Deep (Heavy Hearts Book 2) by Sarah Duncan (red seas under red skies txt) 📗

close to it. Shaun and Simon are too busy looking at something on their phones, and Garrett looks deep in thought with his brow furrowing, his teeth biting down on the top of his pen.

Returning my attention back to those blue eyes that lure me in, Ayden takes an earbud in each hand, brushes back my hair from my ear and inserts a bud before repeating it on the other side. His scent wraps around me as he leans in, and I fight the moan that wants to escape. My eyes dart past Ayden again to see that all the guys are watching this time.

When Ayden pulls back, I think he’s going to play me something on his phone, but he doesn’t. Reaching into his hoodie pocket, he pulls out some card-sized pieces of paper. I glance back to his eyes in question, but he gives nothing away. He’s nervous, though. I can tell by the edge of fear in his eyes and the slight tremble of his hand.

Then he holds up a piece of paper.

I’LL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF FOR THE WAY I TREATED YOU THAT DAY IN MELBOURNE.

My heart instantly aches. Not for me, but for him. Even though I haven’t said the words, I know deep in my heart that I forgive him. I should probably tell him.

He puts the card down between us on the floor and then reveals another.

I’M NOT PERFECT.

I STILL CARRY DEMONS.

I STILL HAVE MEMORIES THAT I WISH I DIDN’T REMEMBER.

BUT…

Shit, But? But what? He places that card down on top of the first and then reveals another.

I WILL NEVER LET MYSELF FORGET THAT DAY.

THE LOOK ON YOUR BEAUTIFUL FACE.

THE HURT IN THOSE SWEET INNOCENT EYES.

“Ayden.” I try to speak, but he quickly silences me by placing a finger over my lips.

For a moment, his eyes lock onto my lips where his finger rests, longing written all over his face.

Oh my god. I’m going to cave. Shit!

No, Lexi, don’t give in. He deserves better!

Pulling his hand away, he returns his attention to the cards, placing the one in his hand down and pulling out another to show me.

I DON’T DESERVE YOU LEXI.

ESPECIALLY AFTER WHAT I DID.

BUT THE PROBLEM IS…

He’s killing me. Its torture the way he’s dragging this out. But I also don’t want him to stop. Again, he places that card down and reveals another.

I NEED YOU!

“Ayden.”

Again, he stops me from speaking, this time by shaking his head.

He repeats the steps, putting the card down and holding up a new one.

LISTEN TO THE LYRICS OF THIS SONG.

IT’S NOT COMPLETELY ACCURATE.

BUT SOME OF THE LYRICS RING TRUE.

Ayden leans forward, unlocks his phone, and presses play.

I instantly recognise the song. It’s called ‘Prove how I love you’ by Archer 9.

I do as Ayden asks and focus on the lyrics. As the words are sung, he holds up more cards when he wants me to pay attention to certain lyrics.

YOU ARE THE CURE FOR MY EMPTY SOUL

A POTENT DRUG DRAGGING ME FROM THE DARK HOLE

He puts that card down and holds up another in sync with the lyrics.

I NEVER WANTED TO HURT YOU THAT WAY

I JUST WANTED TO KEEP YOU AT BAY

UNTIL I COULD FIX THE MESS IN MY HEAD

I’M SORRY FOR THE HURTFUL THINGS I SAID

BABY, PLEASE

LET ME PROVE HOW I LOVE YOU

Keeping that same card in his hand, he holds it up each time the chorus plays.

Then he holds up a new one.

KNOWING THAT YOU HAVE SEEN

THE FUCKED UP PART OF ME THAT IS MEAN

BRINGS ME CRASHING TO MY KNEES

BABY FORGIVE ME, PLEASE

TAKE ME BACK INTO YOUR EMBRACE

PULL ME OUT OF MY DARK PLACE

BABY, PLEASE

LET ME PROVE HOW I LOVE YOU

Then he holds up the chorus card again when it returns to the chorus.

By the end of the song, I am fighting to hold myself together, and then he holds up one last card after the music stops.

IT’S TRUE.

YOU ARE MY DRUG LEXI.

I NEED YOU MORE THAN I NEED AIR.

YOU ARE MY GIRL.

AND I FUCKING CRAVE YOU SO MUCH IT CONSUMES ME.

PLEASE TAKE ME BACK.

PLEASE REMOVE THE LINE.

PLEASE LET ME BE MORE THAN YOUR FRIEND.

A tear slips free, and Ayden leans in to remove the earbuds from my ears. The room is silent, but I know we still have company. I can feel their eyes on us, watching our exchange. I can’t handle the eyes. I can’t handle being so close to Ayden and not being able to touch him. I stand abruptly and race out of the room as tears fall freely. Before I even realise what I’m doing, I’m out the back door and in the garage clutching onto the punching bag that hangs from the ceiling. The gift Ayden surprised me with this morning.

“Lex.” Ayden’s pleading voice comes from right behind me. I hadn’t even heard him follow.

His warm hand lands on my shoulder, turning me to him.

“Talk to me.” His eyes are begging, and fuck me, I want to give in. But I can’t, so I shake my head. “Help me understand why you won’t take me back.” His beg nearly undoes me.

“You deserve better than me, Ayden. You deserve to heal and move on and find someone whole and not ruined by vile acts. You deserve to be with someone that can be happy.”

“You see, this is the problem. You think you’re not good enough for me, but the thing is, Lex, I think I’m not good enough for you. We both have pasts. Both carry baggage and bad memories. But don’t speak of happiness as if you will never be happy. We were happy until I fucked it up. You were happy, despite the horrible things that happened. You had times of happiness with me. We can have happiness together if we stop pushing each other away.”

I want to believe his words. I want to have what he’s offering. But it would be wrong of me to drag him down like that, so I shake my head.

Taking hold of each of my shoulders, Ayden rubs his hands up