Cadillac Payback: Rising Tide by AJ Elmore (grave mercy .TXT) 📗

her face and reach toward her hand. She obliges by fitting her fingers against mine.

There’s another train of thought here. If Freddy’s gone, and I’m in here, she has no protection. I’ve got to get the fuck out of here.

“What’s going on with the division heads?” I ask.

She shakes her head.

“I don’t know. Mateo is the one who called me to tell me. He made no offer or indication that he would send someone to watch my back, not that I would trust one of his anyway. But that most likely means he’s not a friend. I’d imagine there are at least a few people who want to take the place as kingpin.”

My gut does another flip. Holy mother of everything sacred, please don’t say what I think she’s going to say.

“Do you?” I ask.

She stares at me for a while, and the wait is almost too much. I squeeze her hand, more reaction than a means of comfort.

Then she says, “I used to think so.”

“Now you don’t?”

“No. I don’t ever want to become the monster that Abuela was.”

Relief rushes out of me as a sigh. The nerves calm a little. Her expression turns curious.

“You thought I was going to say yes?”

“Of course I fucking thought you were going to say yes. It’s been your driving force for the past year,” I answer. I can hear the exasperation in my tone.

Her gaze drops again.

“That’s fair,” she says.

“So what do you want to do?” I ask, watching her closely for a reaction.

She goes quiet again. I realize that it’s a heavy question, and that she might not know. Still, what good am I if I’m not real?

She takes a long breath that’s steadier than the ones before. The tears have stopped, for now. Finally her eyes find me again.

“If I said I wanted to leave, would you come with me?”

My love and desire for her fire so strong, I know she sees it. I pull her toward me so that she has to come or risk putting strain on the still-healing hole in my side. She comes out of the chair, until she’s close enough that I can hook my fingers around the back of her neck.

I look her in the eye when I say, “You know I’d do anything you ask me to. Anything.”

Her eyelids get heavy, and she leans forward a little more until her lips press against mine. I groan into the kiss. God, she’s so perfect.

When she pulls back, there are tears in her eyes again. Concern creases my forehead. I’m searching her gaze.

She says, “Do you think you’ll ever forgive me for the mess that I’ve been? For the way I treated you?”

I wipe at the tears with my thumb.

“You’re not her anymore. I’ve been waiting for that to happen. I knew that when it did, you would really see me.”

I’m not sure what shadowy depths my words come from, but they feel right. More tears slide over my thumb.

She says, “I’m sorry, Joshua. You were right. I never knew what I wanted. I never cared what – or who – I was fucking with. And you’re right. I fucking learned the hard way.”

I pull her back to me for another kiss. She lets me. This, it feels different. She’s escaping again, but she’s also letting herself feel, where before she wouldn’t.

The door opens, and a nurse comes in pushing a stand with a computer on it. She looks up and her eyes widen.

“Oh, sorry!”

Maria pulls back and her face goes red. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her blush, but there it is.

“I can give you a few minutes,” says the nurse. She leaves the computer and goes back out.

Maria looks at me, and a laugh tumbles out of her.

“Oh yeah,” I say. “They’re going to let me out of here soon. I’ve still got a ways to go with healing, but I won’t be stuck in this bed anymore.”

She takes my hand again and says, “We leave when you’re ready.”

She sits back down.

Then she adds, “Freddy left a note and a key to his place. The Dragunov is there. I’m going to go get it when I leave here.”

Makes sense. He only took what he could carry on the bike. It’s also fitting that he would leave it to her.

“Please be careful.”

I have to say it. She has to expect me to. I hate it that she’ll be alone.

“I will. If you want, I’ll come back later.”

“Why would you even ask? Of course I do. I’m going crazy here.”

She gives me a small smile. She doesn’t quite look like she’s going to shake apart anymore. That, more than anything, is a comfort.

“Ok. Let me know if there’s anything you want me to bring,” she says.

“You.”

She hesitates, but then she nods.

After she leaves, I spend a long time staring at the door, thinking. Sure, I’m her escape once again, but it’s been my willingness to be there for her that has made her realize how much she values me. Izzy and Freddy decided to walk away. I still won’t.

She’s a fast learner. She went from having everything, to losing it all. She wasn’t even ranked when she took over Charlie’s place. The truth that I see now is that she used to rely solely on gut instinct. Now she thinks about her moves before she makes them. She’s far too immersed in the life to see how much she has changed.

I guess it’s the same for me. When Charlie died and she gravitated to me, I expected her to act rationally. Somehow, I believed her stoic act. The guys were right, I was green. I didn’t understand the depth of their experience. I’m pretty sure I still don’t. I do know a little more about nightmares and gunshot wounds.

She grew up watching Charlie, for fuck’s sake. He tore through women like Izzy kills cigarettes. Her female influence was Abuela. Is it any wonder she used sex as a weapon? It took me a long time