Endless Noose - Jeff (ebook reader macos .txt) 📗

“If I am such a slug to you, why did you come back, albeit after eleven nights?” “To return your umbrella. I felt you needed something to help cover the constant rain that falls on your life. That is why, and that is only why; to retun your umbrella.” I had no words to this, nor should I have. I was in a fit, as if my soul was attempting to run away from my body. I fell to my knees, crying without break. I knelt next to my umbrella, and stared at it in great complexity. My tears began to fall more than ever, and they were now landing on the umbrella. ‘My poor umbrella!’ I remember thinking. I grabbed it and embraced it in my arms as if it were my own son. I layed there, on the ground, clenching the umbrella as tears escaped from my eyes. I was delirious and incoherent. Oh, humanity, why should I have ever expected anything else? The beautiful woman, I never ended up getting her name, began to walk away. I stopped her for one last moment. “One more moment, please.” She at least still had the respect to turn around and wait to hear my outcry. “ I will not lower the intensity of how you made me feel just now. You have murdered my will, my future, any sense of hope has blown away like the leaf. You, my beauty, have created a dead man in a functioning body. You have ruined any chance of attempts at connecting humanity- for now I know for sure, humanity is nothing but filth. Despite the consequences, I choose to see you as I did on this same street twelve days ago. You will forever be an angel to me. Forever be the woman who gave me a glimpse of love, that glimpse was maybe just a half second, but that half second was worth all of the torment of my life. I still see you as the purest beauty the world has to offer. You, my dearest woman, have killed me, but what better way to die than have my last sight be my angel? I ask one thing, one final thing from you. I ask you to walk away now, walk until there is no question I never see you again. And do not say anything as you walk away, I desire no type of reply to any of my outcries. My soul is ruined and as cleansed it ever will be. Oh, do walk away, do be silent. Farewell, my angel.” She did as I asked. I layed there crying, hugging my umbrella, until sunset. You may say I am an insane man. Well, dear reader, I am beginning to consider that there may be no insane men, only men who have ventured out to discover love, only to return lonelier than before. It is time for me to take a sip of vodka.


ACCEPTANCE AND MEANING

It has been four hours since my fatal interaction. Yet, time seems quite incoherent to me now. I admit, my reader, I am very drunk, but sober enough to conclude my words. I see no reason to fight for my belief in humanity, dear reader. I became vulnerable to that woman, I gambled my soul. The future is forever ruined, and disgusting, and oh I was right, filled with filth! Love is a noose with no end. But for me since my love is through, I will gladly tighten the noose and fall off the stool. No, I will not end my life, that is a weak and clichéd act of man in these situations. I took another drink of rum and concede I am struggling putting my words to paper, forgive me. Nevertheless, I no longer believe in humanity, save its blatant infatuation with filth. I will not die, I will not take a bullet to the head, no, I will be more unique than that with my misery, dear reader. For now on, I will embrace my hate of humanity as if it were my newborn child. Cowardly men are ashamed of their distaste for their fellow man; well, I am going to flaunt it, and make sure all men are aware of the filth they walk around with so proudly, albeit unconsciously. This is the only purpose remaining for me in life. Life, ha! God’s chief joke. It is beginning to seem more a possibility to me by the minute that the Devil is behind the markings of the human heart rather than God. Perhaps gathered the logs, but the Devil planted the fire. Yes, that is the only way it can be. After my interaction with that woman, my only remaining love, is my love for the glory of human filth. For, what truer duty of man than to embrace that which is most abundant? I feel freer than ever! Nothing has ever been so clear, is it possible to find splendor in filth? If it is, I am experiencing it first hand. I choose to hate until my soul escapes from my body. Maybe it is even right, even just, to hate man, if he is this ugly, there should be no other way but to hate. It is time for me to escape this torment with rum, if only for the night. Thank you, dear reader. Even though I hate you, I unquestionably love you.
Imprint

Publication Date: 07-13-2012

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Dedication:
Is there any greater pain than longing for the sun in the black of night?