Boss Daddy: A Secret Baby Romance by Black, L. (big screen ebook reader txt) 📗

and her face went from her normal constant smile to a more reserved, pensive look.

I was heading back to the kitchen for expo when she came out of the employee restroom. I gathered her up in a hug, and she squeezed me tightly as I kissed her head. Then I pulled her out at arm’s length and studied her face.

“You okay?” I asked.

“I just don’t want you to leave is all,” she said. “I miss you too much when you’re gone.”

“I understand,” I said. “I miss you like hell, trust me. It drives me absolutely bananas every single day, and now that I know you’re carrying our baby, it’s even more so.” I took a pause for a moment before I continued. “I really want you to come with me.”

I expected the upset face, or the shift in tone that had come from her the other times I mentioned it. But this time, none came. Instead, she nodded and fell back into my arms for another hug. I held her tight and swayed with her.

“I just need some time to think about it,” she said.

“That’s fair,” I said. “We don’t have to talk about it again tonight, okay?” She nodded again, against my chest. “We can just focus on having a good night at work and then curling up together in bed. Nothing else. Deal?”

“Deal,” she said, nodding again against my chest. Then she pulled back and placed a kiss to my lips and then to my cheek. “I’ve got to get back to my tables,” she said and walked away.

38 Hannah

When I lived in New York, rarely did a day go by when I didn’t think about how nice it would be to live on my own. I was a full-grown woman and had no idea what it was like to not live with other people. I had no concept of having my own place, my own life.

And it wasn’t just the people. It was the noise. New York was never quiet. Even my parents’ opulent home filtered in the sounds of the city. There was constant noise, constant reminders of the chaos that made up the city that, quite literally, never sleeps.

For a lot of people, that represented vitality and excitement. There were times when I felt that way about it, too. It was exciting. Thrilling to be a part of it. But it was also exhausting. Having that much constantly happening, that many people watching, drained me. I dreamed of a time when I was away from all that and could just exist in my own bubble.

Now my bubble was starting to feel really lonely.

I was sitting in my house alone again. What was once a welcome peacefulness was now just too quiet. The idea of me getting used to him being gone and it feeling better eventually was totally out the window. These last few days were by far the worst. I missed him and felt out of sorts without him around.

We still hadn’t worked out our living situation. He was in Portland and I was in Astoria, and we didn’t know when or if or how that was going to change. In truth, that was all on me. Jordan had no question about whether he wanted me in Portland with him or not. He tried again to convince me to go, and again, I hesitated.

I didn’t know what the hell was wrong with me. He was in Portland. That wasn’t going to be changing anytime soon.

Jordan loved what he did. He didn’t relish the idea of going to Portland, and he never wanted to leave Astoria, but he also wasn’t going to turn his back on his business and not fulfill his responsibilities. All the brothers had an important role in keeping the growing empire going. They were all working to support themselves, their families, and most importantly, their mother.

I had to come to terms with the idea that he wasn’t choosing them over me. He wasn’t choosing his career over me. But if I demanded he come back to Astoria or not be a part of my life, I would be forcing him to choose me over them.

It was a sobering thought.

Yet, I still couldn’t bring myself to commit to going with him. Sitting there alone in my house, trying to get into terrible afternoon TV, I couldn’t really figure out why. I could go to Portland and have Jordan and our growing relationship. Instead, I stayed here and had my couch and people on talk shows screaming at each other.

Not an equal trade.

But then why couldn’t I work it out with him? Why couldn’t I just take the leap?

If I was being honest with myself, I knew it was because things still weren’t really cemented with Jordan. We had never really said what our relationship was or how we felt about each other. We had managed to hit all kinds of milestones and plan for others while deftly skating around any actual confirmations.

That was what was holding me back. Without that confirmation, I didn’t know where I stood.

Muting the women screaming at each other over the head of the TV psychologist, I picked up my phone. Samantha answered on the fourth ring.

“I didn’t think you were going to answer,” I said.

“I’m sorry. I was doing an emergency afternoon bath.”

“For yourself?”

“Partially,” she said.

I was just going to leave it at that. I didn’t really need to know the full story.

“Am I fundamentally flawed?” I asked.

“That was a really serious question to throw at me right after Sesame Street,” she said. “What’s going on?”

“I’m home alone,” I said.

“Aren’t you usually? I mean, unless you’re at work.”

“That’s the point. Why? Why am I here alone when I could be in Portland with a really amazing guy?” I asked.

“Do you really want me to tell you what I think?”

“Yes.”

She took a deep breath. “You’re scared.”

“That’s your revolutionary insight?”

“Yes. Sometimes the simplest thing is what makes you think the most. Now it’s the question of what