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out.” There are no easy answers, but I have to believe it. “I’ve waited forever for this. What’s a little more time?”

34

Alicia

I don’t know when exactly I fall asleep but I wake the next morning to a strange sound. It’s a vibrator. No. That can’t be right. I left mine back at my flat in London. My eyes pop open and I scrub the sleep from my eyes, disorientated for a second before I remember where am I.

Needing to use the bathroom I slide my feet out of the covers, careful not to wake Chase as I leave the bed. He looks so peaceful. His chest rises and falls with a steadiness that could pull me back to sleep if I didn’t have to pee.

I pad out of the room and use the restroom. My body aches, my hair is a mess, and my eyeliner is smeared. Yet I smile back at my reflection, because last night was everything and then some. Time has only improved what was already a pleasurable experience. Not that I want to go three years without sex, or Chase, ever again.

Paws greets me as I come out of the bathroom, meowing and rubbing up against my legs.

“Hey, you.” I squat down to scratch behind his ears.

The buzzing sound that woke me earlier goes off again somewhere nearby. I push to my feet, and wander into the living room, curious as to where the pulsating rattle is coming from. My clutch lays on the couch from where it got tossed last night. It buzzes. My phone! Shit. I sent Simon a text last night, but it’s been hours since I checked in. God, I’m a horrible mom. I hope he’s only checking in and nothing’s wrong.

My screen lights with dozens of notifications when I pull it out. The messages are so far from what I expect, I can hardly process the words I’m reading.

Eddie: Alicia. Call me. NOW.

Ricky: Please pick up.

Eddie: Where are you?

Ricky: Call me back.

Simon: Your brothers can’t get hold of you.

Simon: I didn’t know if I should tell them you’re with Chase.

Simon: Not that I know where he lives.

My knees lock and I feel faint. I fall onto the couch, my heart racing and hands shaking as I scroll through more notifications. Most were sent hours ago.

Ricky: Alicia. Please. Text me back.

Eddie: We need you, sis. Please. Call us back.

Simon: I have Matthew. We’re at the house.

Simon: Call your brothers ASAP.

With my heart in my throat, I tap on Ricky’s number. It goes straight to voicemail. Nerves rattle my chest and my gut churns with anxiety. I call Eddie next but his does the same. Where the hell are they? After all these texts, I expect someone to pick up. I try them again before giving up to call Simon.

The ringing passes painfully slowly. Dread begins to build. Something is terribly wrong. “Pick up, damn it. Pick up,” I mutter to myself, but he doesn’t. Tears fill my eyes as frustration builds. I blink them away, forcing myself to exhale so I don’t pass out.

The line connects to his voicemail. “Hello, this is Simon. Please leave a message and I’ll get back to you soon. Cheers!” His cheerful voice is in complete contrast to my emotions.

“Simon,” I say after the beep. “Please call me and tell me what’s going on.” Deep down in my gut I know whatever it is must be bad. “I didn’t hear my phone but I’m up now. Call me.” I end the call, but before I can decide what to do next it rings in my hands. It’s him. “Simon!”

“Hey, sorry, I was getting Matthew dressed.” He sounds out of breath.

“What’s going on?”

“You aren’t with your brothers yet?” The alarm in his tone sends my pulse racing.

I press a hand to my chest. “Simon, you’re scaring me.”

“Everyone is at the hospital.”

Chase wanders out of his bedroom, his brow knit with concern as his gaze finds mine.

“Alicia, it’s your father,” Simon says.

No. “What happened?” Panic sends my thoughts in overdrive. I meant to stop by Daddy’s room yesterday, but I didn’t. He was fine two days ago.

“His nurse called an ambulance earlier this morning. I’m sorry, I don’t know the specifics. Eddie came to get your mom soon after. Alicia, you need to call your brothers.”

“They won’t pick up.” I can’t believe I missed their calls and texts. “Which hospital?”

“I wrote it down. One second.” There’s a shuffle and then nothing but long, dragging seconds while I wait for him to return. “Matthew. Don’t touch that, buddy.” Rustling scatters static through the line.

Matthew babbles, but he’s too far away from the phone to make out his words. The ache in my chest grows with the urge to hold my son, to soothe my fears and seek reassurance. But I can’t because I’m here. At Chase’s home instead of where I should be. God, I’m a selfish, horrible person.

“Alicia?” Simon interrupts.

“Yes.”

“They’re at Mercy. I don’t know what floor or room.”

“Okay.” My entire body shakes. My chest feels tight.

“Keep me posted. Okay?”

I think I might throw up. “Okay.”

“I’ve got Matthew and we’re fine here. Don’t worry about us. Just go be with your family.”

“Okay.” I barely get the word out before a sob breaks free. The phone falls from my hand, clattering as it tumbles to the floor.

“Alicia.” Chase rushes to my side. His arms wrap around my shoulders, but they’re suffocating.

I push at his chest. “I have to go.” I scoot back, needing space. Unable to think. “I have to . . .” God, I don’t even know. “Fuck. I need a car. I need to—”

“Alicia.” Chase drops to his knees, his eyes finding mine. “Breathe, baby.” He inhales and exhales audibly until I join him. “What’s going on?”

“It’s my dad.” The churning in my stomach rolls, bubbling up my throat. Shoving off the couch, I race to the bathroom, barely lifting the seat of the toilet before the contents of my stomach splash into the bowl. Tears

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