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naked truth of what befel;
And as an equal friend to both
The Knight and Bear, but more to troth,
With neither faction shall take part,
But give to each his due desert;
And never coin a formal lie onā€™t,
To make the Knight oā€™ercome the giant.
This bā€™ing profest, weā€™ve hopes enough,
And now go on where we left off.

They rode; but authors having not
Determinā€™d whether pace or trot,
(That is to say, whether tollutation,
As they do termā€™t, or succussation,)51
We leave it, and go on, as now
Suppose they did, no matter how;
Yet some from subtle hints have got
Mysterious light, it was a trot:
But let that pass: they now begun
To spur their living engines on.
For as whippā€™d tops, and bandyā€™d balls,
The learned hold, are animals;
So horses they affirm to be
Mere engines made by geometry;
And were invented first from engines,
As Indian Britons were from Penguins.52
So let them be; and, as I was saying,
They their live engines plyā€™d, not staying
Until they reachā€™d the fatal champaign,
Which thā€™ enemy did then encamp on;
The dire Pharsalian plain, where battle53
Was to be wagā€™d ā€™twixt puissant cattle
And fierce auxiliary men,
That came to aid their brethren,
Who now began to take the field,
As Knight from ridge of steed beheld.
For as our modern wits behold,
Mounted a pick-back on the old,
Much further oft; much further he,
Raisā€™d on his aged beast could see;
Yet not sufficient to descry
All postures of the enemy;
Wherefore he bids the Squire ride further,
Tā€™ observe their numbers, and their order;
That when their motions he had known,
He might know how to fit his own.
Meanwhile he stoppā€™d his willing steed,
To fit himself for martial deed.
Both kinds of metal he preparā€™d,
Either to give blows, or to ward:
Courage and steel, both of great force,
Preparā€™d for better or for worse.
His death-chargā€™d pistols he did fit well,
Drawn out from life-preserving vittle.
These being primā€™d, with force he labourā€™d
To free ā€™s sword from retentive scabbard;
And, after many a painful pluck,
From rusty durance he bailā€™d tuck.
Then shook himself, to see that prowess
In scabbard of his arms sat loose;
And, raisā€™d upon his despā€™rate foot,
On stirrup-side he gazā€™d about,
Portending blood, like blazing star,
The beacon of approaching war.
Ralpho rode on with no less speed
Than Hugo in the forest did;
But far more in returning made;
For now the foe he had surveyā€™d,
Rangā€™d as to him they did appear,
With van, main battle, wings, and rear.
Iā€™ the head of all this warlike rabble,
Crowdero marchā€™d, expert and able.
Instead of trumpet and of drum,
That makes the warriorā€™s stomach come,
Whose noise whets valour sharp, like beer
By thunder turnā€™d to vinegar,
(For if a trumpet sound, or drum beat,
Who has not a monthā€™s mind to combat?)
A squeaking engine he applyā€™d
Unto his neck, on north-east side,
Just where the hangman does dispose,
To special friends, the knot of noose:
For ā€™tis great grace, when statesmen straight
Dispatch a friend, let others wait.
His warped ear hung oā€™er the strings,
Which was but souse to chitterlings:
For guts, some write, ere they are sodden,
Are fit for music, or for pudden;
From whence men borrow evā€™ry kind
Of minstrelsy by string or wind.
His grisly beard was long and thick,
With which he strung his fiddle-stick;
For he to horse-tail scornā€™d to owe,
For what on his own chin did grow.
Chiron,54 the four-leggā€™d bard, had both
A beard and tail of his own growth;
And yet by authors ā€™tis averrā€™d,
He made use only of his beard.
In Staffordshire, where virtuous worth
Does raise the minstrelsy, not birth;55
Where bulls do choose the boldest king,
And ruler, oā€™er the men of string;
(As once in Persia, ā€™tis said,
Kings were proclaimā€™d by a horse that neighā€™d;)
He bravely venturing at a crown,
By chance of war was beaten down,
And wounded sore. His leg then broke,
Had got a deputy of oak:
For when a shin in fight is croppā€™d,
The knee with one of timberā€™s proppā€™d,
Esteemā€™d more honourable than the other,
And takes place, though the younger brother.

Next marchā€™d brave Orsin, famous for
Wise conduct, and success in war:
A skilful leader, stout, severe,
Now marshal to the champion bear.
With truncheon, tippā€™d with iron head,
The warrior to the lists he led;
With solemn march and stately pace,
But far more grave and solemn face;
Grave as the Emperor of Pegu56
Or Spanish Potentate, Don Diego.
This leader was of knowledge great,
Either for charge or for retreat.
He knew when to fall on pell-mell;
To fall back and retreat as well.
So lawyers, lest the bear defendant,
And plaintiff dog, should make an end onā€™t,
Do stave and tail with writs of error,
Reverse of judgment, and demurrer,
To let them breathe a while, and then
Cry whoop, and set them on agen.
As Romulus a wolf did rear,
So he was dry-nursā€™d by a bear,
That fed him with the purchasā€™d prey
Of many a fierce and bloody fray;
Bred up, where discipline most rare is,
In military Garden Paris.57
For soldiers heretofore did grow
In gardens just as weeds do now,
Until some splay-foot politicians
Tā€™ Apollo offerā€™d up petitions
For licensing a new invention
Theyā€™d found out of an antique engine,
To root out all the weeds that grow
In public gardens at a blow,
And leave thā€™ herbs standing. Quoth Sir Sun,
My friends, that is not to be done.
Not done! quoth Statesmen; yes, anā€™t please ye,
When itā€™s once known, youā€™ll say ā€™tis easy.
Why then letā€™s know it, quoth Apollo.
Weā€™ll beat a drum, and theyā€™ll all follow.
A drum! (quoth Phœbus;) troth, thatā€™s true;
A pretty invention, quaint and new.
But though of voice and instrument
We are the undoubted president,
We such loud music donā€™t profess:
The devilā€™s master of that office,
Where it must pass, if ā€™t be a drum;
Heā€™ll sign it with Cler. Parl. Dom. Com.
To him apply yourselves, and he
Will soon dispatch you for his fee.
They did so; but it provā€™d so ill,
Thā€™ had better let ā€™em grow there still.
But to resume what we discoursing
Were on before, that is, stout Orsin:
That which so oft, by sundry writers,
Has been applied tā€™ almost all fighters,
More justly may bā€™ ascribā€™d to this
Than any other warrior, (viz.)
None ever acted both parts bolder,
Both of a chieftain and a soldier.
He was of great descent, and high
For splendour and antiquity;
And from celestial origine
Derivā€™d himself in a right line:
Not as the ancient heroes did,
Who, that their base births might be hid,
(Knowing they were of doubtful gender,
And that they

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