Transition Into... - A.J. Macabre (smallest ebook reader TXT) 📗

Wire Halo


The sun-surpressed scream of my soul,
Must it forever escape my diconcerned lips as a sigh,
A sign to oblivion that i dont care?

There is no male,
To my female,
There is no yang,
To my yin,
There is no one who would ever know me,
For who i am.

Why am i always slaked of my individulism?
No one likes the thing,
That makes me,
So what do they expect that they are in for?

My friend you are,
Falling on a false reality,
And is it one,
That you have created in your own head.

And i wont cease to be,
Even if you think i am the same,
I will never cease to have the same soul,
And my spirit will always resent you for condemning me.

Why?
I let nothing go,
I let go of nothing.
And get nothing in return,
Nothing returns to me.

You made me feel,
Something more than nothing more...

But I feel choked

Is it white,
Is it black?
Is it compromse?
Is it fate?

Did i fail far enough,
To always have to cross the T's and dot the I's?

I want to forget,
Return to the grave that i was in.

I am a passenger in my own life,
I try to steer,
But i lose control,
I crash and i burn.

I wear your wine,
Twined 'round my throat,
But your flesh,
Is far away and lost to me.

I forget where i am,
I forget my name,
But i cant forget what lingers still,
That thing that keeps me trapped in this endless despair,
This eternity.

What was the point?
Were we just wasting our time?

Is is this life that i'm just passing through?
When i abandoned god,
And the daylight storms?

And my pretend cloud of normalcy,
Weighs down my heart,
And stretches my soul until it resembled nothing,
Of its former being.

And I chose to die so that people would know that I was strong,
Strong enough to face death on my own accord.
Not wait in shadows,
Head down,
Waiting for him to come for me.

To glare eye to eye to his faceless form,
And throw myself into those depths...

That never end,
That unknown myth.

That razor wire halo that I told you would make you dead inside,
That Jesus Christ complex,
The one that stifled that horrible scream between your lips,
And scatters webs of lies to the wind.

I tried to tell him,
He makes me dead.
And my skin,
He makes me laugh,
He turns my body to ash,
Scatters it to the wind.

He brings me back,
Pushes me hard,
Makes me a ghost.
And I remember ribbons...
They tied me down.

The damp in the air,
Termoilality!
And my mind reels around a puzzle that it cant solve,
He's gone and the joke is on me,
Like the feeling of lost years,
Nothing but something you remembered...
Like long ago.

I have come full circle,
Back to my past,
Saving years,
Instead of of regarding memories as a curse.

I have started again,
From whence I started before,
I overlap my mistakes,
Put them behind,
Changed who I am,
From where I am,
Bettered me,
The circle is complete,
Except for the company that I have come to keep.

My minuteness on a grand scale.
It all started with one,
A drop of poison daily,
And that touch...

Words like gold,
I'll melt them down,
Until they seem like the up side of down,
Until I taste a little death.

Into the ether, a haze,
A blur,
Across my memory,
So worn out,
Like im gaining on the race,
But not quiet ever there.

I've laid claim to mens souls,
Yet still I find myself alone,
Pulling the trigger on my own human soul,
Where enough isn't good enough,
Where you told me so.

And when I close my eyes to sleep,
The nightmares come rolling in.

And I remember that,
I have taken journeys longer than this.
You won't feel bad,
You never did.


Suicide of Hope; Act 2


It's the warmth,
It's the secure thought,
It's a feeling that begins low,
Rises,
Rises high,
From the tips of toes,
That curl,
To the top of head,
That swims,
Ever so.

I dont want to remember,
I only want to create,
Forget the old emotions that bog me down,
Feel the new,
Fill my soul with it.

I dont want to twist you 'round my little finger,
Want you to be yourself,
Want me to not be who i am.

Does that mean that i've given up?
Given in?

And i think you should know,
That i'm trying my best,
I think you should know,
I'm looking in the department of trust,
I just have a hard time letting go,
I thought you should know,
I want this to work,
But life is living afterall,
And that seems too long sometimes.

My life reflective,
I tend to make the same mistakes,
I cant seem to change,
And if i do,
I change too often,
Too soon.

The closer you seem,
The more i back away,
I cant seem to forge a new chapter,
Cant step past a certin gate.

I cant let go,
To love like i used to,
Because used to is gone,
And i think that the past has broken me.

I'm lost and i feel too old,
Tired of these silly things that i claimed were me,
The cry in vain,
The precussion,
I'm tired,
And i feel like i should grow up,
Forsake the dye,
And the metal.

The unspoken things are a curse,
To think and never speak,
The unspoken things make me imperfect,
Make me weak,
Because i cant say how i really feel,
Even if i have the words on paper right in front of me.

I cant say,
Because i dont know.

I dont want you twisted 'round my little finger,
Dont want you that attatched,
Dont want to fuel your fire,
If i cant abide.

And i think you should know,
I've held choices,
Filling up my hands before,
And i cant say that i ever chose the right one.

And i thought you should know,
That im not sure i can forget,
To remember,
All the things that make me not want to feel,
Anything.


The Charcoal Acid Trip Disorintation and Sensory Rememberance


All the notes,
Uncatagorized,
The black and the white ones,
All ivory teeth and hell bound,
The music sends me down.

I come up,
I get lit,
The smoke,
That spent cherry scent,
God damn cigarette,
Though i told you that i had quit.

You take me down,
A cool voice that swallows me up,
Your hands, they are overtaking mine,
I watch your face,
As it creases to appeasel,
Dimple of my demise.

I think you saw me stagger,
Before i ever tripped,
I think you wrote me falling,
Before i ever fell.

I think you caught me,
Before i hit the ground,
I think you caught me,
Cant say how.

Eyes closed,
Situation cant be led,
Beating down as hard as i can,
Just to make some sound,
Deaf concrete jungle all around.

Exasperatin,
Heavy as rain clouds,
Expecting less,
Than a drop of prophit,
Torrent of unknown.

To be as memorable as a noose from a railroad bridge,
As walls of the world that swallow you down,
Roads that lead to no where,
Even to be remembered as better off alone.

Ive been waiting for the colors to fade,
Trying not to bother with the old things,
Taking up my mind like tattered window seals,
Crawling up my ankle like an old creeping vine.

Cant starve off the hunger,
The biting at my lip,
Cant starve away the gnawing,
That relentless pang.

The new ink feels like old burn,
Your asleep and there is restlessness,
My soul is dancing,
Ashamed though your not around.

I feel your music,
Through the empty it surrounds,
Fills me up all too well,
I hear your words,
Though you dont speak them,
You dont need to,
Words can be unspoken...here.

I feel your music,
Spirit,
I feel your sadness,
Hesitance,
I feel the draw to not move forward,
Stay safe in the surroundings.

Procussion,
Echo,
Stay in the pulse,
Feels so close like mother,
Like childhood,
Though just escaping,
The joy thats fading.

I've lost the train of thought,
Railroaded into the sea,
Sandy shore has eaten it,
Thoughts of used to...
The ones that supersead me.

I delve,
Succumb to,
Golden horizons,
That lay beyond,
And the secrets they claim.


The Haste


Belly to the ground and depressed,
Wondering why i always do this to myself...

Give me your hand,
I only need one night,
You'll love me like the rest,
And why wouldnt you?
But stay inside,
Because this world is mine.

Your detramental to my health,
I'm only coming up once,
I'll exhale my last sigh,
You'll surely watch me drown.

I'm just recovering, from lifes last beatingdown.

When i fall in my mind,
I fall into sleep,
It was the darkest fall,
It was the best downward spiral of all.

I'm only feeling oblivion.

When i touched the flesh,
Felt the cold skin beneath break,
It shattered my heart,
Steadied my breath.

I'm only feeling fleeting.

I feel the cold winds surely coming,
Course set upon me,
Another winter approaching,
A length i have yet to survive.

I'm only feeling world come crashing.

I bury the loss,
Years past i could have better spent,
I cry for time,
With none left to gain.

I'm only tasting a little bitterness.

A little icy bite,
A little hint of malcontent,
Venom in the teeth,
And sinking in.

One bad day is all it takes,
I'm only watching the world divide, by zero.


The One With No Title


I cant take any more noise in my head,
I'm lying when i say that i'm fine,
All these distractions clogging up my mind,
I'm lying all the time.

I cant see clear,
There is always something in my way,
I cant take that final step,
There are always obstacles thrown in my path,
I tear the wall down,
They build a fortress in its place.

I drown in the bogged down feeling,
Into my own dismal fate,
It bellows...
Silent.

Sometimes i miss you when your right there,
Sometimes the darkness fills my eyes so much that i cant see,
Sometimes this life becomes too much,
And those thoughts in the back of my mind,
They creep up,
Sometimes i cant see the good,
Through this perverse vail.

I like this world the best,
When blanketed with the drug,
When the bubbles go to my head,
When the forever pain subsides,
When i don another face,
When i'm wearing my disguise.

Because i cant smile anymore,
Without my fix,
I cant fake fine,
Without another hit.

Give me the answer,
Or the dose,
Swallow another pill,
To give me peace.

Sometimes i cant stand up,
I dont want to move,
Let the chaos of this world build around me,
Right through me,
Cover me up with asphault and grime,
Let me be still as stone,
Still as ice,
Less than one,
And as complete as zero.

I have memories that are not there,
But i'm pretty sure that the