Scissor Link by Georgette Kaplan (novels to improve english .txt) 📗

“And I’m guessing Elizabeth told you I just need to open up and let you in and be happy, everyone wants to be happy…”

“Actually, it was about how being a little closed off and withdrawn is just who you are. But being alone isn’t. You don’t have to bury everything.”

Wendy left the words hanging, for once not pressing, not poking, not prodding, but letting Janet process. Janet looked out, down maybe a hundred feet to the pond, where Roberta was buying a pretzel from the vendor. One to be shared.

“Are you worried about the meeting with Carson? Think it’d be shallow to bring it up?” Wendy winced, worried she’d put her foot in her mouth, and Janet wanted to reassure her, tell her how cute it was, actually… She didn’t. “Doesn’t matter, I’ll tell you just so I can think I’m considerate. As it turns out, the CEO thinks everyone has been working so hard that they deserve a break, so he ordered pizza for the whole company. It’s a one-time thing, though. Don’t expect pizza every week.”

“All to get me out of a meeting.” Janet felt a tear rebel against her control, and wiped her eye. Wendy saw it and didn’t react, maybe didn’t even think how weak she was, not even being able to have a simple conversation. “Not that it’s come up, but this is why I don’t recommend employees date shareholders. It conjures thoughts of nepotism.”

“I’m not a nepot!” Wendy insisted. She slid along the bench. “I mean—I am Wendy Cedar, but I’m just Wendy Cedar. You know?”

“That’s not the point. That’s not even the issue. You were right. I am scared. Scared for you. Look at you, Wendy Cedar. You’re young and smart and ambitious. You deserve the whole world. You could win it. Why do you want to be saddled with me? I’m not even good enough for her.”

Wendy followed her eyes out to the couple, just like any other, and Janet almost laughed at the thought that she probably couldn’t even tell which one was Roberta. Someone who could mean so much to her, go through so much with her, and now—a stranger.

“She’s moving away soon,” Janet continued. “It’s a shame, she loved this park. I wish I could let her have it.”

“And you?”

Janet shook her head. “I loved the way she loved it.

But Wendy understood. “You know, I did some reading about the Kee Bird. It’s still in Greenland. You can go there and look at it, it’s very well-preserved. It’s still standing, Janet. Even if it can’t fly. Even if some people aren’t interested in it. Isn’t that impressive enough? Still being there after over seventy years?”

“That’s a very sentimental way to look at an old bucket of bolts,” Janet told her.

“And you have a very cynical way of looking at an antique. Makes you wonder why you’re looking at it in the first place.” Wendy reached out and put her hand on the bench between them, baiting that demon thought. So close, it was so close, it was right there.

She had the audacity not to look affronted when Janet didn’t take it.

“I’m not sure,” Wendy said. “I might be totally off-base. And if I’m wrong—or even if I’m right—you don’t have to say anything. But I think you’d like to talk about her. And whatever it is, I am so fucking okay with hearing it.”

“You really can’t get enough of me tormenting you, huh?”

Wendy smiled. She kept doing that, making it harder for Janet to convince herself she didn’t want her.

Making it impossible.

Janet bowed her head. She could see Roberta without looking at her. “I kept changing. And she kept changing. And finally I wasn’t hers anymore. I guess she isn’t mine either, now. Wendy, I want you to be happy. And you think we will be, and maybe you’re right, but for how long? Ten years? Twenty? No matter how happy we were together—how happy you thought you were—you’re better off without me. It’s no way to live, being satisfied with whatever dregs of love I can offer.”

“You can love a lot more than you think. I’ve seen it.” Wendy held herself there—Janet could see the twitches in her muscles as she wanted, as she needed to be held, the same way Janet did, but she wouldn’t move. She just kept her hand laying there on the bench, an offering. “So in ten years I’ll fight for you. And in twenty years I’ll fight for you. At the end of time, I’ll fight for you. Because you don’t make me happy. You are my happiness. And I think I’m yours. Even if you aren’t, like, physically capable of laughing…”

Janet proved her wrong, in a short burst like a flock of birds taking wing. Her eyes darted to Wendy’s hand on the bench. It was still there.

Wendy bit back a smile, but Janet could see her chewing on it. “I didn’t fall in love with you because you were a hugger,” Wendy said. “I fell in love with you this way. I’m not asking you not to change. I’m saying I would like to see who you’re changing into.”

Janet couldn’t do that. She just couldn’t do it. Agree to a life with Wendy, living together, having everything that was her shared… She couldn’t give Wendy anything she wanted. She tried, she wanted to force the possibility into her brain, but she would think of Roberta and knew, knew it would end with her right back here. Watching Wendy with someone else. She couldn’t commit to that. But she could reach out and take Wendy’s hand. And hope Wendy could wait until tomorrow for more.

“Just this once, I really have to hug you,” Wendy said.

Janet shook her head. “Hurry up then, you goose.”

Wendy stood up and did. Janet buried her smile in Wendy’s throat.

Maybe it was a smile so rare that it demanded attention, because when she stopped looking down Wendy’s back, she looked out into the distance and