Stef Ann Holm by Lucy Back (books to read in your 30s TXT) 📗

more complication in my life would be too much, and it wouldn’t be fair to anyone I got involved with.”

“I’ve wondered….”

“What?”

“Why you were forty-six and you’d never married.”

“That’s why.”

“I thought that maybe Jacquie—”

“Jacquie’s a good person. I know she comes across otherwise, but she’s a good person. She knew about Mackenzie. She’s been a friend to me in unexpected ways.”

Lucy’s gaze lowered; she looked at her hands. “Do you miss her?”

Drew answered truthfully. “Sometimes I miss her friendship, but I don’t miss the stress of our relationship and the direction it was headed.” His voice grew strained. “What about you? Do you miss your ex-husband?”

Her lashes flew up. “Good grief, no!” Then she grew suddenly very quiet. “Well, yes…yes. I miss the ideal. The whole thing about being married forever, having a fiftieth wedding anniversary and growing old together. I feel cheated because he cheated on me.”

“Do you ever talk to him?”

“I try and avoid it. He’s supposed to be coming up to see the boys, but I’m not holding my breath. Divorce is horrible enough without an absentee father. Being there as a parent is huge, and the kids suffer when that doesn’t happen.” She drew in a breath, looked at him. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t referring to you.”

“It’s okay. You’re right. I know what I did with Mackenzie will have a lifelong effect on her. Caroline and I were able to talk about it. She was an amazing woman and, at the time, I was too stupid to see just how wonderful she was. She did a great job without me, and I am very fortunate she raised my daughter for as long as she did.”

“So what are you going to do now? Have you and Mackenzie talked about anything?”

“I don’t know how to bring it up.”

Warmth swam in Lucy’s eyes. “Just talk.”

“Timing’s been off. I don’t want to upset her.”

“Drew, I think she’s already upset.”

“Yeah. I guess.”

Lucy reached out, took his hand and held it. He absorbed the warmth and comfort she offered, accepting the gesture more readily than he’d anticipated. The night grew brilliant with reds, yellows and blues. Down on the beach, the “Star-Spangled Banner” played.

A tightness settled in Drew’s chest, his heart, his lungs. His daughter was on that beach, she was here, in his life. But he didn’t know what to say to her, how to talk to her, what to tell her.

“Drew…” Lucy’s voice pulled at him and he met her eyes. “Why don’t you just start by saying, ‘Mackenzie, I’m your dad and I love you’?”

Jason tilted back on his lawn chair, the sand beneath his bare feet cold when he dug his toes in. Trying to act cool, he drank a sip of cola, gazed at the sky and watched the fireworks, ignoring Mackenzie, who sat next to him.

They’d been talking about stuff. Like how it was to live in Florida and what there was to do. Jason never knew that swamp swimming could be fun. The way Mackenzie described it, everyone went into this big pond fed from a swamp. They had a tree rope and swing, sometimes someone brought beer and they had a few. She said she never did. She’d tried it once and hated it.

She was different than anyone he knew. Maybe it was the way she talked. He loved the sound of her voice, the way she said words. He couldn’t figure out how she took the same word as him and made it sound pretty.

“So what is it ya’ll said you did for fun in Boise?” she asked, breaking into his thoughts.

It was cool he had her all to himself. The guys had been too busy being pyros to notice Mackenzie. A part of Jason had wanted to set off some more rockets, too, but he found he’d rather sit by Mackenzie and just smell her. She smelled nice. Like sun and sand and wildflowers.

“We hung out at the skateboard park, my friend Brian’s house and just…you know.” If she didn’t drink beer, she sure wouldn’t have smoked pot. He didn’t want to tell her he had.

“No, I don’t know,” she said in that accent he liked.

“Just stuff. Hanging out, listening to CDs and talking about things.”

“Like what?”

“Just things.” He shrugged, lowering the lawn chair. He had to sound rad, like hotties loved him. “Girls.”

She laughed, and the sound of her girlie voice made him smile inside. “Now ya’ll are talking about the same things we do. Boys.” She grew quiet a few seconds. “Do you have a girlfriend?”

That she’d flat out asked sort of tripped him up. He wasn’t sure what a good answer would be. He thought a minute before replying. If he said yes—then he looked like a jock who had it going on. If he said no—then he looked like a benched loser.

“Do you have a boyfriend?” he asked, wondering which answer would work for him.

“I did.” When she spoke, he heard Ah did.

For some reason, he really liked to listen to her, and he didn’t care what she had to say. But her answer did get his attention. She didn’t have a boyfriend now.

Maybe he didn’t want to know, but he asked anyway. “What happened?”

“He was messing around on me with my best friend.”

Jason’s eyes narrowed. “That bites.”

“I thought it was deplorable.”

Deplorable. Was that a Southern word? He wasn’t sure what it meant—other than it was something she didn’t like.

“What’d you do?”

“I came here to get away from him and forget.”

Taking another drink of cola, he swallowed. “So is Drew like your uncle or something?”

She grew real quiet, her face becoming a shadow in the night. Her eyelashes were long against her cheeks, her hair soft around her shoulders. She had on a white sweatshirt, unzipped, and her legs were still bare. They were long and smooth and tan. Her pink lips shimmered with gloss that she’d recently put on. He wondered if it was that flavored kind. He’d never kissed a girl in his whole life.

While he