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Greensboro, where sheā€™s started chemotherapy. We talk every day.

Estherā€™s visit, and her determination to beat breast cancer, inspired me to get back to work on my cookbook. Iā€™ve spent a few hours every day for the past month testing my motherā€™s recipes. Iā€™ve also developed a few of my own, putting a spin on traditional dishes and adapting Middle Eastern Jewish recipes for the American palate.

Iā€™ve been waiting for my father to call, to tell me heā€™s contacted Landauer or Abe and that everythingā€™s okay. But Tootsieā€™s kept his silence and I didnā€™t want to see him until he could assure me Iā€™m safe. Finally, this morning, I get a call. He sounds hesitant, afraid Iā€™ll hang up. He reminds me itā€™s the first night of Hanukkah and invites me over for latkes. Daniel, the boys, and I have celebrated Hanukkah with my fatherā€™s potato pancakes since the kids were born. When my father asks if the boys are coming, I tell him Josh is at school and Gabriel is studying for an exam.

The truth is, a month ago, when I told Josh about Landauerā€™s threat, he was shocked. Heā€™s an easygoing kid and I was surprised by the vehemence of his anger at his grandfather. I donā€™t think heā€™d have visited his grandfather if he was in town.

Gabe was another story. I didnā€™t know if a phone call would be sufficient. It can be hard to get through to him. I hoped that, by visiting, heā€™d pick up on enough of my emotional cues to realize how upset I was over Landauerā€™s threat. We needed a face-to-face meeting.

I called him the Monday after the break-in to set up a date and he gave me every excuse for not getting togetherā€”a paper he had to write, an upcoming exam. I announced Iā€™d be on campus the following Friday for lunch and hung up.

That Friday, when I finally found a parking spot near Gabeā€™s dorm and called him, he said heā€™d already eaten. I was irritated but agreed to meet him at a lake on campus where we could sit on the grass and talk. Gabe hadnā€™t been home in a month and I was curious to see if heā€™d changed. His hair was still close-cropped, but heā€™d grown a pale blond goatee that softened the square, hard lines of his face. I wasnā€™t thrilled with his pierced ears but kept that to myself. He always had a hard time fitting in and, if thatā€™s what it took to make him comfortable, so be it.

Gabe listened passively as I told him about finding Landauer in my kitchen. When I was through, he shook his head. I was hoping for a bit of shock and dismay but the danger didnā€™t seem to register. I hoped he might offer to come home for a weekend or twoā€”feel protective toward his mother. His reaction stunned me.

ā€œMom, donā€™t you think itā€™d be safer if Dad moved back?ā€

ā€œWhat do you mean?ā€

ā€œI donā€™t think the man wouldā€™ve broken in if Dad lived there.ā€

So much for my effort to raise liberated men.

I struggled to keep my voice from growing shrill as I explained that Landauerā€™s visit came in the middle of the day, when Daniel was working. And that his fatherā€™s presence would hardly impede a man with a gun. Iā€™d planned to ease into Landauerā€™s implied threat to Gabriel and Josh, but lost my temper.

ā€œMaybe youā€™d like to have Dad move in with you,ā€ I said. ā€œLandauer said he knew I had two sons and suggested you might be in danger too.ā€

ā€œYouā€™re making that up.ā€

ā€œItā€™s why I came here today. To put you on alert. I donā€™t know what that monster is capable of.ā€

ā€œThereā€™s no way heā€™d come down here.ā€

I was about to straighten him out when a duck with a fleshy red wattle limped toward us. He stopped and glared at me like an ugly, petulant child.

ā€œHe wants food,ā€ Gabriel said. ā€œIgnore him.ā€

When the duck gave up and waddled toward a young couple picnicking closer to the lake, I rose from the grass.

ā€œI know you mean well, but I can handle this myself,ā€ I said. ā€œMeanwhile, please be careful. Landauerā€™s old but heā€™s dangerous. Heā€™s not the kind of person to make idle threats.ā€

Gabriel stood and brushed the grass off his rear. ā€œWhatever you say.ā€

I didnā€™t know if he meant it or not. But at least he was aware of the danger. And I took some comfort in the fact he works out and can take care of himself.

Tonight is the first time Iā€™ve come to Tootsieā€™s latke party without Daniel and the boys. I grow tearful on the drive over, contemplating the changes our familyā€™s endured in the last year. First, Gabriel takes off for college, turning Daniel and me into empty nesters. Then Daniel has an affair, leaving me alone in the house. I didnā€™t see either of the kids over Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur since both were tied up with mid-terms. And now itā€™s Hanukkah. Iā€™m in no mood for a celebration. The main reason Iā€™m here is that I hope Tootsieā€™s Hanukkah gift will be an announcement that Landauerā€™s out of my life.

ā€œLet yourself in,ā€ my father yells when I knock on the door, ā€œand leave my gifts on the hall table.ā€

Heā€™s been hard at work in the kitchen and the deliciously greasy aroma of shredded potatoes crisping in hot peanut oil greets me in his hallway. I find him leaning over a pan on the oven, a grease-stained apron stretched across his belly. Truth be told, Tootsieā€™s latkes are a lot tastier than the frozen hockey pucks my mother bought at the grocery when we were kids. Latkes are the only recipe he got from his mother and I appreciate the effort he puts into making them. I kiss his cheek and reach for one of the crispy potato pancakes heā€™s set out to drain on a paper towel next to the frying pan. Heā€™s in the middle of

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