Confessions from the Quilting Circle by Maisey Yates (free ebook reader for iphone TXT) 📗

And I wanted you to be absolutely free of me. I did not want you to miss me. And that’s why I was so mean. That was why I ended it like I did. I didn’t want this. I didn’t want you to imagine some sweet romance where there wasn’t one.”

“I’m not mad at you,” he said. “I am furious at him. If that asshole is still alive I’m going to drive out to wherever he is and tear his head off.”

“Stop it,” she said. “Stop trying to put the blame for what I chose to do on someone else. I’m not saying that he wasn’t inappropriate, or out of order in some way. But he didn’t hold me down and do anything to me.”

“He held your dream over your head like a bully and asked you to jump for it, Hannah. He might as well have held you down. He might as well have.”

She covered her mouth with her hand, trying to keep the sound of distress that was building in her chest from escaping. This wasn’t working. It wasn’t going the way that she wanted it to. None of this was okay. It was supposed to push him away and it wasn’t.

It was supposed to make her feel... She didn’t know. She was searching for some way to be hard-edged and confident about it. Like she was a woman who’d made a choice with the asset she possessed at the time. Because it was worth it. Because the end goal was worth it. But instead she felt small and sick and dirty. Instead, she felt seventeen and scared.

And she wanted him to hold her and tell her that he loved her anyway, and she hated that. She hated all of this.

She’d stopped being scared a long time ago. Stopped being sad.

At first she’d felt devastated by how easy it had been for her passion to be twisted and used against her that way but then...she’d found the right story. One that didn’t make her feel small or afraid.

One that made her feel powerful. Special. And she’d clung to it.

“I can’t see it your way,” she said. “But I have to... I have to succeed. Or it was for nothing.”

“Your life is about more than trying to justify the actions of one bastard. If you want to succeed because you want to, that’s fine, Hannah. That has always been part of you. But the thing is, it’s only part of you. You were never special to me because you were going to be successful. You were just special to me because you were you.”

“That’s not enough for me. It’s never been enough.”

“Hannah... We need to sit down and talk about this. Have you ever told anyone about this?”

“No,” she said. “I put it away, and I left it here. Along with everything else. Along with you and everything, and the only reason I’m even thinking of it now is because I was stupid enough to get sucked back into this. Because I was weak. Because I didn’t get the principal chair position, and everything started to feel like it was falling apart. And none of it matters, because Avery is a victim. Avery’s husband hit her. And we have to deal with all that. This isn’t the time for me to go picking at old wounds. It’s just... It’s just the principal chair thing really sucked. And it’s you. And otherwise I never think about it. I’m fine.”

“Is this supposed to push me away?”

“Is it not?”

“No. It’s not. I should’ve been there for you, Hannah. I wish I would’ve known.” He shook his head. “I don’t know. I was seventeen and an idiot. Maybe I would have been mean to you. I hope to God I wouldn’t have been. I really do. But I can’t say for sure that I would’ve been what you needed. But I want to be. I want to be now.”

“What I need is space. And if my story doesn’t make you want to leave, then maybe me saying this is done will.”

“Please don’t do this.”

“I said no.”

“Okay,” he said, holding up his hands and taking a step back. “I’m not going to try to talk you into anything. But if you need me, you come to me. If you decide you want me, you know where to find me. I know it’s easier for you to try to burn it to the ground, to pretend that you don’t have an option. So that you can focus on that one thing out in front of you. But I’m always an option, Hannah. Even if it’s just as a friend. If you need something, I’m there.”

She turned and walked away from him, into the house, shaking.

And she tried, she tried so hard to see that one goal, that one end point, that one thing that had been driving her all this time.

That prophecy of her being special come to fruition.

And she could still see it.

But the problem was, she could also see this house.

And she could see Josh.

She could see him standing there, waiting for her to come back.

Waiting for her to come home.

28

I’ve gotten myself in trouble. That’s what Sam says, that I did it to myself. Women are supposed to know how to prevent these things, but I didn’t know. He says it will ruin everything. He says it ruined me.

Ava Moore’s diary, 1924

Hannah

Hannah was just about to hide when her niece and nephew burst through the front door and ran up the stairs, blocking her access to her bedroom before her sister walked into the room and saw her face, blotchy and red from crying like a child.

“What happened?” Avery asked.

“Nothing,” Hannah said, wanting nothing more than to drown in her own misery.

Was this what all these years of restraint had earned her? Josh had pulled a foundational Jenga brick out of her tower and now she was crumbled. Reduced in her living room.

At least he wasn’t here anymore.

“I’ll make some tea,”