Finders Keepers by Edie Baylis (8 ebook reader .TXT) 📗

really was and what had really happened. And why. That she’d never meant to hurt him. Or to lie to him, for that matter.

And she’d done it. She’d now told Jonah everything: that the affair with his father was not a cheap and random thing. They really had loved each other.

She’d cried. She’d cried a lot. She’d cried more when Jonah said nothing. He’d listened, but offered nothing in response. Asked nothing. Questioned nothing. And Gwen wanted him to. She needed him to. She needed him to react – shout, scream – say he hated her if that’s how he felt. She just wanted him to say or do something.

Was she being selfish? Probably, but she needed to know he was taking in everything she said. There was also a part that wanted his acknowledgement, forgiveness, anger – whatever, for means of allaying her own guilt, but it wasn’t just that... There was the part that she hadn’t yet told him. The part that she’d found out the day all of this happened. But how could she dump that on him on top of everything else?

Always able to read Jonah well, it was now like looking at a blank slate. Had he closed himself off completely or was he just empty?

Had what Saul, Lena and she herself, had done, removed his soul? Was she partly responsible for inadvertently ruining the most important person in her life? Against her every intention not to break down yet again, Gwen felt the tears building. Stop it, Gwen. You knew one day it might come to this...

Raising her eyes, she looked at Jonah, finding his cold blue eyes staring straight at her. Almost through her. She cleared her throat. ‘Jonah, I...’

‘Why didn’t you tell me...?’ Jonah cut in, his voice hollow.

Gwen blinked. ‘I-I’ve tried to explain. I didn’t want you to hate me. I know it doesn’t make it any more excusable, but I didn’t want you think that I’d...’

‘To think that you’d lied? Lied to me for years?’ Jonah snarled.

‘I-I’ve never lied! Just no one asked... It...it all stopped after your mother died,’ Gwen pleaded, her face pained. Please understand, Jonah. Please! ‘I never purposefully hid anything from you.’

‘But why stop then?’ Jonah pressed, his eyes burning. ‘Why not carry on? After all, there was nothing to stand in your way...’

A tear slid down Gwen’s cheek. ‘It wasn’t a conscious decision by either of us. It was never even discussed. We both knew... My and, I’m sure, your father’s only concern after that was you. You and Saul.’ She stared at her trembling hands. ‘You were my priority and were lost enough as it was, without us making things more confusing. You were only a young boy.’

Jonah remained silent, his eyes far away. Gwen sat for a few minutes, before tentatively reaching across the table. ‘I’m sorry, I really am. I wish now I’d told you a long time ago. I wish both me and your father had told you once you were older. At least then you would know that what we said was the truth and you wouldn’t doubt about how your father felt about your mother. He loved her more than anything.’

‘But he also loved you!’ Jonah spat. ‘If he’d really loved her then he couldn’t have loved you too.’ His voice trailed off as he pulled his hand from Gwen’s grasp.

Gwen stared at Jonah’s retreating hand. ‘It is possible to love more than one person.’ He hated her now. This could never be undone.

Jonah’s eyes focused on Gwen. ‘You should have done it.’

Gwen frowned. ‘Done what?’

‘Married him. You should have married my father.’

‘I don’t think either of us could have after what happened.’

‘Guilt, you mean?’ Jonah said, his eyes accusing.

Gwen flushed red. ‘Yes, guilt. We spoke about our guilt frequently before, but never afterwards.’

‘But you never married anyone else?’ Jonah said – a statement, rather than a question.

Gwen smiled sadly. ‘There was and never will be anyone else.’

‘Do you know, when I was young after mum died, I used to dream that my father would marry you. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t want to replace my mother, but you were always... always there for me. I felt comfortable with you.’

Gwen sat back in shock. ‘That’s because I’ve always loved you. You were the son I never had. Whatever you may or may not think of me now, I will always see you as my son.’

Trembling, Gwen watched Jonah rise from his seat. Moving around the table, he enveloped her in his big arms. Breaking down in surprise and relief, she sobbed into his chest, her fingers clinging to the back of his shirt. ‘Do you forgive me?’

Pulling away and holding Gwen at arms’ length, Jonah stared down at her. ‘Forgive you for what happened between you and my father? Things happen, Gwen, I’m not stupid, but I’m glad it wasn’t an affair for the hell of it.’

‘Your father never looked at anyone. He could have had the choice of anyone, but he never even...’

‘Until you...? And that’s the point. You’re a special woman, Gwen. But will I forgive you for not telling me? That’s harder. Although I understand why you didn’t, I wish you had and that will take longer.’

‘I, understand... I...’

‘She knew, didn’t she?’ Jonah hissed, immediately deleting Gwen’s relief. ‘Lena knew about your affair, that’s why you wanted to leave?’

Gwen nodded sadly. ‘She did, but I didn’t know how. No one knew...’

Jonah sat back down and indicated that Gwen should do likewise. ‘You said you didn’t know how? But now you do?’

Gwen took a deep breath. It was now or never. ‘I found out the night she... the night Saul... I came over here to tell her that she had to tell you what I’d discovered or I would. I tried to call you...’

Jonah folded his arms. ‘And?’

‘I was going through her drawer in our office and I heard her on the phone to her Uncle Ron. I didn’t believe she was pregnant at first and