Gene. Sys. by Aaron Denius (feel good books .TXT) 📗

I don't know the answer to her question, so I lie. “Yes, and soon. You'll be able to see your family again. Tell me about them.”

She sniffles and speaks through her tears. “It's me, my sister, my mother, and my grandmother.”

“All women?” I ask.

“My father and brother were killed,” she answers with the pain of their loss still in her heart.

“How? By who?” I'm pretty sure I already know the answer.

“You all.” There is intense hatred in her voice.

My heart begins to share her hatred. It cries out for her. “I'm so sorry.”

“I just want to go home. My mother needs me. I have to help take care of my grandmother.” It amazes me how selfless her thoughts are when she is the one in need of help.

“I promise I will get you out of here.” I try to convince myself that I'm telling the truth.

She doesn't respond. My eyelids are feeling heavy again. I lie down on the ground at the edge of my cell and look at Anna. Her eyes are open, and they meet mine. She smiles, and I smile back. Her expression shows hope of leaving this dungeon, but her eyes know that it might not happen.

Our gazes stay locked on one another's. I fight hard to keep my eyes open, but the darkness of sleep wins again.

A light shines bright at the opposite end of the dungeon. I sit up, and the door to my cell is open. I look for the girl, but she is not there. Before I can look around more, I hear a faint chanting originating from the light. It’s my name: “80. 80.”

I run straight for the light. Faster and faster. I shield my eyes as my body crashes through the threshold of dark and light. When my eyes focus, I see my feet right on top of a ledge. Below me are thousands of drones, all looking up at me, chanting my name. Before I can make sense of the crowd below me, my feet slip, and I fall.

My eyes shoot open, and I flail my arms to stop myself from plummeting. The screams coming from my mouth jar me awake, and as I look around, I see that I am sitting in my cell. Right where I was before. What just happened? Where is the light? Was that real? I check my surroundings once more to confirm that I am still in my cell. Maybe Anna can explain what happened.

I walk to the edge of my cell, but like the last time I fell asleep, she is gone. I sit on the ground and wait. There isn't anything else for me to do, and I'm afraid that I will start to fall again if I close my eyes. The unwavering darkness and my ever-tiring brain make it hard to tell the difference between hours and minutes.

A sharp pain in my stomach makes me realize that I have not eaten since they brought me down here. I grab a couple of protein pouches and return to the same spot to wait for Anna and fight off sleep. The protein pouches cool my throat as I devour one right after the other. I must have eaten them too fast, because the energy in my body seems to have raced to my stomach to help digest it. I lie down and keep my gaze in the direction of the elevators.

I'm not going to be able to fight off the darkness; it's too strong. But I also don't want to fall again. There is nothing in my cell to hold me down, so I wrap my arms around a couple of the bars and hold on tight. After testing my grip a few times, I feel secure enough to let myself fall asleep.

When I wake up, I see Grant standing over me. He pulls me to my feet. “Let's go!”

“What?” I'm out of sorts. I can't tell if this is real. My eyes dart around as Grant pushes me to the elevator. Anna's cell is still empty. “Where is the girl?”

There is no response from Grant. He pushes me toward the end of the dungeon. Reflexes get my legs in motion, because I am not moving them willingly. I look at him. “What did you do with her? Where is she?”

“Who?” Grant replies as we enter the elevator. I can see a slight hint of light peeking through the crack above my head.

“Anna!” I demand.

“She's dead,” he states, emotionless.

My heart drops, and my legs follow. The metal hits hard against my knees as I catch one last glimpse of what used to be Anna's cell. The doors shut. Tears roll down my cheeks. She should be home with her family. She didn't deserve this. No one does!

A pinch in my neck sends tingles through my body, and I fall to the ground.

“You'll be fine.” Grant kneels next to me. He's blurry, but I can tell that he’s holding a needle in his hand. With his other hand, he closes my eyes.

[A1]For consistency, editing all ellipses to the same format (no space before, spaces between, space after except for when followed by other punctuation.

[A2]Contractions are used pretty inconsistently in their dialogue, which creates an awkward and sometimes stilted sound. At first I thought it might be intentional that they weren’t being used, but now they ARE used enough that it just comes off as inconsistent. I’m leaving them as is in most cases, but in some where it feels particularly stilted/unnatural to not have the contraction, for example right here (especially when it’s right after another one), I’m replacing them. Wanted to leave a comment since I figured the reasoning may not be clear if you’re looking through.

[A3]Bigger line edit so not doing directly, but I’d cut “from the moon…”—the mind already did that in the previous sentence. Leaving it at just “drifts” would read smoother by my eye.

[A4]Cut or replace one of the two “probably”s.

[A5]Phrased as intended? Meaning not quite clear.