Living with the Mind of a Manic Depressive - Brad Powell (novel24 .TXT) 📗

I am lost


13. Untitled and Unloved

We had a good thing going in a casual way
I told you how I loved you every day
We had our problems just like everyone else
But I chose to end it all because of myself
From the start I lied to you trying to hide
Everything before you, just a clever disguise
Ridiculous it seemed how I always was sleeping
But in reality every time I was secretly reefing

Its funny how I thought that I would be free
But yet, everyday, you still haunted me
I left for reasons that I thought were real
But only happy memories remain for me to feel


I said, in the end, that we were just a lie
Tricking myself, in hopes to just get by
I hurt you even more than my heart could bear
So I ignored you even more as if it were fair
Since then I've tried every night and day
To find a replacement who I can truly say
Is better than you in even a single way
But all I have gotten is heartbreak in May

Its funny how I thought that I would be free
But yet, everyday, you still haunted me
I left for reasons that I thought were real
But only happy memories remain for me to feel

I assumed that you hated every ounce of my being
Even when I wanted you, I just cowered from seeing
That you still loved me just as if you never stopped
Tearing up my eyes and my jaw had nearly dropped
Its awkward in a way how every night when I deem
To imagine a perfect world, and you appear in my dream
How I awaken so suddenly as my heart begins a race
And how my single waking moment was a still frame of your face

Its funny how I thought that I would be free
But yet, everyday, you still haunted me
I left for reasons that I thought were real
But only happy memories remain for me to feel


Here's you fact, I can't even express
All of this emotion is long since repressed
I tried all I can to move on in this life
But your song still plays eloquently on a fife
Irony can't even try to be as profane
As my nightmares that taunt me insane
I'm scared to wake up in a horrific apparition
Afraid you will leave hastily in opposition

Its funny how I thought that I would be free
But yet, everyday, you still haunted me
I left for reasons that I thought were real
But only happy memories remain for me to feel


14. Sticks and Stones Shall Break my Bones

I've said it before, and like acid on my tongue, I will say it again
Its like a stupid game I play, back and forth I go once more
As I near the finish line, the track seems to extend itself infinitely
I call for help and I wait, and after I wait even longer, there is no reply
Do you see me struggling here? Can you feel me tugging at your sleeves?

I read a book today, but in the first line, all I saw was a picture
With those piercing eyes and soft skin, you taunt and scorn me
Like a stone I picked up that sat in the sun too long, I threw it
Hitting my wall, I see a crack. Blood pours out of it as my room screams in pain
Am I going insane? Is this what I deserve for the bad things I never did to you?

You should be the one crawling back, like a dog who ran to the end of his leash
Why am I feeling the pain you deserve? Why can I have the apathetic role?
Don't I deserve to be happy? Can't you understand that its unfair?
Close your eyes and I hope they are arid, because I have cried all of your tears
Once again I will take all of your burden, my only reply: "As you wish"


15. Heart is Where the Home is

It's hard to see the Earth as I stand upon the grass
Gazing into the empty sky, watching every season pass
Yet it's simple to just assume that every day is thrown away
When you fall into your mind, adventuring aimlessly where you lay

Sing out your soul and paint it on the wall
A maze of pretty pictures for all the world to see
Sing out all the truths, or you will be in awe
Of the lyrical martyr of souls who is yet to flea

Smile, laugh, cry and scream: a muse that inhabits us all
Listen closely to the inner monologue, pick up its hidden wisdom as it calls
Hold your closest friend in embrace like a child who is afraid of life
Tell them every bearing memory, take nothing at all in strife


16. As One Fights to be Free

Peaceful it must seem to die alone right here
Planned to the very last cut, one more failure is my fear
An easy excuse to make for a boy trying to be free
From the thoughts that haunt a tattered soul to be

End it all if you can, be weary of the edge
That you trekked so far to behold from afar
Look to the horizon, only stare at the ledge
Malice is not your calling, it can only mar

In my hands I hold a choice to be free, or just hold on
A simple metal blade. Am I already too far gone?
Through such chaos, I will say it's the most mindful you can be
Holding the key to open a door; only then can you truly see

End it all if you can, be weary of the edge
That you trekked so far to behold from afar
Look to the horizon, only stare at the ledge
Malice is not your calling, it can only mar


17. A Shattered Soul is Mended into Greatness

Cry out all your sorrow, every tear a different woe
Get out every single regret, then yourself, you will truly know
Living in your past can be another tally added to the day
That your future will remember, “good riddance” it shall say

Open your eyes to the light of the stars
Quite sobering a though, your problems are so small
Your mind is your prison, your past the bars
Break free of the chains, out the tower you must fall

Reply “no” to the assumption that you cannot control
The life that you have chosen and mend your broken soul
Take the makeshift pieces and solve the puzzle of yourself
All the effort will be rewarded, put your old ways on the shelf


18. The Reasoning Attained from a Lifetime of Neglect

To my family, I would like to say, respect is a concept I am unable to supply
When naive faith is all that holds together the crumbling bricks of your cult
I've endured your preachings of your god, and all of the intolerance you promote
And you beckon for my undying allegiance to join you on your path of militant piety
But I won't alter my morals for your love, that's obligated with dishonest claims
In our house, that I cannot call home, you've portrayed a heretic in my likeness

I aimed to counterfeit devotion, if only to earn my rightful place in your abode
Yet these days I laugh when I recall the facade I exhibited precisely on every sabbath
Pondering upon the sacred writ you hammered in, I grunted through your book
And I wasn't convinced that logic could be found in your over translated desert doodles
Ignorance can not be bliss, because your incessant prejudice must be stressful
Love one another is your lost claim, shadowed by the violent nature of your dogma

Biologically we are related, but I chose to break free of your poisonous dictum
And you ensnare anyone who is weak minded enough to believe in your fairy tales
Many times I pursued to relate to you but I can't have faith and wisdom too
I'm cursed from attaining your approval without losing my regard for myself
I will always love you all, but its difficult to lay claim to my seat in the lineage
Until you look past your unrelenting zeal and offer dignity warranting a son


19. See the Light

Tragic lies are what fueled our tragic fate
Where we so blind that we didn’t see the way?
Open your eyes and wipe away the puss
Its not every day that you get see the light

Glorious it seemed for the fleeting moments it lasted
We shined brighter than the northern star on a clear night
But snuffed out like dark clouds rolling from afar
We were left alone in the end crushed from the weight of reality

Stupid it must have seemed looking in from the background
Almost sad if you can admit it, we tried to run from instinct
Being as one with you seems like a shard of glass to the heart
Mistakes this big should be in no hurry to reoccur

One day in I kissed your lips
One day out those lips cursed my name
One week in we took the final step
One week out you told your friends you were ashamed
If I knew you were so fake I never would have dreamed of your name
If I ever knew I was so fragile, I could never have escaped as the same Imprint

Publication Date: 01-06-2010

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