Larger Than Life by Alison Kent (bill gates books recommendations .TXT) 📗

"Candy takes care of herself. And takes care of half the business. Then there's that nagging thing." Neva smiled, reached for the carafe and refilled her own cup when Jeanne declined. "And for some reason she manages to have a Victoria's Secret wardrobe to die for."

"I suppose Spencer enjoys that," Jeanne said wryly.

"Yeah. Men are like that." Neva grew silent, toyed with the edge of her plate. "I guess it's hard to think of your son as a man. At least when it comes to the sex thing."

Jeanne shrugged. What was she going to say? Deny that Spencer was any different than Yancey had been at that age? Any different than any male was? "I don't dwell on it, but I'm hardly blind. I've been sitting in the bleachers watching him play ball for years. I've seen the way girls react. I've heard them talk. And Spencer being young and healthy, well..."

"He's sowed a wild oat or two?"

"Or two." Candy no doubt being the wildest, Jeanne mused. "It's to be expected, I suppose."

"Sure." Neva shrugged. "He's a good-looking kid. Takes after his father," she added with a wink.

A simple comment. One Jeanne had heard more than a few times in her life. One to which she'd responded with a smile, with a thank-you, with a nod of proud agreement. But this time she felt a rush of words she couldn't hold back.

And so she let them go, tears coming from nowhere to fill her eyes. "I wouldn't know."

"Jeanne?"

All she could do was stare at the blurry mess of crumbs and lemon zest on her plate and shake her head. "Yancey isn't Spencer's father. He is, of course. He's been the only father Spencer has known."

"But he's not his biological parent," Neva said softly, reaching across the table with both hands.

Jeanne kept her trembling fingers laced tightly in her lap, catching all she could of her tears. And then she couldn't breathe. Her chest squeezed the air from her lungs as it tried to hold in the pieces of her breaking heart. She shook all over, shivered. Her entire body turned into a quivering mess of frightened nerves.

"Jeanne?" Neva prodded gently.

She blurted it out, her voice breaking. "I was raped. Oh, Neva. It's been twenty years and I've never told anyone."

Neva gasped. "No one? Not the police? What about Yancey?"

"Yancey knows. Yes. Of course, he knows. But, no. I didn't go to the police. I didn't tell my parents. I couldn't. It happened at a party the night we graduated." She tore a paper towel from the roll on the table, folded it, and dabbed it beneath her eyes. "We were going to get married later that summer. Yancey was a criminal justice major. I studied elementary education at North Texas State. When I found out I was pregnant..."

Talking about this now, talking about this here when for so many years she'd stayed silent.. . She shuddered, hugged herself tightly. Neva's chair legs scraped across the floor as she got up and came over, dropping to her knees, offering her arms and her shoulder.

Jeanne leaned against her friend and cried, talking through her tears. "I was drinking, everyone was. I don't even know what happened or who it was. We'd gone with one of Yancey's friends back to his frat house. And it was wild." She sniffed, dabbed at her nose with the towel. "I woke up in the middle of the night and realized my panties were gone. And that I was sore and the sticky mess between my legs wasn't all me."

"Oh, Jeanne," Neva crooned, stroking a hand over her friend's hair. "I'm so sorry. So, so sorry. That's such a horrible violation to live with. I'm so glad Yancey was there for you."

Jeanne nodded briskly. "He was. He always has been. When I realized I was pregnant, he told me the choice of what to do was mine, but that he'd be there no matter what. Whether I wanted to end the pregnancy, give the baby up for adoption, or raise Spencer as ours."

"Spencer doesn't know, does he?"

"Oh, no. No. And I shouldn't have told you." Jeanne sat up straight, shredded the towel with shaking fingers. "Yancey and I swore to never tell anyone for fear he'd find out."

"He won't find out from me, sweetie," Neva said, returning to her chair. "I promise you that."

"And you won't tell Candy?" She felt like a hypocrite of the highest order for even having to ask when she'd been the one to put the truth out there.

"Jeanne, I promise. I won't tell anyone." Neva's eyes glittered with tears. "It's not my place to tell."

"You know, I don't think I ever thought but once about not having him," Jeanne said, tucking her feet together beneath her chair and sitting forward. "I didn't know what had happened that night. To this day, I can't remember. I could've been a willing participant. It seemed so wrong to punish a baby for that."

"Are you sure you weren't punishing yourself?"

A friend who was both understanding and perceptive. Jeanne felt the return of her smile. "I very well might have been. I can hardly remember back that far," she said with a sigh. "And of course I have a wonderful son who makes it easy to forget." A wonderful son who was hurting.

She pushed her hair from her forehead then braced an elbow on the table and propped her chin in her palm. "I think he and Candy may have broken up."

Neva's face came alive when she smiled. "So you brought me a pie to bribe me only to find out I don't know a thing."

"I'm so transparent. And such a nosy busybody. Just what Spencer doesn't need," Jeanne added with a laugh.

"No, Jeanne. You're a mother who cares," Neva said sagely. "And that's exactly what all children need."

"Yancey wanted more children. He brought it up once or twice, asked me how I felt. But he never insisted." She swayed