The Yiddish Gangster's Daughter (A Becks Ruchinsky Mystery Book 1) by Joan Cochran (popular books of all time .txt) 📗

our cabdriver, remarkably, takes his time driving to our hotel. When Daniel takes my hand in the darkened backseat. I don’t pull it away.

Once I’ve hung up my clothes and arranged my toiletries in the hotel bathroom, I stretch out on the bed and call Esther. It’s been a strange day and I need to share it with someone. The week before, she told me her hair was thinning from the chemotherapy but she thought she was going to be okay without a wig. She’s still teaching. We talk almost every night now and I’m dying to get her take on what happened today. I tell her about Daniel’s early morning call and the visit with Milt. She sends him her love.

“So how’d it go with Daniel?” she asks. “Was it strange?”

“Yes and no. Everything was familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. Whenever I start to feel comfortable with him, this gremlin on my shoulder whispers ‘watch out.’”

“You can’t let go, can you?”

“I’ve never been good at forgiving.”

She laughs. “Me neither. Or mom. I wonder if resentment is genetic.”

“It was nice of Daniel to bring me. He didn’t have to, but he knows how much I love Milt.”

I tell her about my impulsive kiss in the restaurant and holding hands with Daniel in the taxi.

Esther releases a long low whistle followed by “And?”

“And nothing. He went to his room and I went to mine.”

“You’re a fool.”

“Maybe.”

“So what happens next?”

“I’m not sure. Do you ever think about how Mom and Dad’s relationship affected you and Bruce?”

“It’s one reason I stay away from Tootsie. I’m afraid our marriage will become like theirs if I spend too much time around him. That I’ll treat Bruce the way mom treated Dad.”

“You’re not saying Mom drove Dad to cheat?”

“Of course not. It’s just that after a while, she became so bitter she couldn’t see beyond her pain. Everything she did was ruled by resentment. She’d snap at him the moment he opened his mouth. And he’d do the same. They expected the worst from one another and that’s what they got.”

What she says is frightening. It hits too close to what’s happening to me.

“It’s scary how often I notice myself thinking about Mom since Daniel cheated,” I say. “I’m so afraid our marriage will be like theirs—that I’ll take Daniel back and he’ll cheat again. Then I’ll become bitter and snap at him all the time. I don’t want that.”

“It’s hard to believe Daniel would do that.”

“It’s hard to believe he cheated with Dawn.”

“Sometimes you have to go on faith.”

We’re silent. I’ve heard all the clichés about how no one knows what goes in other people’s relationships. I assume everyone is as happy as they seem. It upsets me that I didn’t realize my marriage was falling apart. Daniel was unhappy, but he kept it from me. He became a stranger and cut me off. That feels like almost as great a betrayal as his affair.

“I can’t help suspecting I overreacted to Daniel’s affair because Dad treated Mom so abominably,” I say. “She made me feel that it was up to me to create her happiness, like I had to live the life she couldn’t.”

“What’s that got to do with Daniel?”

“Maybe I am punishing him because I can’t do anything about Dad. I can’t erase the pain he caused Mom but I can prevent Daniel from doing the same to me. Daniel accused me of that a few weeks ago and I told him he was crazy. Now I don’t know. We’re different from Mom. We’re not stuck with men like Dad. We can leave our husbands. And if we stay, it’s because we want to.”

“So you’re taking Daniel back?”

“I’m not sure.”

“You just got through telling me . . . ”

She sounds annoyed and I realize how confused I sound. “I’m talking from my head, not my heart,” I say. “I’m not sure I’ve forgiven Daniel. It just means I think I can. What would you do?”

“That’s an impossible question.”

Esther says nothing for a few seconds. A police siren thirty stories below emits a piercing wail that reverberates off the towers of Midtown. Holding the phone to my ear, I walk to the window and look for the cruiser. It’s long gone. The snow’s given way to sleet and rain and the street below shimmers with the dappled reflection of red, green and white lights. A couple bundled in heavy coats crosses the street at a crosswalk.

“Okay, Beckygirl,” Esther says, using my mother’s pet name. It makes me feel safe and reminds me I’ve got at least one person in my corner. She may not have the answers I need but she’s there to help me find them. “You know what’s best. Give Milt my love. And good luck with Daniel.”

I hang up and, after changing into my flannel nightgown, slide between the cool, silken sheets. As I pick up my novel, I realize I’ve never stayed in a New York hotel without Daniel. I wonder if he’s thinking about me.

----

34

----

My father takes a long time getting to our table tonight. It’s my birthday and we’re celebrating at his favorite restaurant, the Circus Diner. I’d hoped Gabe would join us but, when I invited him yesterday, he said he had an exam Monday and promised to celebrate another night. I don’t believe him. He can’t forgive me for making Daniel move out.

“Can’t you just let it go, Mom?” he said this morning, a refrain I’ve heard at least a dozen times since Daniel left. “It’s over and Dad wants to be back with you”

“I know, Sweetie, but I’m not ready.”

“When do you expect to be ready? What’s it been, three or four months? It’s cruel to make him live in that stupid apartment. And think about what it’s costing.”

So now I’m the cruel one. I take a deep breath. I don’t want to play the drama queen but he needs to know how deeply it pains me that he’s taking Daniel’s side.

“I