Life of St Teresa of Jesus - Teresa of Avila (classic books for 11 year olds TXT) 📗
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have the fruition of that which is so precious but at a great
cost, so neither do we perfectly prepare ourselves for it. I see
plainly that there is nothing by which so great a good can be
procured in this world. If, however, we did what we could, not
clinging to anything upon earth, but having all our thoughts and
conversation in Heaven, I believe that this blessing would
quickly be given us, provided we perfectly prepared ourselves for
it at once, as some of the saints have done. We think we are
giving all to God; but, in fact, we are offering only the revenue
or the produce, while we retain the fee-simple of the land in our
own possession.
3. We resolve to become poor, and it is a resolution of great
merit; but we very often take great care not to be in want, not
simply of what is necessary, but of what is superfluous: yea, and
to make for ourselves friends who may supply us; and in this way
we take more pains, and perhaps expose ourselves to greater
danger, in order that we may want nothing, than we did formerly,
when we had our own possessions in our own power.
4. We thought, also, that we gave up all desire of honour when we
became religious, or when we began the spiritual life, and
followed after perfection; and yet, when we are touched on the
point of honour, we do not then remember that we had given it up
to God. We would seize it again, and take it, as they say, out
of His Hands, even after we had made Him, to all appearance, the
Lord of our own will. So is it in every thing else.
5. A pleasant way this of seeking the love of God! we retain our
own affections, and yet will have that love, as they say, by
handfuls. We make no efforts to bring our desires to good
effect, or to raise them resolutely above the earth; and yet,
with all this, we must have many spiritual consolations. This is
not well, and we are seeking things that are incompatible one
with the other. So, because we do not give ourselves up wholly
and at once, this treasure is not given wholly and at once to us.
May it be the good pleasure of our Lord to give it us drop by
drop, though it may cost us all the trials in the world.
6. He showeth great mercy unto him to whom He gives the grace and
resolution to strive for this blessing with all his might; for
God withholds Himself from no one who perseveres. He will by
little and little strengthen that soul, so that it may come forth
victorious. I say resolution, because of the multitude of those
things which Satan puts before it at first, to keep it back from
beginning to travel on this road; for he knoweth what harm will
befall him thereby—he will lose not only that soul, but many
others also. If he who enters on this road does violence to
himself, with the help of God, so as to reach the summit of
perfection, such a one, I believe, will never go alone to Heaven;
he will always take many with him: God gives to him, as to a good
captain, those who shall be of his company.
7. Thus, then, the dangers and difficulties which Satan puts
before them are so many, that they have need, not of a little,
but of a very great, resolution, and great grace from God, to
save them from falling away.
8. Speaking, then, of their beginnings who are determined to
follow after this good, and to succeed in their enterprise—what
I began to say [1] of mystical theology—I believe they call it
by that name—I shall proceed with hereafter—I have to say that
the labour is greatest at first; for it is they who toil, our
Lord, indeed, giving them strength. In the other degrees of
prayer, there is more of fruition; although they who are in the
beginning, the middle, and the end, have their crosses to carry:
the crosses, however, are different. They who would follow
Christ, if they do not wish to be lost, must walk in the way He
walked Himself. Blessed labours! even here, in this life, so
superabundantly rewarded!
9. I shall have to make use of a comparison; I should like to
avoid it, because I am a woman, and write simply what I have been
commanded. But this language of spirituality is so difficult of
utterance for those who are not learned, and such am I. I have
therefore to seek for some means to make the matter plain.
It may be that the comparison will very rarely be to the
purpose—your reverence will be amused when you see my stupidity.
I think, now, I have either read or heard of this comparison; but
as my memory is bad, I know not where, nor on what occasion;
however, I am satisfied with it for my present purpose. [2]
10. A beginner must look upon himself as making a garden, wherein
our Lord may take His delight, but in a soil unfruitful, and
abounding in weeds. His Majesty roots up the weeds, and has to
plant good herbs. Let us, then, take for granted that this is
already done when a soul is determined to give itself to prayer,
and has begun the practice of it. We have, then, as good
gardeners, by the help of God, to see that the plants grow, to
water them carefully, that they may not die, but produce
blossoms, which shall send forth much fragrance, refreshing to
our Lord, so that He may come often for His pleasure into this
garden, and delight Himself in the midst of these virtues.
11. Let us now see how this garden is to be watered, that we may
understand what we have to do: how much trouble it will cost us,
whether the gain be greater than the trouble, or how long a time
it will take us. It seems to me that the garden may be watered
in four ways: by water taken out of a well, which is very
laborious; or with water raised by means of an engine and
buckets, drawn by a windlass—I have drawn it this way
sometimes—it is a less troublesome way than the first, and gives
more water; or by a stream or brook, whereby the garden is
watered in a much better way—for the soil is more thoroughly
saturated, and there is no necessity to water it so often, and
the labour of the gardener is much less; or by showers of rain,
when our Lord Himself waters it, without labour on our part—and
this way is incomparably better than all the others of which I
have spoken.
12. Now, then, for the application of these four ways of
irrigation by which the garden is to be maintained; for without
water it must fail. The comparison is to my purpose, and it
seems to me that by the help of it I shall be able to explain, in
some measure, the four degrees of prayer to which our Lord, of
His goodness, has occasionally raised my soul. May He graciously
grant that I may so speak as to be of some service to one of
those who has commanded me to write, whom our Lord has raised in
four months to a greater height than I have reached in seventeen
years! He prepared himself better than I did, and therefore is
his garden without labour on his part, irrigated by these four
waters—though the last of them is only drop by drop; but it is
growing in such a way, that soon, by the help of our Lord, he
will be swallowed up therein, and it will be a pleasure to me, if
he finds my explanation absurd, that he should laugh at it.
13. Of those who are beginners in prayer, we may say, that they
are those who draw the water up out of the well—a process which,
as I have said, is very laborious; for they must be wearied in
keeping the senses recollected, and this is a great labour,
because the senses have been hitherto accustomed to distractions.
It is necessary for beginners to accustom themselves to disregard
what they hear or see, and to put it away from them during the
time of prayer; they must be alone, and in retirement think over
their past life. Though all must do this many times, beginners
as well as those more advanced; all, however, must not do so
equally, as I shall show hereafter. [3] Beginners at first suffer
much, because they are not convinced that they are penitent for
their sins; and yet they are, because they are so sincerely
resolved on serving God. They must strive to meditate on the
life of Christ, and the understanding is wearied thereby.
Thus far we can advance of ourselves—that is, by the grace of
God—for without that, as every one knows, we never can have one
good thought.
14. This is beginning to draw water up out of the well.
God grant there may be water in it! That, however, does not
depend on us; we are drawing it, and doing what we can towards
watering the flowers. So good is God, that when, for reasons
known to His Majesty—perhaps for our greater good—it is His
will the well should be dry, He Himself preserves the flowers
without water—we, like good gardeners, doing what lies in our
power—and makes our virtues grow. By water here I mean tears,
and if there be none, then tenderness and an inward feeling
of devotion.
15. What, then, will he do here who sees that, for many days, he
is conscious only of aridity, disgust, dislike, and so great an
unwillingness to go to the well for water, that he would give it
up altogether, if he did not remember that he has to please and
serve the Lord of the garden; if he did not trust that his
service was not in vain, and did not hope for some gain by a
labour so great as that of lowering the bucket into the well so
often, and drawing it up without water in it? It will happen
that he is often unable to move his arms for that purpose, or to
have one good thought: working with the understanding is drawing
water out of the well.
16. What, then, once more, will the gardener do now? He must
rejoice and take comfort, and consider it as the greatest favour
to labour in the garden of so great an Emperor; and as he knows
that he is pleasing Him in the matter—and his purpose must not
be to please himself, but Him—let him praise Him greatly for the
trust He has in him—for He sees that, without any recompense, he
is taking so much care of that which has been confided to him;
let him help Him to carry the Cross, and let him think how He
carried it all His life long; let him not seek his kingdom here,
nor ever intermit his prayer; and so let him resolve, if this
aridity should last even his whole life long, never to let Christ
fall down beneath the Cross. [4]
17. The time will come when he shall be paid once for all.
Let him have no fear that his labour is in vain: he serves a good
Master, Whose eyes are upon him. Let him make no account of evil
thoughts,
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