Stef Ann Holm by Lucy Back (books to read in your 30s TXT) 📗

that. I’ve held it together because I don’t want to lose it with her. It’s a hard situation. I mean, she’s my kid, but I don’t want to parent her.”

“Why not?” Lucy asked curtly, then pressed her lips together. “Why aren’t you being her dad?”

He looked as if she’d just spoken a foreign language. “I am.”

“Well, if she’s doing things in your home that are disrespectful, you have to tell her no.”

“Yeah but, Lucy, she’s dealing with the death of her mom. She doesn’t know me. I just want to be her friend for now. You know, keep it even. No tension.”

“It sounds like you’re having tension.”

He sucked in a breath that hissed between his teeth. “You’re right. So what do I do?”

Lucy toyed with the spoon in front of her, her eyes cast down. “Why were the changes in the house displeasing to you?”

“I don’t know, they just were. I like things one way. Neat and organized.” Drew lifted his cup. “I’ve lived a certain way for so long it’s not easy to change.”

Keeping her temper, she tried to speak without displeasure in her tone. “How do you know your way is the right way? What makes Drew Tolman think that living a sterile life without photos on the walls and personal objects in the kitchen is a way to live? What’s wrong with having the refrigerator covered with magnets and life—pictures, receipts, take-out coupons?”

“I don’t like clutter on my fridge, okay? I just want—” But he stopped himself, scowled. “How’d you know about the fridge?”

Lucy bit the inside of her lip, the truth weighing her down. No way out. “I was there. I helped her do it.”

Drew tilted his head. “You did what?”

“She was upset with you, Drew, so I—”

“Upset with me? I haven’t done jack. I’ve been keeping my distance, haven’t tried to pressure her or make her talk to me.” A dark gleam landed in his eyes. “I’ve taken her places, done the father-daughter things and hoped she’d forgive me.”

“Have you asked her to?”

“Yeah, as a matter of fact. I did. This past February when I went to Florida I took her to a spring training game at Vero Beach. I told her I was sorry for everything.”

Lucy’s dander rose and she spoke from personal experience. “Being sorry and asking for forgiveness are two different things. I could burn your dinner and tell you I’m sorry, but if I did wrong by you, that would require me asking you for your forgiveness.” The stirring of a headache built, and maybe she wasn’t as “done” with Gary as she’d thought….

Sometimes, out of the blue, something got her worked up, and she remembered all too well what it was like to deal with a man’s ego. In this case, Drew’s was getting in his way.

Playing with the spoon’s handle, she formed her words. “I told you that my ex-husband cheated, then walked out on me two years ago, and in that time, I have made my peace with him. It wasn’t an easy thing to do. Bitterness is a hard thing to let go. Gary has never once asked me to forgive him. And he was the one who wronged me. In his mind, he said he was sorry for how things happened, so he gets a clean slate. I can tell you, Drew, there’s a whole different playing field between those two words. You live for baseball. Think of being sorry as a foul ball and forgiveness as a line drive.”

He stared blankly at her, as if he didn’t know what to say.

In a strong tone, she advised, “I suggest you ask your daughter to forgive you.”

Drew made a check of the time on the dial of his watch, then adjusted the band, looked at her and the surrounding room. “It isn’t going to be easy.”

“Nothing worth having ever is.”

“She’s going to tell me to go to hell.”

“I think you’ve been living in it for the last seventeen years.”

He raised a brow. “I’ll have to tell her about the alcohol.”

“She’s a smart lady. She won’t judge.”

“She might.”

“You’ll deal with it.”

Clearing his throat, he uttered remorsefully, “She told me she wants to go home.”

“It’s not too late to change her mind.”

“She’s stubborn.”

“I wonder where she got that from?” For the first time since Drew had come over, Lucy smiled at him.

Drew made a face—at himself. A roll of his eyes, a grimace, a soft snort of self-disgust. “Yeah. Maybe.” He stood, tall and broad-shouldered, then dragged a hand through his hair and smoothed it away from his temple.

She walked him toward the door, but he turned to her before they reached it.

One minute she was behind him, the next she was in his arms and he was kissing her softly on the mouth. The move was sudden and unexpected, disarming and wonderful at the same time. She’d been too surprised to linger and taste, but the warmth from his lips caused her heartbeat to lighten, flutter. Her arms wound over his shoulders, her fingers cupping his neck.

Against her mouth, he whispered, “Thanks, Lucy. I think you are amazing.”

His words of validation brought the burn of tears to her eyes. For a long time after Gary, she’d thought herself unattractive and unworthy. It felt good to be reminded she was important. She’d come to that conclusion on her own, but it felt really great to be told she had worth. And especially by Drew.

“Thanks.” She gave him an encouraging smile, one that she hoped he could carry with him and remember as he talked to Mackenzie. Part of her wanted to be there to mediate in case things got ugly; a part of her knew it wasn’t her place. Sometimes things had to get a little unpleasant before they could be fixed. This was one of those times where everything that either of them had ever felt needed to be spoken. Too much time had passed when things had been kept inside.

Drew brushed his warm fingers over her cheek,