Howards End - E. M. Forster (world of reading .txt) 📗

“Meaning that I was dead. I felt it.”

“Yes, the house has a surer life than we, even if it was empty, and, as it is, I can’t get over that for thirty years the sun has never shone full on our furniture. After all, Wickham Place was a grave. Meg, I’ve a startling idea.”

“What is it?”

“Drink some milk to steady you.”

Margaret obeyed.

“No, I won’t tell you yet,” said Helen, “because you may laugh or be angry. Let’s go upstairs first and give the rooms an airing.”

They opened window after window, till the inside, too, was rustling to the spring. Curtains blew, picture frames tapped cheerfully. Helen uttered cries of excitement as she found this bed obviously in its right place, that in its wrong one. She was angry with Miss Avery for not having moved the wardrobes up. “Then one would see really.” She admired the view. She was the Helen who had written the memorable letters four years ago. As they leant out, looking westward, she said: “About my idea. Couldn’t you and I camp out in this house for the night?”

“I don’t think we could well do that,” said Margaret.

“Here are beds, tables, towels⁠—”

“I know; but the house isn’t supposed to be slept in, and Henry’s suggestion was⁠—”

“I require no suggestions. I shall not alter anything in my plans. But it would give me so much pleasure to have one night here with you. It will be something to look back on. Oh, Meg lovey, do let’s!”

“But, Helen, my pet,” said Margaret, “we can’t without getting Henry’s leave. Of course, he would give it, but you said yourself that you couldn’t visit at Ducie Street now, and this is equally intimate.”

“Ducie Street is his house. This is ours. Our furniture, our sort of people coming to the door. Do let us camp out, just one night, and Tom shall feed us on eggs and milk. Why not? It’s a moon.”

Margaret hesitated. “I feel Charles wouldn’t like it,” she said at last. “Even our furniture annoyed him, and I was going to clear it out when Aunt Juley’s illness prevented me. I sympathise with Charles. He feels it’s his mother’s house. He loves it in rather an untaking way. Henry I could answer for⁠—not Charles.”

“I know he won’t like it,” said Helen. “But I am going to pass out of their lives. What difference will it make in the long run if they say, ‘And she even spent the night at Howards End’?”

“How do you know you’ll pass out of their lives? We have thought that twice before.”

“Because my plans⁠—”

“⁠—which you change in a moment.”

“Then because my life is great and theirs are little,” said Helen, taking fire. “I know of things they can’t know of, and so do you. We know that there’s poetry. We know that there’s death. They can only take them on hearsay. We know this is our house, because it feels ours. Oh, they may take the title-deeds and the door-keys, but for this one night we are at home.”

“It would be lovely to have you once more alone,” said Margaret. “It may be a chance in a thousand.”

“Yes, and we could talk.” She dropped her voice. “It won’t be a very glorious story. But under that wych-elm⁠—honestly, I see little happiness ahead. Cannot I have this one night with you?”

“I needn’t say how much it would mean to me.”

“Then let us.”

“It is no good hesitating. Shall I drive down to Hilton now and get leave?”

“Oh, we don’t want leave.”

But Margaret was a loyal wife. In spite of imagination and poetry⁠—perhaps on account of them⁠—she could sympathise with the technical attitude that Henry would adopt. If possible, she would be technical, too. A night’s lodging⁠—and they demanded no more⁠—need not involve the discussion of general principles.

“Charles may say no,” grumbled Helen.

“We shan’t consult him.”

“Go if you like; I should have stopped without leave.”

It was the touch of selfishness, which was not enough to mar Helen’s character, and even added to its beauty. She would have stopped without leave and escaped to Germany the next morning. Margaret kissed her.

“Expect me back before dark. I am looking forward to it so much. It is like you to have thought of such a beautiful thing.”

“Not a thing, only an ending,” said Helen rather sadly; and the sense of tragedy closed in on Margaret again as soon as she left the house.

She was afraid of Miss Avery. It is disquieting to fulfil a prophecy, however superficially. She was glad to see no watching figure as she drove past the farm, but only little Tom, turning somersaults in the straw.

The tragedy began quietly enough, and, like many another talk, by the man’s deft assertion of his superiority. Henry heard her arguing with the driver, stepped out and settled the fellow, who was inclined to be rude, and then led the way to some chairs on the lawn. Dolly, who had not been told, ran out with offers of tea. He refused them, and ordered them to wheel baby’s perambulator away, as they desired to be alone.

“But the diddums can’t listen; he isn’t nine months old,” she pleaded.

“That’s not what I was saying,” retorted her father-in-law.

Baby was wheeled out of earshot, and did not hear about the crisis till later years. It was now the turn of Margaret.

“Is it what we feared?” he asked.

“It is.”

“Dear girl,” he began, “there is a troublesome business ahead of us, and nothing but the most absolute honesty and plain speech will see us through.” Margaret bent her head. “I am obliged to question you on subjects we’d both prefer to leave untouched. As you know, I am not one of your Bernard Shaws who consider nothing sacred. To speak as I must will pain me, but there are occasions⁠—We are husband and wife, not children. I am a man of the world, and you are a most exceptional woman.”

All Margaret’s senses forsook her. She blushed, and looked past