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long time. "This is the person I want you to meet."

I crouched in front of the grave.

"Hi Kiran. I brought along a special person today... Kiran was my next-door neighbor" I felt a lump slowly rise in my throat, as I explained. "When I first moved here, he was the first one to befriend me. Our fathers knew each other from work."

Sebastian listened quietly.

"I was quite the crybaby at that time" I smiled sadly recalling my old memories. "He would always come over to our place and cheer me up, though. I remember returning all muddy and with little cuts and bruises from kindergarten one day. Kiran had hurried over and wanted to know what had happened to me. While choking on my own tears I had explained that some boy had pushed me off the swing, calling me all kinds of names. On the next day he had accompanied me to the kindergarten and scolded that same boy. Kiran had forced him to apologize to me."

I felt a strong hand on my shoulder as tears ran down my face.

"Kiran would always come to my rescue, no matter when, where or why. He was someone I could always rely on. And that is exactly why he died."

The birds sang an unmelodious song in the background.

"He died because he came to rescue me. He died because I was such a crybaby, because I wasn't able to take care of myself. If it weren't for me, he would've still been alive" I bitterly exclaimed clasping my hands in front of my face as I couldn't stop my tears from flowing down.

Suddenly strong arms wrapped around me, holding me tightly.

"He died because of me, Sebastian. The first and best friend I had, died because of ME!"

The Benz held me, his eyes never leaving the gravestone.

"What exactly happened?" he finally asked with a monotone voice.

All the feelings I had locked away this entire time rushed back, while I thought back about that painful day eleven years ago.

"Tell me what happened" Sebastian faintly whispered.

It took me some time to sort out my thoughts and feelings. I had never spoken to anyone about this. While waiting for me to speak the young Benz gently caressed my hair. "You don't need to be afraid, Kaity. Whatever it is, I will stay right here by your side and listen."

I looked at his beautiful face incredulously, shaking my head: "Don't say that. I don't deserve those words, Sebastian."

His brows furrowed in disdain.

"Kiran died eleven years ago" I started feeling my tears run down my face all over again. "I had a petty fight with my mother and ran out of the house. I was furious because she wouldn't allow me to accompany a friend to some party."

I squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting to see those images of that dreadful day.

"I precipitately left the house in the evening and took off to the riverbank, cursing and crying angrily. Without even realizing, it had turned night. The entire town was painted pitch black, a sparse bulb offering a glimpse of light here and there."

My throat felt dry with every word I spoke, recalling all my old memories.

"I somehow made it to the main road when I suddenly heard Kiran's voice call my name from across the street. I felt so relieved to hear and faintly see him, I ran towards his voice not caring to check for cars or any of that sort."

I paused feeling my breath quicken.

"Only after reaching halfway across the broad road did I notice someone honking vigorously. I froze right in place seeing two bright flashlights from the side filling my vision. It all happened so fast."

I retraced the sides of the bridge of my nose with my thumb and index finger, while my eyes remained shut.

"It was too late for the driver to break. I wasn't able to react at all. The only thing I could think of at that time was that the truck would hit me. It would hit me hard and I would dye. I closed my eyes anticipating what would happen."

I caught the sight of Sebastian's eyes growing wide as he listened.

"I was hit and fell to the ground. I was hit, no doubt, but to my surprise it felt nothing like what I had imagined. There was no pain what so ever. I thought that maybe I had died so fast, that's why I didn't feel anything, but a slight push. Just then did realization dawn upon me and I snapped my eyes open. And there he was lying, his lower body under the truck. Only his head was looking out from under the heavy vehicle. Although it had been so dark the entire time, I could see clearly now. A dark red liquid was spreading out under Kiran's head."

"Kaity, you don't need to go on" he stroked my face.

"Kiran didn't dye there, Sebastian" I feebly choked out lifting my lead-like eyelids.

"He didn't?" he was obviously surprised.

"The truck driver called for an ambulance and Kiran was brought to the hospital. They operated right away. It took the doctors nearly six hours to finally get him out of the red. My parents had arrived at the hospital, as Kiran's father had died two years ago. Days upon days passed, but he didn't awaken. Months flew by, but not even once did Kiran return. The doctors gave up on him after half a year. His brain surgeon declared him brain-dead after eight months. He said, that the neurons in Kiran's brain were slowly dying and not able to regenerate or uphold any of the organ's functions."

The young Benz's eyes grew huge, as he understood: "Ian... the doctor had diagnosed the same for Ian."

"I wanted to repent for my sins, Sebastian. I wanted to be able to save someone at least once. I wasn't able to do anything for Kiran and I had sworn to myself I would atone for my uselessness in the past. I know that I will never be forgiven for causing his death, but I am ready to face whatever hardship may be thrown towards me. That is always going to be my priority, Sebastian."

I looked him directly in the eyes for the first time in a while.

"Can you still confidently say that you will remain by my side, Sebastian? After hearing this and understanding what kind of a person I actually am, are you still able to firmly assure me, that you can or even want to stay beside me?"

The Benz's glance didn't falter even once, instead grew darker.

"Are you done?" he finally asked, a dangerous undertone swinging by, making me swallow. "Even if you aren't, I don't care, 'cause whatever you might utter now is nothing but trash, anyways."

My eyes grew large at his words.

"I want you to listen to me now. You think you can simply tell me that you love me one day and suddenly spring me with such nonsense the other day? You think I'm going to accept your crappy assessment of this situation and about yourself, just because you told me to? You think that I'm that kind of person to simply change my mind? Well, sorry to disappoint you Kaitlynn, but you cannot and are not allowed to push me away from you. If you really wanted to get rid of me, you should've done so before making me fall deeply in love with you."

I had envisioned many outcomes, but nothing like this.

"I have said this before, but let me repeat it once more. I love you, damn it. You might be a great and brilliant scientist, but right now you are acting like a total moron!" Sebastian's voice had grown louder and angrier. "How can you even dare to claim, you killed Kiran? Are you an idiot? That guy saved you, goddamn! Do you think this is how he would've wanted you to spend your life after he gave HIS life to save you? Kaity, I can't believe you're making me say this, but he LOVED you!"

To say that I was surprised would be an utter understatement.

"Kiran knew what would happen when he pushed you out of the way" he continued while focusing his eyes on the gravestone. "But still he chose to save you. He was well aware that he could dye. Nevertheless he chose to save your life and enable YOU to live on. And is this how you want to thank him? By blaming yourself and by giving every source of happiness a wide berth, is that how you plan on making him happy?"

There was nothing left of the gentle, but stoic Sebastian. His beautiful blue eyes were filled with despise. "Tell me, Kaitlynn, did you really know and understand him that well?"

I was taken aback: "What... what do you mean by that."

The young Benz kneeled in front of me, gripping my chin roughly.

"You claim, he was your best friend, that you guys were family. But did you know that he loved you, that he wanted nothing but YOUR happiness?"

He let go and stood up, pacing around Kiran's grave. Kiran loved me?

"He was my best friend, so in that sense I loved him, too" I looked at the inscribed words.

"Tsk" he briskly spat back. "That guy was an idiot for loving and saving you."

I felt hot tears well up in my eyes, but tried suppressing them, before standing up confidently and stepping in Sebastian's path.

"Love, love, LOVE! What the hell are you blabbering about?" he had angered me. "You have been going on and on about Kiran loving me, but haven't even answered my question, yet."

My opposite looked at me firmly for a short moment.

"I don't get you" he sighed. "Why don't you just openly say that you... that... you..."

"That I what?" I was losing my cool and patience. "Why aren't YOU just openly telling me that you don't want to stay by my side anymore? That would be the only right thing!"

He raised a brow questioningly: "You want me to leave you? And why would that be the only right thing to do?"

Totally flabbergasted I couldn't believe what I just heard: "Are you fucking kidding me? Did you even listen to when I poured my heart out to you? Didn't I tell you that I KILLED someone? Didn't I just say that my first priority will always be to atone for my sins?"

Contrary to any expectations and common sense Sebastian closed the distance between us, roughly grabbing my hand and yanking me towards him. His soft lips forcefully pressed onto mine. There was no way for me to break free. He held my wrist so tight, it hurt, while his free hand held my head in place.

"Listen," he abruptly broke the kiss, "YOU did NOT kill Kiran. Kiran would've never saved you, if he didn't want you to live a happy life. A life without regrets, without atonement. You think that you are being selfish and ruthless, that you are only thinking about yourself and setting your priorities for your sake, but that's not what you are doing. You are the exact opposite. The Kaitlynn I have come to know and love is selfless and considerate, she thinks about everyone else first. She puts everyone before herself. This is the Kaitlynn Noakes who spent hours and hours, so many sleepless nights and took a load of shit from others to save Ian's life. The Kaitlynn I know cried when her patient awakened from his coma, never giving up on him, although all the others did. Do you call this egoistic?"

Sebastian's forehead leaned against mine. His eyes were closed.

"But, Sebastian" I whispered.

"No," he forcefully stopped me, "I'm not done. Karin told me what you did for her, Kaity. Why don't you allow me to repay you for all your kindness? Why won't you allow the people around you to be there for you and take care of you? Only now do I understand why your parents thanked me the other day. You are not the monster you describe

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