The Gender Game by Bella Forrest (historical books to read txt) 📗

brimming in my eyes. I did not want Lee to see them. I rarely cried, and much more rarely showed it.

"Violet, wait," Lee called to me, but I ignored him. I thundered up the stairs to my room and slammed the door behind me.

I threw myself against the mattress and buried my head in the pillows, letting them absorb my tears. My body shook in silent sobs. I squeezed my eyes tight. I felt ashamed to cry, even on my own.

I wished that I was a robot. That I could simply do, and not think or feel. That was what Lee required on this mission. A robot. Not a girl.

I staggered to the bathroom and splashed my face with cold water in an attempt to calm myself, then crawled back into bed and willed myself to sleep.

But my door slid open before I could manage it.

I groaned internally, wishing Lee would leave me alone, at least until the morning.

To my surprise, he had brought in a tray and he set it down on my bedside table. Upon it sat a jug of water, a glass, and a small white sachet.

He knelt by my bedside. I met his eyes through the gloom.

"Have some water," he said.

I was actually grateful for it. I felt dehydrated and I finished the glass and replaced it on the tray. He refilled it, then picked up the sachet.

"I've brought you something that will help you push through tomorrow," he said, his voice somber.

I sat up in bed, staring at the sachet cradled in his fingers. "What?" I asked.

"A diluted dose of the drug we talked about. The emotion-suppressing drug - Benuxupane. This is enough to make an impact for the next twenty-four hours."

My eyes widened. This drug wasn't supposed to be publicly available yet. Lee must have gotten it from the lab. As wary as I was about this mysterious new drug, there was only one logical way to respond to Lee's offer.

I nodded. Indirectly, it was exactly what I had been wishing for only minutes before his arrival. I would usually be the last person to want to give up control over my feelings and emotions. But now, I needed to. If I was to survive tomorrow without breaking down, I had to swallow this thing.

Lee nodded back curtly before tearing open the sachet and handing it to me. I squeezed it over my mouth and out popped a small powdery pill, landing on the center of my tongue. Lee handed me a glass of water and I quickly downed it.

I sank back against the pillows. Lee stood up and gazed over me. "You see," he said quietly, "I had a reason for asking what went on with Viggo." He cleared his throat. "Now, there are some known side effects like a mild headache, heartburn, and, occasionally, anxiety. But they won't last. You should be fine."

I closed my eyes. I'll be fine…

Lee's palm brushed over my forehead briefly before he collected the tray and left the room.

Benuxupane… What a good idea of King Maxen’s after all.

32

An additional side effect of the drug seemed to be sleepiness. I must've drifted off within ten minutes of swallowing the pill, and by the time I woke up, it was almost midday.

I sat up slowly in bed, rubbing my head and trying to make sense of what, if anything, was different about me. My head throbbed mildly. I also felt a slight churning in my stomach, though that was not necessarily a result of the pill.

I thought of last night. Of my visit to Viggo's cabin. Of our kiss. And I experienced the strangest feeling, if it could even be described as a feeling. I remembered everything, of course—every detail and every emotion that I had experienced then—yet recalling them did not bring the same pain they had last night.

Where longing and guilt had thrived was now a sense of hollowness. Of numbness. A dull, monotonous ache. That pill was like a painkiller for the brain. My emotions were still there, somewhere beneath the surface, but I was not close enough to them for them to hamper my objectiveness. The pill didn't eradicate emotions, but smothered them. At least, at the dosage Lee had fed me.

My brain felt sharp. Clear. Alarmingly clear.

I thought of the day ahead of me. Of tonight. And I saw the goal with clarity. For the first time, I was able to separate feelings from duty. Something Lee had urged me to do all along.

I slipped out of bed and took a shower, then headed out of my room. I found Lee, sitting in front of the computer in his bedroom, fully dressed.

Our eyes locked.

He raised a brow, expectant. "Well? How are you feeling?"

I shrugged. "Not a lot."

"That's good," he said. "Very good."

He offered me a chair next to him at his desk. He had been staring at the map of Patrus City and he pointed to one of the red dots. "That's Viggo. He's at Head Office. Let's hope he's not reporting you for last night."

I knew that Viggo wouldn't.

"So," Lee went on briskly, "Let's go over the plan." He reached into his pocket and drew out his phone, placing it on the table. "During Viggo's lunch break, you need to call him and set the appointment for this evening. You're going to say that you want to talk to him about last night. Don't give him too many details—the point is to pique his interest. You will say that you are going to be accompanying me to the lab's banquet tonight, and that you want to meet him outside the camera room. He knows where that is. There's a quiet, private space outside the camera room, so he won't find it strange that you are asking him to head there."

I nodded.

"You need to tell him that you will try to slip away from me and be there at seven-fifteen p.m. But request him to wait for up to