My Best Man by Andy Schell (unputdownable books .txt) 📗

west Texas under the cottonwood trees, just the two of us and at this moment I know we’ll always be connected to each other, even if Kim blows us away.

“No good! Just a kiss!”

“What the hell do you want out?” Amity begs.

“More!” Kim says, his sinister grin now full on evil.

It’s a matter of life or death. Without a word, I slide down off the sofa onto my knees in front of Nicolo and put his dick in my mouth. He doesn’t move, nor does Amity, but I hear Kim’s footsteps come closer and realize he’s standing next to me. As I start to move up and down on Nicolo’s trembling dick, I sense the cold, shiny, metal next to my temple. Waiting. Waiting to blow a hole in my head. From the corner of my eye, I see the gun. Nicolo, I’m sure, is too afraid to respond. He sits, motionless, and his penis is motionless as well, remaining soft and unresponsive in my mouth. Please, Nicolo. Work with me here, buddy. I pull back on his foreskin, close my eyes, and concentrate, knowing that I have to

give the most intense oral sex of my life or I’m going to die. And so I do, I just do. I relax into the rhythm, open my throat, and swallow it the way I swallowed that hot dog at the baseball park when I was twelve. No inhibitions. I take it all. Praying that it’s not my last supper.

And he responds. In kind. Unbelievably, for a guy who has a loaded gun pointed at his head. And I just keep going, fervently, madly, totally committed to saving all our lives.

“Stop!” Kim yells. I stop. Slowly raise my head. Nicolo’s dick is standing straight up.

“G’yaw!” Amity says with wide-eyed approval of Nicolo’s dick.

Kim points his gun at Amity. “He learned from you!” “What?” she asks incredulously.

“He does just like you. You have been with him. You taught him!”

“Christ on a crutch, Kim! How the hell do you teach a heterosexual guy to give a blow job like that? That’s like forcing an infant to eat a pork rib!” Amity is shaking with fear, and I don’t think she or Kim hears the car door slam outside. “If I offered to teach you how to give a killer blow job, would you get down on your knees and stick this guy’s dick in your mouth?”

Kim skews his face and spits on the hardwood floor. “No! Disgusting!”

“Well, OK then,” Amity tells him, stomping her foot. “You can’t teach a straight guy to blow like that!”

The front door smashes open, its lock broken by force. Kim wheels around and points the gun at Thomas. “Shit!” Amity shrieks. “What are you doing here?”

Thomas stands there, dumbfounded by his heroic entrance, realizing it’s a stupid move since he’s empty-handed and Kim holds the gun on him. “We’re supposed to go to the movies! Why didn’t you tell me to bring my gun?”

I look at Amity, see the scheduling screw up register in her head.

“Who fuck are you?” Kim spews at Thomas.

“Who the fuck are you?” Nicolo butts in. Until now, fear and surprise have kept his Latin temper in check, but now it comes roiling to the surface. Or maybe he’s just pissed that the blow job is over.

“Careful,” I tell him. “He’s not a member of PFLAG.” “What’s PFLAG?” Thomas asks.

“Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays,” Amity answers. “That’s right,” Kim barks. “I’m not no member!”

All I can think is that he’s used a double negative, which means he is a member of PFLAG. I’ll never be able to explain it to him.

“G’yaw!” Jacqueline yells from the lawn. “Your new car looks like shit, Harry! It looks like shit. Your new car. What in the ” She enters through the broken door. “G’yaw! He’s got a gun. A gun!”

“People shut up!” Kim yells, taking control of the room again. “Get in,” he orders Jackie.

“For Christ’s sake, Kim,” Amity wails. “You can’t shoot us all!”

I count. “Yes, he can. That thing’s a revolver. Five bullets, five people.”

Amity counts. “No, you gotta include Kim. People who shoot roomfuls of people always turn the gun on themselves. He wouldn’t have a bullet for himself, which means he’d have to go to prison” she turns to Kim “and get fucked up the ass for the rest of your life by big black men.

Kim winces.

The phone rings. No one moves. On the third ring, Amity walks to the phone, picks it up. “Hello? Susan! How are you?” she asks as if she’s lounging on a chaise by the pool. “Of course, he’s right

here. Harry,” she says, her hand over the receiver, “it’s your mother.”

I don’t move. Amity extends the phone my way and looks at me like take it. I slowly move to her, grasp the phone. “Yes, Mother?”

“Hi, dear. I’m calling to say never mind your airline tickets tomorrow. I was able to call in a favor with the Goldmans and they’re sending down the Lear jet for you. Isn’t that marvelous?” “Marvelous.”

“So I want you two to be at Love Field tomorrow at exactly 10:00 A.M.” the executive terminal, because they don’t want to have to shut the engines down. They’re just going to keep the Lear idling,

and you two can hop on board, and they’ll whisk you to Wichita!” “Great.” ‘

“What time did I say?” she asks like a schoolteacher.

“Ten o’clock,” I tell her.

“Wonderful! Donald and I will meet you at the airport when you land. Gotta run. I’m having some color done on my hair for the wedding, and Donald and I are making a surprise purchase today! Love your guts I”

She hangs up the phone. And I wait a few seconds, holding the receiver to my ear while the dial tone threads through my brain.

The police sirens are sounding now. Coming closer. Someone must have reported the two smashed cars on the lawn. Kim panics, runs past everyone, and flies out the