Deep (Heavy Hearts Book 2) by Sarah Duncan (red seas under red skies txt) 📗

“I’m pretty sure he would have shot us if we tried to fight,” I whisper, my mind instantly going back to the moment when Muz grabbed me and ran his filthy hands over my body.

Ayden goes quiet, too, probably reliving the same scene.

“You want to know what I’m mad about?” I ask, and Ayden nods. “You took away my right to choose. You got me thrown out of that room, Ayden. I get why you did it, but it wasn’t your decision to make.” Having me thrown out also meant I didn’t know what was going on inside the room, and I was so scared that I’d find him dead.

“I disagree,” Ayden says with confidence causing my brows to shoot up. “I won’t apologise for that part, Lexi. I’d make the same decision again and again if it meant that you were safe.”

“You’re infuriating.” I can feel my blood boiling thick in my veins, ready to explode.

“Ditto!” Ayden hisses, pushing me over the edge.

“I’m not a weak damsel Ayden!” I hiss through clenched teeth.

“Fuck no. I know you’re not! You are fierce, Lexi. I know you will obliterate anything that stands in your way, but I can’t help needing to protect you.”

I get what he’s saying, but it doesn’t make me feel better.

“I’m just so angry, Ayden. At everything, especially myself.”

“Why at yourself?” His brow creases in the centre, making him look all kinds of adorable.

“For letting you in. You made me weak.” I admit in a soft whisper.

Ayden flinches at my words; a look of hurt contorts his face before it’s replaced by resolve.

“For the record. You have never been weak, and I don’t think letting me in has done anything but make you stronger. But I get it. Things are fucked up right now, so I’ll stand back and give you space like you’ve asked. Hopefully, it will give you the control you think you have lost by being with me. I can see you need to feel in control. I’ll do whatever you want me to Lexi, I just ask that you please don’t push me away.”

I don’t want to push him away, but I don’t know how to have him in my life without it being more. He’s also different since coming back from Melbourne, and now I understand that I don’t really know him, even though my body seems to think it does.

“You’ve been a dick to the guys. They have been there for me when you weren’t Ayden.”

“I know. I will make it up to them, I promise.” Ayden finally lets go of the arm of my chair and drags his hands through his dark hair. “I just have trouble thinking straight when it comes to you.”

I know how he feels. I feel the same way around him.

“You don’t need that in your life Ayden, not right now. You have your own problems to work through, and you need time to heal on your own. Being with me won’t help you move on from your past.”

Ayden is quiet for a moment, and my heart sinks. Stupid heart. It wants him even though it knows I’m not good enough for him.

“Please don’t use that as an excuse Lex.” His whispered plea almost breaks me. I remind myself once again how much better he will be when he moves on from me. He has the chance to find someone that isn’t damaged, isn’t broken.

“I can’t do anything more than this right now,” I admit.

“I know,” he sighs, “but I can’t not see you, not talk to you, not be involved in your life.”

“Didn’t we agree to be friend’s last night?” I ask, and he goes quiet again, casting his eyes to his hands in his lap.

“We did.” He nods before raising those blue eyes again, “But that’s just for now. When the time is right, I’m totally stepping back over the line and kissing the fuck out of you.”

Red. Hot. Blush.

There’s no way I can hide it, and his knowing smirk only makes it worse.

“Fuck, it’s going to be a long hard road if you keep blushing like that.”

“Stop,” I slap his arm, “That’s not helping!”

Ayden raises his hands in surrender, “Okay, backing off. Friendzone. Got it.” He crosses his heart.

As sincere as his voice sounds, his eyes are anything but.

He isn’t going to make this easy for me at all.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

I need my punching bag! Sleep is evading me, and of course, it’s because I’m so pathetic that I need someone to sleep next to me to keep the fucking dreams at bay. Too scared to start more drama and possibly get myself thrown out of Andrea’s sister's house, I don’t go to Marcus or even Ayden to help me sleep. Instead, I stay confined in the lilac bedroom, going out of my mind with the overwhelming need to vent my pent-up anger.

My mind wanders to Ayden so many times that I’m beginning to think I’m becoming obsessive. His promise to kiss me again one day has me all hot and bothered, which only adds to my festering frustration.

At my wit's end, I try to read, hoping it will put me to sleep or pass the time until morning. The only book that Rachel left behind in her room is boring and confusing, and it’s not long before I give up trying to comprehend it. Trolling the internet for something to read, I come across Amazon, and before I know it, I’ve created an account and downloaded my first kindle book. At first, the amount of book options nearly sends me packing, but I persevere and start searching for Reverse Harem books. Rhys is so obsessed with that topic. She keeps saying that the guys are my reverse harem which is ridiculous. While I adore them, my heart belongs to only one, even if I won’t admit that to his face. My first kindle book is Uppercut Princess by E.M. Moore, and