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Nathaniel.

For Topher Nathaniel Palmer.

“Yes,” she fiddles with the grass. She’s nervous and uncomfortable, and it’s because she knows I’m in pain. Something a child shouldn’t need to know about their mother.

In the real world or in a dream world.

“I don’t know how to get ready.”

This has her hands off the grass and bouncing in her lap. “I do.”

“Well, let’s hear it then smarty pants.”

She places her hands on my head and I see a clear path of where I am to go. Once again giving me what I need to move forward. This time, answers. And no excruciating pain.

The screeching violin pierces my thumping head. My hand flies to find a pillow to cover my ears, knocking over a small plastic container with my sleeping pills inside.

The lid pops off when it hits the floor and a measly two fall out.

Two, that’s it.

How did I go through so many?

My head pounds in a familiar way. My eyes are heavy and my mouth furry and sticky.

Throwing the covers off, I’m surprised that there isn’t much physical pain left. Well, with the amount of sleep I have been getting, I should be better than new.

Another off keynote pierces my skull.

I vaguely remember talks about Topher learning an instrument while we’re here.

Livvy offered us a place to stay. She has a rental off Great Ocean Road. Cliffside with ocean views. More importantly, not many people.

Topher didn’t even complain. But he did decide to buy a violin and use this time to his so-called advantage. Again. Lucky those little pills send me back to where I feel something. Anything. Anywhere but this pit of darkness.

And this is where it starts. Sitting hunched on the side of the bed. Three seconds into my day. Even then, I know it’s going to be too much.

That’s why I am down to two little pills.

Not today.

This time I lunge forward and stride towards the blinds. With both hands I let the stark sun burst into the room, momentarily blinding me.

The first thing I need is a drink. If I stand in the hot water now, I might faint. The fog in my head needs to be cleared.

I pick up the white robe that lay thrown on the floor and wrap it around me.

As I walk towards the kitchen, the sounds of the violin get louder and louder. And worse and worse. He still definitely needs a lot of practice.

I walk in as he is bowing.

“That was terrible,” Livvy says.

“And loud,” I add.

Both turn and stand abruptly.

“You’re up!” Livvy claps.

“How can I not be with the sound of tortured hyenas screaming in my ears?”

Topher laughs putting down his violin. “Oh, there she is, the bright and bubbly Miss Sunshine everybody.”

Despite the pile up of shit that life has been thrown at me, a smile touches my lips.

He will always be my home, too.

“How are you feeling today?” Livvy hops up on the barstool, resting her chin on her elbows.

“I feel like crap right now.” I reach for the aspirin to help with my headache but decide maybe just do this the old-fashioned way for a while.

I pour another glass of water.

“Do you want me to whip you up a nice brew?”

A magic brew?

“I’ll be ok. Just water for now. And maybe a walk a bit later.” This necklace is still weighing heavy on my chest, I’m not adding more magic inside me I will need to overcome. Which reminds me.

“Where is your computer?” I ask Topher. Surely it wouldn’t be too far away.

He clicks and points behind me. It lies on the kitchen bench, charging. I go straight to it and open the lid, switching the user I log in with.

“Whatcha doing?” Topher shuffles over to me as he peeks over my shoulder. “You have been hibernating like a bear for two weeks now. And suddenly you have an urge to-” Once my browser hits the airline site he stops talking.

I type my destination. Indonesia, Bali.

“Hell yeah, I am in!” he claps. “We need a god damn real holiday.”

He cheers, and he’s right. We do need a holiday and he will have the best one ever. But that’s not why I’m going.

I don’t tell Topher yet. He can have this happiness now. I look over my shoulder at Liv. “You in?” I ask.

She bites her lip. “I have school starting next week.”

I nod in understanding and purchase the two non-return tickets to Indonesia.

Not knowing what is in store for me. Or if I will ever see Nathaniel in my life. There’s only one thing I do know. Anna’s vision she put in my head.

One of me and the person who is going to help me recover. And that happens in Bali.

Nothing will stop me now.

If at any time he needs me, I will be ready. I won’t rely on the help of magic, or the skills of others.

I have a power and will learn how to use it. I won’t let this kill me. I will survive and I will thrive.

The world I wanted back more than anything is lifeless and reeks of death. If that means stepping into unknown dangers again, so be it, it’s not over for me.

This is the beginning of my story.

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Dedication

Thankyou, Renee and Julie.

Without your support this wouldn’t have been possible

And to my own chosen one,

my daughter.

Published by Knight Falls Media 2021

Copyright © 2020 by Penny Knight

ISBN - 978-0-6450308-0-8 (ebook)

ISBN - 978-0-6450308-1-5 (paperback)

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise without written permission from the publisher. It is illegal to copy this book, post it to a website, or distribute it by any other means without permission.

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