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to Miller? Is it enough when you just want to use me?”
All these questions and no answers.
“Bullshit,” I told him. “I love you, and you love me. You proposed to me for Christ sake. Why can’t you just trust me?”
He was going to say something but I cut him off.
“No, I can’t break it off with Jack. Not right now at least. I will do it in eventually but you have to understand that I just can’t hurt him like Lydia hurt you.” I could tell that hurt but I went on. “I hate hurting peoples feeling. And if I’m hurting you, I’m sorry but you are a man. You have broken women’s hearts and that was oaky with you, but that’s not okay with me. I will break up with Jack-”
“When, Layla? When? You move in two months. Football season is over in the middle of December. How long do I have to wait for you to realize that you are not going to break up with him until you move. And don’t even get me started on that. Have you even talked to your father about that? I know Rebecca has. She’s been trying her best to get him to stay here but you? I wouldn’t know because whenever I ask you about it you say you’re going to handle it or you just completely shut down. You are moving, Layla. And despite what you keep telling me, I can’t help but feel you want to.”
“How could you think that?” I asked holding onto my stomach. “You’re the only reason I want to stay.”
I used the couch to steady myself. The nausea was definitely taking control over my body. I wasn’t sure how much I had had to drink but I know I lost count at five refills.
Devin’s eyes held a bit of worry but his face was still angry. “You really aren’t showing that you want to stay. Are you alright?”
“Do you care?” I countered. When I saw the pain in his eyes I sighed. “I’m fine. I’ve just…I’m fine.”
I tried to straighten but it caused too much pain. When I cried out, he acted quickly. He stood behind me in two quick strides, hands holding onto my arms to keep me steady.
“Do you need to go to the hospital?” He asked frantic.
“No, no hospitals. I’m drunk, my father cannot find out about this.” I looked up into his eyes. “Please. He cannot find out I did this.”
Again he looked torn.
“Look, I’m fine. I’m just a bit…drunk as hell. I just need to sleep off the pain.”
Before I could move away from him, he sighed, scooped me into his arms and carried me upstairs. When we got to my room he sat me on the edge of my bed then left the room. My phone rang while he was gone and I recognized the number as being Marina.
“You okay?” She asked as soon as I answered.
“Yeah, just a bit nauseous.”
She laughed. “Me too. Sorry we got busted. I shouldn’t have thrown the party. I’ll come over tomorrow and help clean up.”
“Good ‘cause there’s crap all over my floor.”
When Devin came in he didn’t look too pleased that I was talking and not laying down, resting. He took my phone and smiled at something she was saying.
“Yes, Mr. hunkalisious is still here. Layla needs to sleep off the liquor and I think you need to do the same.”
I wasn’t sure what she said but he nodded and said, “Well, that’s good to know. I will tell her you said you’re sorry. Goodnight.”
He looked at me and tossed a warm cloth my way. “She told me the party was her idea. That you didn’t even know until it was too late. She said you weren’t responsible for the beer or hard liquor and that you don’t even normally like doing this sort of thing. She’s a good friend but you still acted very immature tonight. I mean, illegal drinking, Layla? What if someone had gotten hurt.”
I smiled. “You’re the one who sent them home drunk. I was just going to let them stay the night then some of them could have helped clean up.”
“Now who’s living in a fantasy world? You really think they would have helped you clean up. Layla, I recognized half of those people and let me tell you, most of them are failing my class. They fall asleep, they don’t turn in assignments, and they certainly wouldn’t have helped you clean up your parents home.”
I looked down at the cloth in my hands and didn’t say anything.
“Clean the makeup off your face so you can get some sleep. It’s after one in the morning.”
I did as he said and after he helped me out of my costume and into some sleepwear I sighed.
“I didn’t mean…”
“I know, Layla.”
“It’s just you-”
He nodded. “I know. We’ll talk about it in the morning.”
When he began to leave I called him back. “Stay with me? My stomach still hurts a bit.”
He nodded once more and, after kicking off his shoes, climbed in bed with me. He wrapped his arm around me as I slid my body next to his and tried to relax my muscles.
After a moment of us laying there in silence, I sighed. “I’m sorry.”
“I know, love. Just remember that tomorrow when you’re sober.”
I laughed a bit at that as he turned on the television.


Chapter Thirty-Nine
Words could not express how much pain I was in. My head was throbbing erratically and I didn’t think it would ever stop. Hangovers were so not my thing and I began to regret-no-I did regret ever drinking last night. I climbed out of bed and groggily made my way downstairs. I knew if I wanted to get the house clean I needed to do it now before I decided I didn’t care again.
Devin was already in the kitchen making breakfast and for a second I flashed back to last weekend. Then the last couple of days came back.
“My head hurts,” I said.
He smiled. “I bet it does.”
He slammed one of the cabinet doors.
“Geez, do you have to be so loud?”
He shrugged. “Makes me feel better. Your friend should be here soon to help you clean. She called about fifteen minutes ago while you were sleeping.”
“Did she want anything?”
His smile widened. “Just to know why I’d slept over. I made up an excuse. You know she called me Mr. hunkalsious last night? Is that what you call me?”
Shaking my head I said, “No, I hardly ever talk about you. I don’t want my face to give away to what I’m really feeling.”
“Well, that does tend to happen. I was certain Jack wanted to hit me last night. You know, when you fell? He had this look on his face like-”
“What the fuck, get away from my woman?” I asked using my best guy voice. It sounded awful.
“Yes!” He laughed. “Exactly.”
I looked at my bare feet on the cool tile floor. “You know, you get that look, too.”
“I do not.” He mumbled.
“Yeah,” I chuckled. “You do.”
“Well…you snore. Loudly.”
I gasped. “I do not snore!”
He turned to look at me skeptically. “Like a damn fog horn, love. But I love it, because…I love you.”
Again I looked at my feet.
“You have to break up with him sometime, Layla. You can’t just keep stringing the both of us along. You have to choose.”
“I have chosen.” I told him. “I have. It’s you, it’s been you since, well not since I first met you because that would be borderline creepy.” I tried to hold back my smile, resulting in a half smile. “But I did choose you, I fell in love with you, which is why I don’t understand why you don’t trust me with Jack. A stolen kiss is just that. Stolen. Unwanted and undesired. I don’t sleep with him, I haven’t been spending time with him and when I do it’s so…it’s so he feels better. I hate hurting him, Devin. I really do.”
“Then just end it already. He’s a big boy. He can handle it.”
The doorbell ringing ceased our conversation. As I went to go get it, I heard him pulling out dishes for us to eat on and figured he’d made enough for the three of us.
“Hey,” Marina said a bit too excitedly. “You ready to clean?”
“Why are you so damn chipper?”
She thrust a thermos into my hands then pushed past me. “It’s my own concoction but don’t ask me what’s in it because you won’t want to drink it. And don’t sniff it. Really, don’t.”
“Hey Mr. Simmons’s, what’s for breakfast?”
I followed her back to the kitchen and noticed the half smile on Devin’s face as he stared at Marina who automatically took a seat at the kitchen table.
“Is she on drugs?” He asked placing a plate in front of her.
“Nope,” she mumbled around a bite of toast. “Never touched the stuff.”
He looked at me. “And I’m supposed to believe this from the girl who thought Jesus was a vampire hippie who knew Bigfoot.”
She nearly choked. “Hey, I put that in an essay. You can’t tell anyone that. What about the teacher student code of conduct thingy.”
We both looked at her confusingly.
“You know, Jack said the same thing.” I told her. “You two do know that that’s only for like lawyers and therapist, right?”
“It is?” She asked as I took a seat in front of my plate. “Damn, I guess that note I sent to Mr. Lewis telling him I wanted to jump his bones is going to be a problem, now won’t it.”
Both Devin and I choked on our food causing Marina to laugh.
“Chill, it was a joke.” She shrugged. “Tough crowd.”
Devin gave me a serious look, which I tried my best to ignore.
After an awkward breakfast-well, awkward between me and Devin, Marina didn’t seem to notice with all the talking she was doing-we all got to work.
I thanked Devin numerous times for helping clean when he hadn’t been the one to make the mess in the first place. When he left to pick up the trash from outside I punched Marina in the arm.
“How many times can I say I’m sorry?” She asked throwing her head back and groaning.
The house was a mess and it didn’t seem like we were getting anywhere. There were spilt drinks and those stupid red silicon cups everywhere, popcorn colonels and cheddar puffs on the floor, a weird brown stain on the wall-that I prayed to God wasn’t what I thought it was and someone had even peed in my downstairs bathtub. Had they never heard of a toilet? I mean, it was the smaller porcelain bowl sitting right next to it.
Marina looked at me. “Sorry?”
“Yeah, you sure are. You start picking up the cups and I’ll start scrubbing the carpet.”
She grabbed my arms, shook me playfully, then yelled in my face, “Stellaaa! Please forgive me!”
I couldn’t help but laugh, she just had that affect on me.
She cocked her head to the side and smirked. “You can’t stay mad at me.”
Sticking my nose in the air I said, “Get to work and we shall see what we see, when we see it.”
She huffed as she turned around and went to the kitchen to get some black trash bags.
When she came back I’d brought a bucket of soapy water and a carpet scrubber and had gotten to work.
It didn’t take us long to get

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