Random things that pop into my head at inconvenient times - Brooke Renner (best novels to read txt) 📗

home then maybe they would have at least heard her out and not have walked away so easily when they found out what was really happening in her home.

Most of all she wished she would have never set at that table on her first day, that she would have actually talked to that peppy strawberry blond rather than acting shy and only giving half answers, and that she would have – should have – been more open to those around her.  Maybe even talked to that boy who had openly showed intrest in her throught out her first week.

It was too late for the “would have’s” and “should have’s” though and she knew it. She had already picked a day and written a letter to her family. She had picked her birthday to end it. She would correct the mistake her parents had made on the same day it had started. She had only to wait a month or so and it would all be over – she would be dead. 

There would be no more anger or hatred, there would be no more arguments, and most of all there would be no more tears shed for the things people said and did to her. Everything would be blissfully quiet; she would neither go to Heaven or Hell because she would just stop existing all together. She felt there could not possibly be a Heaven or Hell because there could not possibly be a God. And if there was a God then she hated him, truly hated him because he had let her suffer all of the things she had and that he never once answered her prays. 

Not long after she had made the choice to commit suicide, she found a paragraph about someone else who had. It made her stop and think about what she was going to do. Was it really the only option she had? Is it what she really wanted to do?

She did not know who had written it or if they had thought similar thoughts to her own, but in the end she was glad she had found it. It made her think about what might happen to her family if she were to die. How her older sister might not go out as much, that she might actually come home once in a while rather than stay out all night; how her mother would blame herself for not being able to be a good mother — even though she was; and how people at school might actually be willing to talk to her and change their opinions of her if she were to give them the chance rather that acting spiteful towards them. 

After summer was over she went back to school, but this time she didn't wear black, nor did she sit in the back of the class room with a book – No! During her senior year of high school she went out of her way to make things better. She talked to that strawberry blond – who was now a brunet – and joined clubs. She reestablished her connection with all her old friends and never looked back because she knew if she did she would be terrified at what she saw. She talked to that boy who had always watched her, her first year there, and at the beginning of year five they had plans to go to the same college together. She had burned the note she had written and was slowly mending her relationship with her mother. Now she had her own loved ones, but she still read to see what happened to theirs, even if she no longer envied them. 

That section of words that had saved her life was written down in the front of her senior year book with a little question mark at the bottom and a line she had put there her self saying to never look back.

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Publication Date: 12-13-2013

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