Me Life Story by Scarlett Moffatt (best classic books of all time txt) 📗

Joey Essex. Now I have always loved Joey, this was only the second time I had ever met him but he is a genuinely lovely chap. Yes, he only wears a watch for decorative purposes as he can’t tell the time but that doesn’t make him a bad person, does it? He is someone that, if I ever got the chance, I’d like to have a tour of Essex with; he could show me the sights.

We managed to get most of the crystals (they kindly got rid of one of them to get me out of the room I was locked in). We really did all put our hearts and soul into it as we did it for Stand up to Cancer, a charity close to all our hearts. We managed to get 112 gold tickets in total. Now as an avid fan of The Crystal Maze I knew we had to make sure we got rid of all the silver tickets out of the dome as they cancelled the gold tickets out. So me and my nimble fingers picked out every silver I could see. We managed to get 112 gold and only seven silver tickets: £20,000 won for cancer research. We were over the moon. We even got our very own ‘We Cracked the Crystal Maze’ commemorative crystals for keeps.

People on the television are super lucky, I mean getting the chance to do The Crystal Maze, it was so bloody fun, I’d have paid to do it. Another ‘job’ which I can’t believe is a job is Celebrity Juice with Keith Lemon. When I went on there I was on Fern’s team with Jonathan Ross (Wossy). Opposite me was none other than Holly Willoughby, Baby Spice Emma Bunton and Gino D’Acampo. We were carrying furniture whilst getting hit with plywood by a little person. I watched Wossy lick a man’s arsehole (obviously he wasn’t to know), Gino entered a sex party and I nearly died (at least three times) in a mechanical chair while shouting out answers to questions like:

‘Name three things you find in a cage?’

‘A hamster, a rat, a person!’

‘Three places you can’t take your clothes off?’

‘In public, the zoo, a nursery!’

One of the many highlights this year was filming adverts. I did some online adverts for Suzuki where I had to stick as many Post-it notes on a car as possible, play the Generation Game and pop balloons inside a car with my nails. Another one was for Virgin Atlantic which I absolutely loved; I had to be interviewed by three children on my knowledge of Disney and Virgin (obviously I aced it).

And then there was my advert with Kevin Bacon for EE. Now my advert was straight after the one he did with Britney Spears (no pressure) so I was honoured to be chosen. In my head, as the other adverts were filmed in studios I had assumed we’d be doing the same, but little did I know it would be filmed on a cold beach in the middle of nowhere in Hastings. Beautiful place but I have never felt cold like it. I was wearing a sack, a little pair of shorts and some thermals. I had to pretend to eat a witchetty grub, which brought back all sorts of traumatic flashbacks from the jungle. I did joke with Kevin Bacon, ‘Do you want me to save you a bit in case you’re hungry later?’ but I don’t think he heard me. I would love to experience that day again – it was just bizarre, but also I never knew you could have that much fun whilst not being able to feel your whole body from freezation (I understand this isn’t a real word but you can keep it, same as the word me and my mam use for someone who is really nasty, we say they are full of evility).

At one point me and Kevin Bacon (I had to restrain myself from singing Footloose every two seconds) were sat having a cup of tea watching Jeremy Kyle on set. I mean there’s something I never thought I would be able to write down. I think the tagline was: ‘Who stole my grandad’s dole money?’

Now I was trying to act cool around Bacon (that’s my nickname for him as I’ve met him for ten hours so obviously that means we are now soul sisters) but at one point I was strutting up the hill when a gust of wind came and I heard Jadeen (my agent) and Nicola (who sorts my hair and make-up out) shout, ‘Scarlett, your pants!’ To my horror I was standing there with my shorts wrapped round my ankles; luckily I had big granny-pant thermals on underneath otherwise Kevin would have got a shock. ‘I’m not intentionally mooning you, Kevin,’ I apologised. I was so mortified I could feel my face turn beetroot. Luckily he just giggled and saw the funny side of it, but I will never live it down and I can never watch Footloose in the same way again.

To my horror I was standing there with my shorts wrapped round my ankles.

Life is very surreal at the moment. Sometimes I just sit and think, oh my actual God. It is so overwhelming how my whole life has changed in such a short space of time. To be honest I never want it to end. I mean if it did, I’d be happy to go back to my life being a disability advisor but I just feel so lucky to be having these experiences.

Now even though the positives outweigh the negatives, there are a few bad points, like getting papped even when you’re just taking your dog for a walk or taking the bins out – and because of that the pressure of feeling like you should make an effort to look good all the time. But the worst part is the social media trolls or the people who comment beneath the Daily Mail