Confessions from the Quilting Circle by Maisey Yates (free ebook reader for iphone TXT) 📗

is going to show up in the news. You know it is. It’ll be in that column under arrests.”

“Yeah,” Lark said. “So what will you do?”

“What can I do? I’m going to have to tell everybody.” Avery looked down at her square. “I just kept thinking maybe I would find a way around this. Some magic solution. I started reading a diary that I found in Gram’s attic. The woman who brought these curtains. And I thought that maybe I would find something there. But I haven’t yet. I just kept thinking about how brave she was. Coming to Oregon from Boston. Changing everything. She was a widow.” A tear tracked down Avery’s face. “At least if I was a widow there wouldn’t be a choice. At least I wouldn’t feel like it was my fault.” She shook her head. “I need... I need to get to the place where I want to have something new. Where I’m excited about it. But I don’t know how to get from here to there.”

Mary curved her hands around her quilt square, balling it up in her hands. “Avery, I know that I’ve made mistakes. And I’m so sorry about that. I think some of it is that I didn’t share with you... I didn’t share with any of you some of what happened in my life. I didn’t know how.” She swallowed hard.

She knew how to express anger about her mother and she’d done that. She knew she’d made plenty of tight comments over the years too. But she hadn’t shared. Not really. And it gave her that same feeling as trying to figure out how to quilt.

A naked, sort of exposed sense that all her flaws and deficiencies were revealed by what she couldn’t do.

“Your grandfather was a good man,” she said. “I loved him very much. But he was so hurt by your gram leaving. And he couldn’t bear my hurt on top of it. I had to be strong. And I thought being strong helped me. It did help. But I never meant for you to keep your heads down and tough it out through hardships without seeking help.”

She cleared her throat. “I’m not great at this. At sharing. But I know a little bit about before and after. Even though Gram clearly didn’t want to be my mother, I was so sad when she left. And I didn’t think I could ever enjoy anything again. But I found a new way to live. And it doesn’t mean that I didn’t miss her. I did. If I hadn’t missed her I don’t think I would have been half so angry. But no matter what happens, you find a way to live your new life. Even when you have to start again because someone else failed you. Even when it’s not fair.”

“So what if I just... Burn it all down,” Avery said, leaning back in her chair. “Quit every committee. Quit volunteering for anything.”

“Yes,” Hannah said. “Do it. You’re nobody’s suburban sock bunny. You are a new woman. You are whatever you choose to be. And maybe it isn’t perfect. But none of us are perfect.” Hannah took a deep breath. “I didn’t get the principal position. And I wasn’t going to say anything because it’s nothing compared to what you’re going through. But... I’m really upset about it. But... I’m just... I’m going to figure out something else. I’m going to find a new thing.”

“I’m sorry, Hannah,” Mary said. “I know how much that meant to you.”

“Yeah,” Hannah said. “It did. It does. But... I’ll figure it out. We’ll figure it out. Maybe it’s not perfect but it’s... But we’re still here. And we can make it what we need to make it.”

“A new view,” Avery said. She didn’t look exactly triumphant or happy, but she didn’t look quite so crushed as she had before. “We can make a new view.”

“We can,” Hannah said. “And we will.”

“And I’m going to support you,” Mary said. “Whatever you need. It’s okay if we don’t know what we’re doing. We’ll just figure it out.”

And Mary knew she needed to hear that as much as they did.

20

He let me ride with him today, though I said I shouldn’t. He said we are not in Boston society and won’t cause gossip in a wagon train. I don’t know what I’m doing. Right now sitting on his horse, with his strength behind me, feels like home.

Anabeth Snow’s diary, 1864

Avery

The discussion she’d had with her mother last night had been surprisingly therapeutic. She had vented her guts, even though she couldn’t dump her need to deny anything was wrong completely on her mother. Because she should be worrying about practical things, like housing and money, and emotional things like her children’s well-being. And instead she was freaking out about having to tell her friends everything that was happening before it hit the paper.

So she was committed to this coffee date. Where she was going to tell everybody, and she was going to take a step back from... Everything.

It was perfection or destruction, as far as she could see. There wasn’t another option. If the secret was out, then why not destroy it all completely? Why not just lay it all out there?

Another time, she might address this issue. This internal feeling that there was nothing between perfection and failure. But right now, it was propelling her forward, and she needed that.

Karen, Alyssa and Sandra all walked in the same time, pushing their sunglasses up on their heads in tandem. Avery felt like she was watching a scene happen outside of her body.

She curled her fingers around her coffee cup and tried to take some comfort. But it was limited. She felt like she was sitting there naked, or might as well have been. Because she was about to peel everything back and reveal all of who she was. She was trying. She was trying. But it was a lot of time of keeping all of