deep in my gut. I caused that face. I caused that pain. How could I do such a thing? How could I make it go away?

“I have to go, Maeve.”

I held on to his hand. “You don’t have to go. Please.”

“Why? You don’t want me here.”

I held his face, and his eyes met mine. The blades of my fingers caressed the stubble over his jaw.

“It’s not true,” I said.

“Why are you doing this?” he asked. “I can’t pretend that what happened last night is no big deal.”

I nodded. “I’m so sorry, Jacob.”

“It kills me to see you like this. The only thing worse was watching the way you were last night. You scared the shit out of me, Maeve.”

“It will never happen again.”

His body relaxed against mine, and the feeling brought me such comfort.

“Promise me,” he said.

“I promise.” I leaned in for a kiss and was relieved when he kissed me back.

He dropped his bag on the floor and continued to kiss me. He pulled my shirt over my head and tossed it on the floor. I had no intention of stopping him as he pushed my back toward the wall. He hitched his fingers on the band of my sweatpants and panties and yanked them down. In one swift movement, he twirled me around so that my hands were braced against the wall. He enveloped my body, his sinewy arms encasing me, his hard-on pressed against me.

“Tell me you want me to stay,” he said into my ear.

The ache between my legs was unbearable. Jacob knew how to put me in my place, and I loved every second of it.

“I want you to stay,” I said, barely able to speak as his lips traveled down my neck. “Please don’t leave me.”

He shed his pants and then grabbed two handfuls of my backside. Soon, he was inside of me. I was already so worked up that it wasn’t going to take much more to fall over the edge. I knew I had bought myself some more time before I’d have to answer his questions. I was already pushing my luck. But in that moment, in his arms, my bare body against his, that time seemed far away.

I braced against the wall with more force as Jacob pumped his hips. Just when I thought I’d see stars, I came so hard it almost hurt. My moans must have set him off because it wasn’t long after that when Jacob’s body released. We stood there, me leaning against the wall for support and Jacob covering me from behind, sweaty and panting.

“We have to do that again,” I said after turning to face him.

He trembled over me and brushed his lips against mine. We lurched to the bedroom and flopped down, depleted.

He cradled me in his arms, gently sweeping the hair away from my face.

“Why were so you awkward with me when we first saw each other?” I asked. I didn’t know why I blurted out the question at that exact moment, but I’d been thinking about it for a while.

“What do you mean?”

I looked up at him. “Those first few days we’d spent together on the farm. You acted strangely, like you didn’t want to be around me.”

“That couldn’t be further from the truth.”

“Then why?” I shifted my body so that we were facing one

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