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heart sinking down into my stomach.

‘At the graveyard yes, then we walked back to town and went to Matt Malloy’s. We had a pint of the black stuff and then I got chattin’ to someone. He said he’d be back here.’

‘Well he isn’t.’

‘Ah, he’ll be about,’ he said flippantly, although I could see a hint of panic in his eyes that hadn’t been there a moment before.

‘Carrick, you know where I met him. You know what he’s planned to do before.’ I kept my voice low as pricked ears tried to listen in, especially Ava and Eoin’s.

‘I know. But he wouldn’t do anythin’, not today.’ He sounded as if he was trying to convince himself with his own words.

‘What, on the day he visits Abi’s grave for the first time? On the day he finally has to face up to everything he’s been running from? Really, Carrick, of all days, would today not be the one you’d choose?’

‘Come on,’ he said, placing his drink down and taking my wrist in his hand as he marched towards the door. ‘We’ve only been apart about thirty …’ he checked the clock on the wall ‘… thirty-five minutes.’

‘That’s a pretty good head start.’

I placed my empty glass down on a sideboard in the hall and walked out into the front garden. I instantly started thinking of high-up places that I’d seen on my walk through the town. But I didn’t know the place well enough.

I raised my palm to my forehead. The skin there was hot to the touch, warmed by fear.

‘Where would he go?’ I asked, stabbing my thumb into the screen of my phone and dialling Charlie’s number. Carrick arrived on the path beside me with his phone in hand too.

‘No idea. D’yer know yer way back here if we split up?’

‘No,’ I said as the call went to voicemail. ‘But I have Google maps.’ I opened the app, set my current location as home and turned expectantly back to Carrick. ‘Where should I go?’

‘Erm, you take that way,’ he said pointing behind me, ‘and I’ll go this way. Call me if you find him.’

‘Okay, you too,’ I replied, before taking off at a run, or as much of a run as I could manage in these shoes.

I tried my best not to panic as I jogged through the streets of a town I didn’t know, but the thought of him disappearing off the face of the earth, of him not being around anymore, brought hot, wet tears to my eyes. The sky was swollen with dark, storm-grey clouds and I knew that, before long, it would be sending its wrath down on to me.

I dialled Charlie’s number for the ten thousandth time and held it to my ear. Voicemail again. I groaned and began tapping out a text.

Charlie, please let me know you’re okay. Just one word will do.

I sent it and waited, watching the screen for little typing bubbles to appear, but nothing came.

I stopped for a moment, my head feeling light with Prosecco and fear. I leant against a wall; my fingers white with the amount of pressure falling on them. I tried to summon Abi with my brain, to ask her where he would have gone, but she didn’t appear and I wondered why I seemed to be losing control of my own imaginary friend.

The plinking sound of my xylophone ringtone tinkled out of my phone and into my ears.

My heart leapt as I brought the phone up to my face, almost clocking myself on the nose, and saw Charlie’s name on the screen. I answered and held it to my ear.

‘Charlie! Thank God, where are you?’

‘Nell, have you found him yet?’ My heart sank as Carrick’s voice came down the line.

I felt tears of false hope roll down my cheeks.

‘No. Where did you find his phone?’ I asked.

‘On the table in the pub. He must’a left it. I’ll carry on lookin’.’ The line went dead and I felt my knees give way. I sank to a crouch and rested my forehead against the wall in an effort to try and calm myself. I had never felt this level of fear before, this all-encompassing dread. Everything was at stake here, everything. There was a rumbling above me. The sky began to turn dark as if it was reflecting my own tumult back at me.

I twisted on the toes of my shoes and collapsed back against the wall. I opened my phone again and did what I always did when I needed help.

‘Nell?’ Ned’s voice came through the phone.

‘Ned,’ I blubbered. ‘I need your help.’ A fat, cold raindrop fell from the sky and landed with a splat on my knee and in seconds it was pouring.

‘What’s wrong?’ His voice took on a worried, fatherly tone and I could hear him stand up in preparation for a classic Ned session of pacing.

‘We can’t find him – Charlie. He’s gone and his phone isn’t with him and I’m just really frightened that he’s … that he’s done something.’

‘Okay, Nell. Calm down. The mind tends to jump to the worst-case scenario at times like this, but just because you can’t find him, doesn’t mean that he’s … well that he’s …’

‘Dead?’ I asked, my vision now completely useless for all the tears and rain obstructing it.

‘Where are you now?’

‘I don’t know?’ I looked around. At the end of the road I could see the buildings fall away and the open space of the bay open up. ‘Me and Carrick split up to look for him.’

‘Okay, well you’re in no fit state to be alone right now. Get yourself back to Carrick and make sure you stay with him.’ My clothes were already soaked, but the fear was keeping me warm.

‘But I need to find him,’ I said, pushing myself back up to standing and walking to the end of the street.

‘I know and you will, but right now I’m worried about you.’ Something in the sky gave way and all

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