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mean to make you feel that way.”

He scooted over me and hugs me so tight burying his face on my neck. A sudden heat runs through my body as his warm breath touches my skin. We hadn't had sex last night since he was acting strange about my whole story. I did want him though, last night and even right now but I didn't push it. I just let him sleep beside me as I find my own slumber.

Around three o'clock when we woke up, I wanted to make something special for dinner but the stocks weren't enough and since Martha isn't here, I asked Carter to drive me to the grocery so we can shop for supplies. At first he was being grumpy, insisting that we just dine out for dinner tonight and just let Martha take care of the house supply but when I pushed for the idea and gave him a couple of puppy faces he finally agreed.

We used his BentleyMulsanne to go to the nearest supermarket. Aside from lacking grocery supplies, another reason why I asked him to drive me to shop is because I want his mind to shift to different things. I want him to forget my past even for a while. Not even more than ten minutes when we reached the Whole Foods Market. After getting a parking space we got off his Bentley and we hand in hand made our way inside the supermarket.

It's my first time there, so I wonder where I can find the vegetable section. The place is just too big to see everything from the entrance.

“I wonder where the veggies are,” I said

“I've never been here, so don't ask me.” he said smiling and shaking his head.

I rolled my eyes at him.

“I am not asking you, I am talking to myself.” I joked.

He put his arm around my shoulder and kissed my hair.

“Then it's really a good idea that you are meeting Dr. Sullivan”

I elbow him on the chest as we continue to check the stalls.

After I got everything I need for the roasted chicken and vegetable salad I am making we went back to the house. Carter is still acting grumpy and bored but I know he did enjoy our supermarket escapade.

I finished cooking just right before seven and we ate dinner while he tells me about his plan for another hotel expansion in Paris. Hopefully, by the next three years he can finish the construction.

We went to bed early cause he was exhausted from driving all day. He needs to be in the office early in the morning while my class doesn't start until after lunch I have an appointment with Dr. Sullivan at nine.

I took a deep breath as I stood in front of a mahogany door at the eleventh floor of a huge Medical building. Dr. Ashley M. Sullivan M.D. is perfectly carved on the door.

This is it. I took another deep breath. I don't know what is waiting for me here. I am not even sure why I am here. All I know is that I am here because Carter wants me to.

I fixed myself by slightly pulling my floral dress and ran my fingers through my hair before knocking on the door. After three knocks a girl with a long black hair and big brown eyes greeted me.

“Hi, how can I help you?” she asked.

She was peaking on the door as she talks to me.

“I have an appointment with Dr. Sullivan,” I said not sure if I have everything right.

She nodded and opened the door completely.

“Come in, I'll check for your records.” she said as I walked inside the room.

Hazel was on her name tag. She is Dr. Sullivan's medical secretary. She went inside a cubicle with a long mahogany desk and a flat screen computer on it. The walls are painted pastel and there are a couple of waiting chairs on each side of the room. On the right side there is a stair going to the second floor.

“Can I have your name?” she asked while her eyes are on the computer screen.

“Jillian Winters,” I answered.

I am feeling nervous about being here and I don't even know why. She clicked something on the mouse and then she turned to me and smiled.

“Alright, it is your first time here?”

I gave her a slight nod.

“Dr. Sullivan is expecting you. Please come this way.” she said.

I let her walked first before I tailed from her behind. She took the short stairs and knocked on the first wooden door we found on the left side of the hallway. She was the one who opened the door and peaked herself in.

“Dr. Sullivan, your patient is here.” I heard her say.

I saw nods a couple of times and gave her smile to the person inside the room.

“Come on in, she's ready for you.”

I nodded, she made her way to the stairs again going back to her desk downstairs. I sighed and went inside the room.

A middle-aged tall, skinny woman with shoulder length brown hair greeted me with a warm smile as I walked inside the room. She is wearing her purple ruffled blouse and black linen pants inside her white coat.

The room is huge, there is a glass office desk on the right side of the room, while not too far from it was a living room with big couches and coffee table. There is also a tall-wide book shelf on the left side. The windows are all glass that you can easily see what's outside.

“Jillian, right?” she asked as she was holding a file, I think my file.

I gave her a slight nod.

“Hi, I am Dr. Ashley Sullivan, Carter is a friend of mine.” she introduced herself.

I shook his hand.

“Come this way,”

She guided me to the couch, she sat on the single couch and I sat on the double couches opposite hers. I looked around trying to stop myself from fidgeting.

“Carter told me you're going through a tough time,” she started

I took a deep breath, I've been trying to move on and forget my past on my own and so far I am doing great at it. I really do not get why I should talk to a shrink about it. I looked down when I felt her eyes on me.

“Jillian, everything we will talk about here will stay in these corners of this room.” she assured me.

I swallowed the lump in my throat the kept me from letting out what I want to say.

“You can talk to me Jillian,” she smiled.

I bit my lower lip trying to figure out how I should start.

“For weeks. . . I-I've been getting n-nightmares” I stutter.

She nodded but didn't say anything. It seems like she is waiting for me to say more.

“It's about my. . . s-step stepfather,”

I felt like there's a clogged in my lungs and it kept me from breathing properly. My eyes are wet and I am trying so hard to blink the tears away. I thought I was ready for this. I thought I was strong enough to talk about him but clearly, I wasn't.

“What about him?” she asked calmly.

I took another deep breath.

“I was . . . h-he. . .  I was r-raped.”

Right there and then I broke down in front of Dr. Sullivan.

Chapter Ten

Every Monday around nine in the morning I have an appointment with Dr. Sullivan. Each and every session, we talked about the life I had in Missouri, my childhood, my parents, my school and of course Dan. After my each visit I get a little lighter and I feel a little better. I started to trust her too and she kept on telling me that the only way for me to finally move on from my past is to face the truth. Meaning I need to go back home and find out what really happen after I left. Carter knew about it and he was very supportive and protective of me. He even offered to come with me when I finally decided to go home. I know they're all right but as of now I still do not have the courage to finally know what is waiting for me in St. Louis. I don't know when will I be ready but one thing is for sure, it is not today or tomorrow.

After our trip in Palm Springs, things got a little busier for Carter and me. Two weeks ago they started the construction of the hotel expansion they were planning in Paris. So to avoid the delay like what happened in Colorado, Carter was hands on with every detail of the project. That means he spent most of the days in Paris. As for me, I became very busy with school. Summer is coming so I have papers due on almost all my classes and it really taking all the time I have.

It's Saturday and Carter is in Paris again, he left early this week and won't be back until this coming Friday or Saturday. We have to attend his best friend’s wedding on Saturday in Santa Monica so he needed to be home before the event. I have another date with Phoebe on Thursday after my class to look for the perfect dress to wear on that said event.

My stomach grumbled when I glanced at the digital watch on the night stand. It's almost one in the afternoon and I realized that I haven't eaten anything yet. From the time I woke up earlier this morning I have been working on the paper I have due on Monday and I forgot to put anything in my stomach. Martha won't be here until three and with the hunger I am feeling I know I cannot wait for her any longer.

I sashay downstairs and went straight to the kitchen, I opened the fridge and all I found was the frozen microwaveable meals Carter used to have and the frozen steak from last night's dinner. When Carter left for Paris, Martha offered to stay here with me so I don't have to be alone but I refused since I will be busy with my school work and I won't have the time to chit chat. Besides, I know how to cook I just cannot find the time to do it now since I am all load up with school.

I took one mac and cheese from the fridge and put it on the microwave. I am not in the mood for frozen steak now since I still have a ton of work to do. I am exhausted with school but I am still happy cause for the first time in a long time I feel like I am normal, a normal student with homework and Carter's absence is making it perfect. It's not that I am happy he isn't here cause I miss him so freaking much but an almost nineteen-year-old college freshmen living with a business tycoon isn't really normal but I am glad to have him.

The microwave beeped meaning my food is ready so I took the plastic container from the machine and opened the fridge to get some cranberry juice and poured it to the glass I took out from the cupboard. I need to finish this paper today so I can start my other

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