Her Reluctant Husband by Erica Marselas (summer beach reads txt) 📗

“We need to stop this.” He grabs my chin. “This is Deacon's fault. I know I have a part to blame. A big part, but I don’t want to spend forever pointing fingers at what was missed. I get you don’t trust me not to have people whisper in my ear, but I think I'm awake to it now, June. In a big fucking way.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“Why did you love me when I was younger? You said you loved me since I was sixteen, but at sixteen I was a drunk. Obviously lying. All around hot mess. So, I guess I don’t understand why or how?”

“Because when you would smile, you lit up a room. You kept me on my toes. I always felt calmer with you. I wanted to be a better person with you, and I wanted nothing more than to make you happy even if I sucked at it. Maybe that was part of the problem back then; I was blinded by the things I loved about you. You probably could’ve told me the grass was purple and I would have believed you. When you told me you were fine…I forced myself to believe you, though I knew better and I think it’s why I always wanted to kidnap you. I just didn’t know what to do, but I think Deacon knew I would love you through almost anything.”

“I guess thinking I killed your sister and cheating will put an end to that, huh?”

“I told you I came back the next day. What would have happened, we’ll never know though.”

“He really wanted me dead. I’m not sure why he didn’t even go through with it later at the motel.” I bite my lip hard.

He releases my lip from my teeth and brushes his hand down my cheek. “The thought of not having you, June, makes me sick. And it was that thought, after Ms. Gandy mentioned a chance of losing you, that kicked me into gear to see what I had in front of me. It wasn’t a feeling I could bear, even when I was still blaming you. I might have been fucking blind not seeing what you were dreaming about, but seeing you suffer like that, did kill some part of me. Now I’m seeing it all, Ju, what he did. I have you, and I’m not losing you. I can’t risk losing you.” He presses his forehead to mine.

“And I know he’s thinking of coming back and he’s said something to you where you believe that too.”

I nod.

“Come home. I can protect you there. Do what I was always supposed to do. We can start this whole marriage over, fresh.”

I push back from him. “Alex,” I sigh. “You can’t protect me there.”

“Of course, I can protect you there.”

“When you work, I’ll be alone. There’s no one around for miles.”

"Fuck work,” he grumbles from deep in his chest, and I think he truly means it.

“Alex, stop.”

“I’ll quit. You’re more important right now.”

“I’m not going to let you quit. Stop.” I rub my hand down his chin, prickly from his five o’clock shadow. “Listen, I just need a little more time to just think and soak all of this in.”

“I love you and I want to make sure you’re okay.”

I love everything he is saying and there is a part of me that wants to wrap myself in his arms and have him swear off the bad guy. Then everything comes at me like a slap in the face. I’ve been doing this on my own forever.

“I am okay. Nobody has ever protected me before, and I survived,” I snap. Maybe I have barely survived to be living some days, but I do. He’s my monster and I never had a white knight before. Why now? “Yes, I’m scared of what he can do. Trust me, he’s been inside of my head for so long I know what he can do, but if Deacon comes, I’ll face him. Like I always do.”

“That sounds like a death wish, June,” he grumbles. “You’re not alone in this anymore though. You have people that will have your back. Not just me, but your friends, hell, Ms. Gandy has her gun locked and loaded.”

I run my hands down my face and groan. “And I’m not saying I won’t surround myself with people to have my back or make sure I’m not alone, but Deacon isn’t going to strike when I’m under guard or when Ms. Gandy is wielding her shotgun. The thing between me and Deacon is our secret and he doesn’t want others to know, so if I do have to face him, even if I don’t win, I’m not going down without a fight. I need to learn to protect myself because in the end, I’m the only one who can.”

He leans back in his seat and glances out the window. The rain has stopped. He’s probably right, I do have a death wish, but the only way to cleanse the monster from under my bed is to no longer be afraid. I just need to find a way for him to no longer scare me.

“I’m not saying this to upset you. I know you want to help. But this is what I’m talking about. These feelings and thoughts I need to feel. I don’t want to be mad at you and I honestly just need the space to think. Can you understand that?”

He tilts his head and gives me a small smile. “I understand what you’re saying, but I’m still here for you, whether you like it or not.” He reaches out and pushes one of my loose strands behind my ear. “I’ll give you all the time you need, and I hope after that time, you’ll come back to me,