Descendants Academy: Young Adult Urban Fantasy by Belle Malory (most important books of all time txt) 📗

I tripped—right over Xander’s feet. He stopped me from falling, holding me steady. “You look beautiful, by the way,” he said, as if I wasn’t losing my shit right there on the dance floor.

“You did that for both of us.” I leaned my weight into his arm. “So we could both appear allegiant…right?”

“I proved my allegiance long ago,” he said with a sigh. “I promised your mother I would protect you. You were new to the school, trying to fit into Aphrodite—how would it have looked if you were seen hanging out with me, someone who turned their back on the same house you were trying to join?”

I pressed my lips together. We both knew the answer to that question. “That still doesn’t make your intentions innocent.”

“Whether you believe me or not, it was all for you. Strap me to another ollodipher. I’ll tell you the same thing.”

I swallowed. No. I preferred believing he was looking out for himself. That made whatever this thing was between us easier to push away.

“Come on, Sheridan. They already see us.” Very slowly, he twirled me beneath his arm. “We might as well enjoy the dance.”

I hated that part of me was enjoying this. There was an electric current in the warmth of his hand, sending tingles down the length of my spine. For a gladiator with such a hardened, rough exterior, there was a gentleness to the way he held me, as if I were precious. The whole thing made me feel like I was being sucked into a hypnotizing vortex, one I could never escape. Even the people surrounding us were disappearing into the background, suddenly unimportant.

I tilted my head, eyeing him suspiciously. “You’re telling me you never cared about fitting in?”

He didn’t answer for several long seconds. At first, I thought that was an answer within itself. It surprised me when he finally spoke.

“I joined Ares because it was one of Selena’s conditions, but also because I never wanted to feel helpless again. To me, the gladiators in Ares were the epitome of strength and power. I’ll admit, it’s nice to have a tribe. But I never cared about fitting in. I just wanted to be capable of defending myself. I promised myself long ago that I would never be weak again. Never.” His jaw ticked as he spoke, like he was reliving the nightmare he experienced in the Underworld all over again.

I swallowed. I felt it in my gut—this was his truth. Besides, the guy was already at the top. He was Ares’s house leader. Everyone already respected and admired him. I was the newbie, green without experience.

“Okay.” I let out a slow breath. “I believe you. You were looking out for me. Then what is this? Sabotage?”

He laughed once. “You handled your situation pretty well. Aphrodite has embraced you.”

I pursed my lips. “You’re evading the question.”

He gently touched the side of my face. “Maybe it’s selfish, but I want to be near you. In private or in public. It’s almost like…” He looked up at the starry ceiling, searching for the right words. “When you’re not around, I feel like I’m being strangled, like someone is slowly choking me to death. When I’m near you, that iron grip releases. My lungs fill up with oxygen, and I can breathe again. I thought you were safer away from me. But now I think we’re better off together.”

“Xander…” Good grief, I was on the brink of tears. “This is crazy.”

He was saying words I wanted to hear, but they were also words that terrified me.

“But it feels right, doesn’t it?” He drew me closer, resting his chin over my shoulder, like he didn’t have a care in the world.

Ugh, he may not care about his own reputation, but I did. I didn’t want to see him lose everything he worked so hard to build.

No. This couldn’t happen.

Even if that meant I needed to be the stronger one between us. I took a deep breath. “Time and time again, you have been there for me, Xander. The last thing I want is to hurt you or your reputation.”

“Let me worry about my reputation. Don’t you think I’m capable of making my own decisions?”

“Yes, but—”

“I can handle myself, Sheridan.”

I pulled back to look at him, ready to put my foot down. “You’re not considering how this would affect me. If they crucify you for this, it will destroy me.”

He sighed, and I could tell he was losing his patience. “If you push me away out of some misplaced sense of honor, that will destroy me. I don’t give a damn about anyone else’s opinion.”

My mouth parted. I looked into his eyes, seeing for myself how serious he was. His gaze held mine as if I were his entire universe.

“If you want to say no, I can’t stop you. But just remember, that makes you the thing that stands between us. It makes you the bad guy—not them.”

The music stopped. He released me so suddenly, I stumbled, still reeling from what he said.

“Just…” He sighed again, running a hand through his hair. “Think it over, okay?”

I managed a feeble nod. Then he left me alone on the dance floor, disappearing back into the crowd. I was so shocked, I just stood there for several long seconds, everything around me one big blur.

37

Still in shock, I left to find Jett, unable to wrap my mind around what Xander admitted. This definitely wasn’t a normal teenage experience, but I wished I had a mom to talk to about this stuff. And since I didn’t, it made me really miss my dad. He always used to tell Riley and I to come to him. If it was about boys or periods or bra sizes—he didn’t care. He promised to act normal about whatever subject we approached him with. And he always did. No matter what came up.

God, I missed him. I just wanted him to wrap