On a Roll by Beth Bolden (free ebook novel .txt) 📗

counter. “You both think you’re goddamned right all the time. Both think you know best. And both think you know the best way to express your brotherly affection. In this particular situation, I can tell you that you’re both fucking wrong.”

Gabriel didn’t say anything for a long moment. “That wasn’t all he was doing . . .” he finally started to say, but Ren held a hand up.

“Maybe he blundered into this thing between you and Sean, but he didn’t know it was even happening,” Ren said. “He didn’t mean to. And then you bit his head off.”

“I did not,” Gabriel said sulkily. Except he had.

“Yeah, alright,” Ren said, clearly not believing him.

“He just . . .” Gabriel made a frustrated noise. “He just walked in and fucked everything up, you know? Like he usually does.”

“Except,” Ren said, “at least this time he didn’t do it on purpose?”

“Fine,” Gabriel grumbled. “He didn’t do it on purpose.”

“You two love each other,” Ren said sagely. “You just express it in such different ways. Ironic, considering you’re practically the same person.”

“Is that enough?” Gabriel asked, annoyed that his cousin would not shut up.

“I think so. So are you really changing the name again?” Ren asked as they began the long task of cleaning up.

“Yes,” Gabriel said shortly. “I should have done it ages ago. But . . .”

“But you were too desperate to get Sean to notice you,” Ren finished for him. “I get it. But you know, you could’ve just told him you liked him, instead of continuing to tug on his pigtails.”

“Maybe.” Gabriel was still not convinced. And he was definitely not convinced that when he went over to Sean’s truck that he would want to see him at all.

This whole time, he could have taken steps to help Sean preserve the memory of his husband—not because Milo meant anything to him, but because he meant so much to Sean.

If he was in Sean’s shoes, he’d be pissed as hell at him.

“You could still tell him,” Ren said speculatively, as he scrubbed down the grill. “You should tell him.”

“What happened to love is a choice?” Gabriel wondered.

Ren sighed. “It is, and you made it, and he makes you happy. You make him happy too. I don’t think he really was, before. But you know what? This isn’t always how it works out.”

Gabriel was dying to ask his cousin how it hadn’t worked out for him, but he didn’t, because if Ren wanted to tell him, he would.

“I don’t think he was happy, either,” Gabriel pointed out instead. He felt, like he had from the night that Sean had told him about Milo, the pressure to keep Sean’s secret. Because if Sean had wanted any of their friends to know, he’d have told them.

It didn’t change anything that Gabriel sure as fuck thought that they should have known ages ago. It wasn’t his call.

“Well, he is now, or he was,” Ren said. He sighed and stood up, giving the edge of the flat-top grill a final wipe. “Which means that you should get your ass over there and start apologizing. Definitely start groveling.”

“I will.” Gabriel stacked the last of the packed containers away in their fridge. “I’m helping you, first.”

“No, you’re procrastinating because you’re afraid he’s going to be really fucking mad at you,” Ren said.

Ren was not wrong. But it wasn’t just that.

Gabriel didn’t think he could seek out Sean if he was going to see that look of betrayed trust—the one that had sliced him to pieces—on his face again.

“I don’t know much about love,” Ren continued casually, “but I know that it isn’t always easy. Things aren’t always as simple as you hope they’ll be.”

“He might not forgive me even if I change the name, now,” Gabriel said.

“He might not. But,” Ren glanced up at him, a glimmer of a smile on his face, “I think he’ll want to, and that’s what matters.”

Ren had a lot more faith right now than Gabriel did, and that was a scenario that he’d never imagined, not in a thousand years.

It was the one that convinced him that he couldn’t hide out any longer, hoping that maybe Sean wouldn’t be quite so pissed, that maybe he might even come seek Gabe out.

But Ren was right.

Even if Sean was pissed, he wouldn’t be so pissed that he wouldn’t want, deep down, to forgive him.

His love might be dented and a bit bruised by what had happened, but Gabriel knew, in his bones and in his blood and in every way that fucking mattered, that Sean did love him.

That knowledge was what gave him the courage he needed to propel him out of his truck and across the lot towards Sean’s.

He could see Sean’s face in the window, brow furrowed as he scrubbed at something, cleaning up after a long day. He hadn’t seen Gabriel yet, but Gabe thought he could see the strain of the day on his face.

Finally, he looked up and a whole range of emotions crossed over it when he saw Gabriel. Longing and frustration and anger and hurt and resignation—but right when Gabe despaired that maybe Sean didn’t love him after all, there it was. Begrudging maybe, but it was there, glowing soft and warm in his eyes.

He turned and walked down the stairs, coming around the corner of his truck.

It was late, everyone else had closed up for the night, and he didn’t see anyone else, which was right, because nobody else had the right to hear this conversation.

“Hey,” Gabriel said, “I came over because I wanted to let you know that Luca is gone.”

“Good.” Sean’s voice was short, but there was relief in it too. “Does that mean he’s not going to sue me now?”

Dread rushed through Gabe. He’d known that Luca had made things difficult for Sean before he’d come over to deal with Gabriel, but he hadn’t realized that part of Luca’s threats had included lawyers. God, that must have freaked Sean out.

“No, no, no,” Gabriel