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to me?”

Jeffrey Douglas, his skin peeling off, his eyes glazed over, reeking like pepper spray, shrugs. “The only people who listen to defendants are fucking morons, because defendants have every reason to lie. You’re the defendant.”

The smell of pepper spray starts to get into my throat and coat my nostrils. I put my hand on my throat, feeling it swell shut. Jeffrey reaches forward to touch me. I jerk away. He reaches forward again.

The smell of pepper spray starts to fade. A smoky, piquant scent wafts in. Lev is still fighting with my father on the other end of the table as the water reaches our waists, but I’d know that scent anywhere. It’s his.

* * *

I recognize Lev’s hand on my shoulder first. Then, the weight of his comforter. I open my eyes and see him crouched down beside me. He raises an eyebrow.

“You were kicking in your sleep,” he says. “I didn’t picture you as a violent sleeper.”

“I’m not,” I mumble, sitting up. “You’re done working? What time is it?”

“A little after midnight,” he says. “Yes. I’m done working. I wouldn’t have woken you up, but it didn’t look like you were having a happy dream.”

“It was just—” I shake my head. “It was dumb.”

He brushes a couple of strands of hair away from my face. “You still look unhappy.”

“I’m fine.”

He gives me a quick kiss. As he stands up, I grab his arm and pull him back toward me. His arms cradle me as we kiss. I imagine each kiss conveys something we’re not telling each other. My lips tell him about my parents’ call, my concerns, the fact that I know leaving him is my best option, but I can’t seem to let him go. I imagine his lips are telling me that he’ll take care of me forever and that when the novelty of our relationship wears off, he won’t find some model to fuck. Harsh truths, one after another, conveyed but not spoken. They taste bitter and sweet at the same time.

I put my hand on his chest, pushing him a little bit. He resists our separation, kissing me once more before I put both my hands on his chest and put some distance between us.

“I just want to get some wine first,” I say. “Stay right here. I’ll be right back.”

I whip the blanket off and slip past him. I walk quickly, running my fingers through my hair like I’m expecting to find Jeffrey Douglas’ decaying skin in the strands. I nearly trip as I go down the stairs. I grab a bottle of wine from his home bar and take a breath.

I touch my lips. I’ll have to tell my parents that I’m not going to leave Lev. I just can’t see any way that I’d return to my previous life. Looking back now, it seems so empty.

When I return to his bedroom, he’s pulling off his shirt. When he turns, everything about him lures me closer. His body reminds me of the depictions of barbarians, nearly every muscle a reminder that he doesn’t need a gun to overpower anyone. Even where his waist narrows and the muscles ripple across his abdomen, he makes every other man I’ve ever seen appear trivial.

My hands are on him before I realize I’ve walked straight up to him. We kiss once, twice, three times as my heart beats wildly in my chest. His hands move to my waist, slipping under the band of my underwear, squeezing my ass.

He kisses beside my ear before pulling away for a second. “Your phone was ringing.”

I pull off my shirt. “It can wait.”

His gaze focuses on my breasts, pulling me tight against him. The heat between his legs presses against me and it still makes me shiver.

My phone starts ringing.

Lev kisses the top of my head. “You should answer it. I can jump back in at any time.”

“No, no, I can call them back,” I say, but I’m already grabbing my phone.

Nobody should be calling me after midnight. It’s Julia.

I answer the call. “Julia? What’s going on?”

“That’s what I was going to ask you,” she says. I glance at Lev. She knows about the engagement.

“Maybe we should talk about this later,” I say. “I meant to text you. We’re going to have dinner with my parents on Sunday.”

“Uh, okay,” she says. “But, Ally, is your dad okay?”

I stop. “What? Why wouldn’t he be okay? Did he call you? He shouldn’t have called you. If he has a problem, he should have the conversation with me.”

There’s a long pause.

“Julia?” I ask.

“Ally, I thought—” she stops. “I thought someone would have called you to assure you everything was okay. Nobody has called you?”

“Julia, what the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m sorry, Ally.” There’s a rustle of noise on the other end of the line. “There was a shooting outside of the police station. All I know is that some policemen were shot. I heard about it from some of the other EMTs. I wish I had been closer to my phone when the call came in. It happened nearly an hour ago. You haven’t gotten a call from your mom or dad yet?”

I can barely breathe. “No. No, I haven’t.”

“I’m sorry, Ally. I’ll try to get more information. I’ve heard that four policemen were brought into the hospital, but everything was such a mess. I’ll call some people, okay? We’ll find out what’s going on. Hang on, all right?”

“All right,” I echo.

“I love you, Ally. It’s going to be okay.”

She hangs up. Lev has moved beside me, his hands on my arms.

“What’s going on?” he asks. “What happened?”

I shake my head. “I have to call my parents.”

I turn away from him and dial my father’s number. It rings. And rings. And rings.

“This is Chief Harrington,” his voice mail answers. I hang up and immediately dial my parents’ landline. It rings. And rings. And rings. I hang up before the answering machine picks up.

“Something happened with your dad,” Lev guesses.

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