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away.

 

Kat

 

I am standing at the edge of the bridge. Cool rain wets my hair and it sticks to my face in ribbons. Wind billows my shirt out behind me as I lean over the edge. Pieces of the broken guardrail lay around me, scattered on the road like forgotten toys. A stench of ozone and burned rubber pervades the air. Over the ledge I see the flames of the burning wreckage below. I hear my name being called out.

 

“Kat sweetie, please.” My mother’s voice “Please sweetie, look for your…”

 

She is below the bridge, somehow hovering above the wreckage, floating down in slow motion. She holds her hand out to me. Her hair floats around her head and her scrubs billow around her thin frame. Tears stream down my face as I reach out, salt mixing with the rain. I can’t reach her. I can’t save her. No one can.

 

Time snaps back into place and she falls into a heap on top of the rising flames, her head lying to one side, her eyes closed as if she is only asleep. The smoke and ash circle around her creating an image of wings.

 

“Mom! Mom! Please.“I say reaching out to her. I sway in the wind; feeling like it might pick me up and carry me off.

 

“Please don’t die.” I whisper in the darkness as I wake from the dream.

 

*************

 

The second day of school goes by quickly. Each teacher is eager to assign as much homework as imaginable, to make my life as difficult as possible I think. I let the wave of moving bodies carry me to the school exit. My backpack is heavy with books and assignments. I decide to skip the café and go straight home to start working on my homework.

 

While working on a particularly difficult assignment my phone buzzes with an incoming message notification. ‘Where are you?’ The message reads. It is from Lilli.

 

I check the clock, unable to believe so much time has passed since I arrived home. It is already 7:30pm. I had told Lilli at lunch today I would make it to her party tonight. Since it is Friday night and there is no school tomorrow curfew is extended to midnight for all students, instead of the normal 10pm. Even though I don’t plan on staying that late I grab a sweater.

 

Checking my appearance in the mirror before I leave I see a stranger staring back at me. My face is too gaunt, with the lack of an appetite I have lost more weight than my body can take. Dark circles under my eyes and pale skin tell a story of a lonely hermit that hasn’t left the house all summer. Sighing heavily, I don’t bother to take my hair out of the messy bun and walk out the door.

 

“Arriving fashionably late?” Lilli asks as she opens the door a smile plastered to her face, the epitome of good cheer.

 

“Yeah well… I sort of forgot about the party, sorry.” I say as I enter her house. Her house is more like a mansion, the place is huge. I follow her through the kitchen, past a center bar filled with food and drinks. Lilli looks fantastic. She is wearing a red dress that accentuates her small figure.

 

“The party is out back by the pool.” Lilli says as she goes through a sliding door. “Grab a drink and come out.”

 

I browse through the available drink options and decide to pour myself some lemonade. Walking outside with the cup in my hand I am greeted with the sounds of laughing teenagers and splashes as some have decided to get in the pool. Grinning I make my way to the gazebo where Lilli is sitting, surrounded by adoring boys. “I knew you couldn’t resist me.” Adeep voice says behind me.

 

The smile drops from my face. I turn to see DJ. My heart leaps in my chest at the sight of him. “Oh, it’s you.” I say, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible, as if I hadn’t been thinking about him all day.

 

“The one and only at your service milady.” He says bowing before like I am royalty. I can’t help myself, I smile at him. I know he is bad news, but that grin of his is infectious.

 

“DEEEEJAAAY! Stop bothering Kat, she isn’t here to see you!” Lilli shouts from the gazebo. Her hands placed firmly on her hips exhibiting immense authority for such a dainty figure.

 

DJ looks at me and rolls his eyes in her direction. “Go on up there. Lilli doesn’t like to be kept waiting.” DJ says gesturing in the direction of the gazebo behind me. “You better not leave without saying goodbye.” He says walking away with a wave.

 

I smile down at my feet. Why does this hunk of guy have an interest in me I think? I walk up the steps to the gazebo. Lilli is surrounded by boys from the football team, all talking loudly over one another to get her attention. She is definitely the belle of the ball.

 

Lilli introduces me to everyone. I instantly forget all of their names the moment I hear them. The party seems to go on in a casual manner for some time. Everyone laughing and joking around, the small town connection each one has to another makes me feel like an outsider.

 

No one notices when I walk away from the group to the dark edge of the pool. I sit down to take my shoes off. The cool water feels nice on my feet and I swing my legs back and forth, the night air cooling the sweat on my brow. My mind drifts and I let myself relax in the upbeat atmosphere.

 

A group across the pool from me is circled around watching a video on a phone. They speak in hushed tones glancing in my direction often. Wondering what they are preoccupied with I stand up, carrying my shoes I walk around to the other side of the pool.

 

As I approach the group, the girl in the center holding the phone quickly puts it away in her pocket. “Hey.” I say to them cheerily.

 

“Oh hi.” The girl that was holding the phone says, glancing at the faces around her, not looking in my direction.

 

An awkward silence envelopes the group as I shuffle my bare feet against the grainy concrete surrounding the pool. “So what were you watching?” I ask, my curiosity getting the best of me.

 

“Nothing.” the girl replies,her thin lips twitch a fake smile at me before she quickly looks away.

 

The boy standing to her left throw his hands up dramatically, “Well Hell, if no one else is going to say anything than I will, is this you?” He takes the phone from the girl and shows me the screen.

 

Displayed on the screen is a paused video. It is me. The video was taken last year during an interview with a local news station. My dad and I were discussing the accident that took my mom’s life. I look different in the video, my hair is a little shorter and my face a little rounder, but the hollow eyes reflecting back are the same.

 

“Ummm…” I start to say as I back away.

 

I thought moving here would be a fresh start. I thought I could get away from the sad expressions, the pity showing on their faces proved me wrong. I turned to walk away but before I could the girl presses play on the video and I hear my voice. “I… I… miss my mom, if anyone with information leading to the person responsible for her… her… disappearance comes forward…”

 

At that point the video goes back to the news reporter relaying again the tragic events of that day as the former me from four months softly cries in the background.

 

Stunned speechless I stare at the ground. “I’m sorry for your loss.” The thin lipped girl says.

 

There it is. The apologies, the condolences, the unrequited shame I feel as others around me express feigned sympathy.

 

I just want to be normal. I just want people to look at me and see a normal girl, not a girl that has lost a parent. Not as a girl that now goes to weekly counseling sessions to help deal with the grief. Not a girl that throws her medication away because it numbs the pain of loss. I want to feel the pain, because feeling it is better than forgetting. I just want to get through this terrible moment and leave.

 

“Thank you.” I mumble as I walk away.

 

Without saying goodbye to Lilli I put my shoes on and go back through the house to leave. Passing through the kitchen I can’t stop the tears.They silently streak down my cheeks. Staring at the floor as I walk, I run right into someone.

 

“Sorry, sorry.” I say backing away from the collision without looking up, not wanting anyone to see my tear stained face.

 

The person I ran into steadies me by grabbing my arm softly at the elbow. An electric shock passes up my arm making the fine hairs stand on end all the way up to my neck.

 

“Are you okay?” the voice asks.

 

I finally look up directly into the dark chocolate eyes of DJ. “Uhhh yeah.” I say wiping away the tears. “I’m fine thanks.”

 

“You don’t look fine, what happened?” he says with genuine concern in his voice. He still hasn’t let go of my arm, his fingers cradling my elbow and his thumb making lazy circles on the inside of my arm. Tingles shoot up my arm with each revolution his thumb produces, causing me to tremble.

 

“I…” I begin to say, unable to focus with his hand on my arm.

 

“Come on.” He says. Removing his hand from my arm leaving only coldness behind where his warmth was moments ago. “Let’s go somewhere quiet.” Walking ahead of me now, I follow him. For another mere second of his warmth on me I would follow him to the end of the Earth I think, making myself blush in embarrassment.

 

We walk outside to a black sedan sitting at the curb. With a key fob he unlocks the car doors with a chirp. He stands next to the open passenger side door beckoning me to get in the car. I hesitate, not knowing if I should trust him. Without the cocky attitude of yesterday DJ seems like a different person. Like he is concerned for my feelings, or maybe he thinks this is an easy way to get with me. That decides it. I cross my arms in defiance.

 

“I’m not getting in the car with you.” I state, “I don’t even know you. You could be a killer, or rapist, or…”

 

He interrupts me with a chuckle. Running his fingers through his hair he smiles at me. “Kat, I’m not a killer or rapist or anything. What has Lilli been telling you about me?” He says with a sigh.

 

“What? She hasn’t said anything. Why?” I stammer “What should she be saying?”

 

He chuckles again softly “What any ex-girlfriend would say.” He raises his deep voice to a squeaky falsetto imitating Lilli. “He is a jerk. He will break your heart and tear it into pieces.” He squeals grabbing his chest like he is having a heart attack

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