Miss Billy - Eleanor Hodgman Porter (read dune .txt) š
- Author: Eleanor Hodgman Porter
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Bertram concluded, indeed, after a time, that she was too companionable, too cheery. He wished she would hesitate, stammer, blush; be a little shy. He wished that she would display surprise, annoyance, evenāanything but that eternal air of comradeship. And then, one afternoon in the early twilight of a January day, he freed his mind, quite unexpectedly.
āBilly, I wish you WOULDNāT be soāso friendly!ā he exclaimed in a voice that was almost sharp.
Billy laughed at first, but the next moment a shamed distress drove the merriment quite out of her face.
āYou mean that I presume onāon our friendship?ā she stammered. āThat you fear that I will againāshadow your footsteps?ā It was the first time since the memorable night itself that Billy had ever in Bertramās presence referred to her young guardianship of his welfare. She realized now, suddenly, that she had just been giving the man before her some very āsisterly advice,ā and the thought sent a confused red to her cheeks.
Bertram turned quickly.
āBilly, that was the dearest and loveliest thing a girl ever didā only I was too great a chump to appreciate it!ā finished Bertram in a voice that was not quite steady.
āThank you,ā smiled the girl, with a slow shake of her head and a relieved look in her eyes; ābut Iām afraid I canāt quite agree to that.ā The next moment she had demanded mischievously: āWhy, then, pray, this unflattering objection to myāfriendliness now?ā
āBecause I donāt want you for a friend, or a sister, or anything else thatās related,ā stormed Bertram, with sudden vehemence. āI donāt want you for anything butāa wife! Billy, WONāT you marry me?ā
Again Billy laughedālaughed until she saw the pained anger leap to the gray eyes before her; then she became grave at once.
āBertram, forgive me. I didnāt think you couldāyou canāt beā serious!ā
āBut I am.ā
Billy shook her head.
āBut you donāt love meānot ME, Bertram. Itās only the turn of my head orāor the tilt of my chin that you loveāto paint,ā she protested, unconsciously echoing the words Calderwell had said to her weeks before. āIām only another āFace of a Girl.āā
āYouāre the only āFace of a girlā to me now, Billy,ā declared the man, with disarming tenderness.
āNo, no, not that,ā demurred Billy, in distress. āYou donāt mean it. You only think you do. It couldnāt be that. It canāt be!ā
āBut it is, dear. I think I have loved you ever since that night long ago when I saw your dear, startled face appealing to me from beyond Seaverās hateful smile. And, Billy, I never went once with Seaver againāanywhere. Did you know that?ā
āNo; butāIām gladāso glad!ā
āAnd Iām glad, too. So you see, I must have loved you then, though unconsciously, perhaps; and I love you now.ā
āNo, no, please donāt say that. It canāt beāit really canāt be. IāI donāt love youāthat way, Bertram.ā
The man paled a little.
āBillyāforgive me for asking, but itās so much to meāis it that there isāsome one else?ā His voice shook.
āNo, no, indeed! There is no one.ā
āItās notāCalderwell?ā
Billyās forehead grew pink. She laughed nervous1y.
āNo, no, never!ā
āBut there are others, so many others!ā
āNonsense, Bertram; thereās no oneāno one, I assure you!ā
āItās not William, of course, nor Cyril. Cyril hates women.ā
A deeper flush came to Billyās face. Her chin rose a little; and an odd defiance flashed from her eyes. But almost instantly it was gone, and a slow smile had come to her lips.
āYes, I know. Every oneāsays that Cyril hates women,ā she observed demurely.
āThen, Billy, I shaānāt give up!ā vowed Bertram, softly. āSometime you WILL love me!ā
āNo, no, I couldnāt. That is, Iām not going toāto marry,ā stammered Billy.
āNot going to marry!ā
āNo. Thereās my musicāyou know how I love that, and how much it is to me. I donāt think thereāll ever be a manāthat Iāll love better.ā
Bertram lifted his head. Very slowly he rose till his splendid six feet of clean-limbed strength and manly beauty towered away above the low chair in which Billy sat. His mouth showed new lines about the corners, and his eyes looked down very tenderly at the girl beside him; but his voice, when he spoke, had a light whimsicality that deceived even Billyās ears.
āAnd so itās musicāa cold, senseless thing of spidery marks on clean white paperāthat is my only rival,ā he cried. āThen Iāll warn you, Billy, Iāll warn you. Iām going to win!ā And with that he was gone.
Billy did not know whether to be more amazed or amused at Bertramās proposal of marriage. She was vexed; she was very sure of that. To marry Bertram? Absurd! ā¦ Then she reflected that, after all, it was only Bertram, so she calmed herself.
Still, it was annoying. She liked Bertram, she had always liked him. He was a nice boy, and a most congenial companion. He never bored her, as did some others; and he was always thoughtful of cushions and footstools and cups of tea when one was tired. He was, in fact, an ideal friend, just the sort she wanted; and it was such a pity that he must spoil it all now with this silly sentimentality! And of course he had spoiled it all. There was no going back now to their old friendliness. He would be morose or silly by turns, according to whether she frowned or smiled; or else he would take himself off in a tragic sort of way that was very disturbing. He had said, to be sure, that he would āwin.ā Win, indeed! As if she could marry Bertram! When she married, her choice would fall upon a man, not a boy; a big, grave, earnest man to whom the world meant something; a man who loved music, of course; a man who would single her out from all the world, and show to her, and to her only, the depth and tenderness of his love; a man whoābut she was not going to marry, anyway, remembered Billy, suddenly. And with that she began to cry. The whole thing was so ātiresome,ā she declared, and so āabsurd.ā
Billy rather dreaded her next meeting with Bertram. She fearedā she knew not what. But, as it turned out, she need not have feared anything, for he met her tranquilly, cheerfully, as usual; and he did nothing and said nothing that he might not have done and said before that twilight chat took place.
Billy was relieved. She concluded that, after all, Bertram was going to be sensible. She decided that she, too, would be sensible. She would accept him on this, his chosen plane, and she would think no more of his ānonsense.ā
Billy threw herself then even more enthusiastically into her beloved work. She told Marie that after all was said and done, there could not be any man that would tip the scales one inch with music on the other side. She was a little hurt, it is true, when Marie only laughed and answered:
āBut what if the man and the music both happen to be on the same side, my dear; what then?ā
Marieās voice was wistful, in spite of the laughāso wistful that it reminded Billy of their conversation a few weeks before.
āBut it is you, Marie, who want the stockings to darn and the puddings to make,ā she retorted playfully. āNot I! And, do you know? I believe I shall turn matchmaker yet, and find you a man; and the chiefest of his qualifications shall be that heās wretchedly hard on his hose, and that he adores puddings.ā
āNo, no, Miss Billy, donāt, please!ā begged the other, in quick terror. āForget all I said the other day; please do! Donāt tellā anybody!ā
She was so obviously distressed and frightened that Billy was puzzled.
āThere, there, ātwas only a jest, of course,ā she soothed her. āBut, really Marie, it is the dear, domestic little mouse like yourself that ought to be somebodyās wifeāand thatās the kind men are looking for, too.ā
Marie gave a slow shake of her head.
āNot the kind of man that is somebody, that does something,ā she objected; āand thatās the only kind I couldālove. HE wants a wife that is beautiful and clever, that can do things like himselfāLIKE HIMSELF!ā she iterated feverishly.
Billy opened wide her eyes.
āWhy, Marie, one would thinkāyou already knewāsuch a man,ā she cried.
The little music teacher changed her position, and turned her eyes away.
āI do, of course,ā she retorted in a merry voice, ālots of them. Donāt you? Come, weāve discussed my matrimonial prospects quite long enough,ā she went on lightly. āYou know we started with yours. Suppose we go back to those.ā
āBut I havenāt any,ā demurred Billy, as she turned with a smile to greet Aunt Hannah, who had just entered the room. āIām not going to marry; am I, Aunt Hannah?ā
āErāwhat? Marry? My grief and conscience, what a question, Billy! Of course youāre going to marryāwhen the time comes!ā exclaimed Aunt Hannah.
Billy laughed and shook her head vigorously. But even as she opened her lips to reply, Rosa appeared and announced that Mr. Calderwell was waiting downstairs. Billy was angry then, for after the maid was gone, the merriment in Aunt Hannahās laugh only matched that in Marieāsāand the intonation was unmistakable.
āWell, Iām not!ā declared Billy with pink cheeks and much indignation, as she left the room. And as if to convince herself, Marie, Aunt Hannah, and all the world that such was the case, she refused Calderwell so decidedly that night when he, for the half-dozenth time, laid his hand and heart at her feet, that even Calderwell himself was convincedāso far as his own case was concernedāand left town the next day.
Bertram told Aunt Hannah afterward that he understood Mr. Calderwell had gone to parts unknown. To himself Bertram shamelessly owned that the more āunknownā they were, the better he himself would be pleased.
It was on a very cold January afternoon, and Cyril was hurrying up the hill toward Billyās house, when he was startled to see a slender young woman sitting on a curbstone with her head against an electric-light post. He stopped abruptly.
āI beg your pardon, butāwhy, Miss Hawthorn! It is Miss Hawthorn; isnāt it?ā
Under his questioning eyes the girlās pale face became so painfully scarlet that in sheer pity the man turned his eyes away. He thought he had seen women blush before, but he decided now that he had not.
āIām sureāhavenāt I met you at Miss Neilsonās? Are you ill? Canāt I do something for you?ā he begged.
āYesānoāthat is, I AM Miss Hawthorn, and Iāve met you at Miss Neilsonās,ā stammered the girl, faintly. āBut there isnāt anything, thank you, that you can doāMr. Henshaw. I stopped toā rest.ā
The man frowned.
āBut, surelyāpardon me, Miss Hawthorn, but I canāt think it your usual custom to choose an icy curbstone for a resting place, with the thermometer down to zero. You must be ill. Let me take you to Miss Neilsonās.ā
āNo, no, thank you,ā cried the girl, struggling to her feet, the vivid red again flooding her face. āI have a lessonāto give.ā
āNonsense! Youāre not fit to give a lesson. Besides, they are all folderol, anyway, half of them. A dozen lessons, more or less, wonāt make any difference; theyāll play just as wellāand just as atrociously. Come, I insist upon taking you to Miss Neilsonās.ā
āNo, no, thank you! I really mustnāt. Iāā She could say no more. A strong, yet very gentle hand had taken firm hold of her arm in such a way
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