The Gender Game by Bella Forrest (historical books to read txt) 📗

His face was deathly pale. His chest heaved in relief as Viggo transferred me to his arms, Lee's citrusy scent overtaking Viggo's.

"Good man, Viggo," Lee said hoarsely. "Good man."

Viggo merely nodded, his green eyes locking with mine for a second longer, before he turned and disappeared down the crowded corridor.

28

Lee and I didn't get the opportunity to talk much about what had happened before I was called in for my appointment with Dr. Milman, which turned out to be a lot more intrusive than I had anticipated. In Matrus, all doctors were females (with the exception of just one male who was the son of one of Queen Rina's courtiers). I guessed now I knew what it felt like for Matrus males every time they needed an examination.

Dr. Milman focused on doing everything he could for my injuries—stitched up the cuts, applied a thick white cream to my burns before bandaging them—and after Lee returned to the room, he informed me that I could leave. He equipped us with several bottles of medication and cream along with extra bandages, and said that the best thing I could do for recovery was rest.

The doctor arranged for a wheelchair for Lee to borrow so he didn't have to carry me everywhere. I was still feeling dizzy whenever I stood, but the doctor said that should resolve itself in a day or two.

Lee wheeled me downstairs and outside to the road where he hailed a taxi. Once inside, I found myself rehashing everything that had happened, with Lee asking for every harrowing detail.

I was relieved when we arrived back at Lee's house and once inside he carried me up the stairs, to my room. He laid me down on the bed and tucked me beneath the covers.

"How are you feeling now?" he asked, looking me over with concern as he stood by my bedside.

My eyelids felt heavy as lead. I needed to sleep.

Lee took the hint. "I'll leave you alone," he said. "You have to recover as quickly as possible. We have only four days left… Whatever happens, we can't let this interfere with the banquet."

29

The banquet.

As much as I tried to put off thinking about it, the time was drawing too close now. As much as I struggled to continue brushing it aside, I couldn't. I could no longer keep it thrust down to the depths of my subconscious.

Only four days left.

Four days, and I will be calling Viggo to the scene of the crime.

Four days, and I will be framing him for an atrocity he didn't commit.

Four days, and I will have ruined his life… Maybe given the Court reason to take it from him.

None of my previous techniques for numbing myself worked anymore. Maybe it was the stillness I was forced to inhabit, the quiet of my room as even Lee left me alone for hours on end.

It was as if every emotion I'd kept pent up since the beginning of this mission came flooding out at once. Overwhelming me. Drowning me.

How could I have ever agreed to do this?

Viggo had rescued me from death and here I was contemplating in only a few sleeps' time, pulling the rug out from under his feet. Stabbing him in the back in the worst possible way. I had made him trust me enough to show his vulnerability: the loss of his wife, his struggle with Patrian society, and his readiness even now to defy the rules. I had become his friend. Why else would he have left the fight to save me if he didn't value our friendship? If he didn't like me? He could have informed Lee of my disappearance and then left the rest of his team to look for me. He'd been off-duty at that time, anyway. He hadn't needed to leave the fight for me, nor had he needed to cover up the murder I'd committed. And yet he'd done all this. He'd foregone the mass of money he could have made from that fight, angered thousands of people, and maybe even put his sparkling future career on the line… all for me.

I shook my head as I lay in bed with my eyes closed.

No. No. I can't do this. I can't do this.

The hours slipped away at terrifying speed. Soon night had come around again. Then morning.

Lee's brief appearances to check in on me came as simply blips in time, brief interruptions to my agonizing over Viggo. He informed me that he'd washed Viggo's coat and taken it to the wardens' head office for him to collect.

Alastair called the evening of the third day before the banquet to speak to both of us. Lee told me that it was best not to tell him about the kidnapping—that it would only freak him out.

So I told Alastair that everything was going smoothly, even as I was screaming inside.

I told him that Lee and I would be ready for the banquet, even as I ached.

I didn't know what to do, or what to say—if anything—to Lee. I felt trapped in a web of my own making. Tangled up in knots with no hand to free me.

Although I should be focusing on nothing but my recovery, I was barely even aware of my physical state anymore. I used the cream and medication as the doctor prescribed, mechanically, by rote, barely even bothering to check the progress of my healing in the mirror.

I was too far gone, my mind lost on a different stratum.

Do I tell Lee what I'm feeling?

I feared his reaction, and I didn't want to lay any more stress on him than he was under already, but I finally reached a precipice where I felt I would lose my mind if I kept my emotions bottled up even an hour longer.

So, when I heard him return to the house, I called for him. He came climbing up the stairs and entered my room, sitting on