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be.

 

 

I lifted my head up again and faced the doctor with sweat dripping down from my forehead. I stared completely through his glasses and into his eyes.

 

''Push Elle.'' he says calmly.

 

 

''Come on, just like before!'' Marybella said behind him.

 

I looked over to Jacob and everyone else cheering me on.

 

 

All I had to do was push, and then I would get my baby.

 

I held onto Jacob's arm and clutched really hard as I began the biggest push I could manage.

 

 

Over and over again, several times as I ran out of breath.

 

It was exhausting, taking forever.

 

 

And at the last moment when I thought of giving up, my mind went blank.

 

Everyone in the room disappeared. I finally stopped crying as pain went away again.

 

Everything was white, a canvas with nothing on it.

 

 

 

I thought I had blacked out because the baby was here, but then I realized that I was somewhere else.

 

I took my arms and wrapped them around my stomach, before I even looked ahead I saw my feet.

 

 

I was standing, in a white abyss of nothing. My hosptial gown was still clinged to me when I noticed.

 

I looked around. As the only source of light was above.

 

I heard voices, muffled, yelling. Surrounding my ears.

 

 

 

I turned around continuously as I began to feel anxious, I didn't know where I was.

 

I was scared.

 

 

''Elle.'' says a voice.

 

 

I slowly turn around to my dismay, someone I hadn't recognized or talked to.

 

It was unbelievable,...he was standing there.

 

 

My lips trembled for a bit as I covered my mouth. There was no feeling or pain.

 

Just pure happiness as I covered my mouth.

 

 

''Dad.'' I manage to say.

 

He smiles just from a distance, I looked around at the white blank abyss.

 

In all this blank space, I could see him with color and presence.

 

 

Like he was here all along. Waiting for me to see him.

 

 

''Elle, you gotta push.'' he says.

 

 

I couldn't speak another word, I was still kind of shocked that I was witnessing him.

 

In that same dark green sweater I had bought him years ago, he died in it.

 

 

And he's here, in front of me. Wearing it and the wound from the knife was visible.

 

He was physically here.

 

 

 

He approaches closer, I back up a little.

 

I couldn't believe my eyes. Was this a dream or a trick, I didn't know.

 

 

''Push Elle.'' he says again.

 

His voice fills my ears as I close my eyes. I was nice to be able to see and hear him again.

 

My eyes open again as tears began to fall down.

 

 

''I'm so sorry, I never got to say goodbye.'' I finally said.

 

Honestly, if this was my last moment being able to see my dad, I needed to get those words out.

 

He needed to know.

 

 

 

''It's okay.'' he says softly.

 

He's just ahead of me, but in just seconds he's right in front of me.

 

His eyes peer into mine as I saw the doughy figure of his face.

 

 

''I miss you.'' I managed to say.

 

''Push.'' he says.

 

 

My mind was caught up in his presence, that I didn't even notice how long we've been standing.

 

He kept saying push, but I didn't get it.

 

 

I looked around aware of my surroundings, it finally hit me.

 

I might have been dead for a second, or I was experiencing a hallucination.

 

 

''Dad, where am I?'' I asked him, concerned.

 

I looked around at the blank white space surrounding, I was beginning to see everything now.

 

I backed up from him as his face dropped from a happy expression.

 

 

''Push Elle.''

 

''What?'' I asked again.

 

 

My voice was cracking as I heard my last words. I was now worrying what I got myself into.

 

Am I dead? Or am I hallucinating?

 

''Push.'' he says again.

 

 

I looked over to where he stood as he descends back to where he stood earlier. My eyes shift around as I begin to notice myself withering away.

 

''Push Elle.'' he says, again.

 

 

He voice vibrates as my eyes widened in shock, he was disappearing.

 

 

''Don't go.'' I said barely audible.

 

''Goodbye.'' he finally says.

 

 

He was officially gone this time, and I was descending down somewhere.

 

I didn't know where or when it started.

 

But I was going away, and he was too.

 

 

''Dad!'' I called out for him.

 

 

The voices from earlier weren't silent anymore, they were clear and I recognized them.

 

It was everyone in the room where I was giving birth, I could hear them.

 

 

''Bye.'' I finally said.

 

I waved my hand up to the last spot where he was turning transparent. It was the last time I would see him and probably my last goodbye.

 

  

Then my eyes shot open, as I looked around. Everyone was silent.

 

I saw everyone look in awe.

 

''Push Elle.'' Jacob said, near me.

 

 

I turned to him a little too quickly. I had heard his voice, but not clearly.

 

My thoughts are back as I tried to focus on what's happening.

 

 

I was back in the same place, giving birth and everyone was waiting.

 

Dad's last words ring in my ears as I tried to remember what he said.

 

 

And after that, I started pushing again.

 

With force, and with everything I could get in those last words.

 

 

I didn't care if it was a dream, a hallucination or even just me dying for a second.

 

I was back and with little more ambitious than before for this birth.

 

 

There was something about the previous moment when I blacked out.

 

That blank space, and those words.

 

It was all down to me.

 

 

I had to do it and it was for my last goodbye to Dad.

 

It was my time to finally realize what everything was again.

 

 

''Come on, one more push. She's almost here.'' the doctor said.

 

I held onto to Jacob's arms as I watched everyone wait in anticipation.

 

 

''This one's for you dad.'' I say.

 

I took a one last push and with all the strength I had.

 

And everything had come down.

 

--

  

My smiles perks up as my finger play around with her's. She was silent but also very loud.

 

Dressed in pink with silent cries.

 

 

She was perfect.

 

The door to the bedroom opens as I see Jacob enter in.

 

He leans on the door with a slight smile as I turn back to her.

 

 

''How's the crybaby?'' he asks.

 

''She's fine, sleeping...thank god.'' I replied.

 

 

I lifted my body up as I sat up on the bed. The black sweater I had on clung to my arms as I began to stretch.

 

Strands of hair fall down onto my forehead as my messy bun piled over my head.

 

 

''Tired?'' he asks.

 

''Ever since she got home.'' I replied, pointing my head to her sleeping.

 

''You've been up here all afternoon, go down and relax. I'll watch after Galleria.'' Jacob says.

 

 

''Really? You don't mind me taking an hour long break?'' I replied, getting up.

 

I finished one last strech before setting my feet down.

 

The grey fabric of my pants flowed down to the floor.

 

 

''Take all the time you need.'' he says, walking over to me.

 

When he passes, his hands grip my waist as he plants a kiss to my cheek.

 

 

I smile for a second as I shuffled out of the room and Jacob took my spot on the bed.

 

 

Each foot steps over each other as I went fast downstairs. I could hear the distant talking of Jake and Kylie on the couch.

 

And also the silent barks of Bongo. But he was too busy to notice that I came down.

 

''Mom's awake.'' I said aloud to them.

 

 

They stand up on the couch to get a good look at me, smiles on their faces as I pass by the living room.

 

''Is she asleep?'' Kylie asks towards me.

 

 

I stop halfway, nearing the kitchen to the left where she sat on the couch.

 

''Yes.'' I replied.

 

''Did you get enough sleep?'' Jake asks.

 

 

I smiled as I finally approached the both of them. They silently slow their way down to sitting comfortably on the couch again once i'm leaning against the back of it.

 

 

''Are you two behaving?'' I asked them, in a tone.

 

They nod their heads as I smile.

 

They were good kids and I knew it would be hard for them to get used to having another kid in the house.

 

 

But I think it would be a good thing. And it could give them practice on getting used to Galleria.

 

 

''Are we gonna get another sister?'' Kylie asks, looking up at me.

  

''No,...'' I replied silently.

 

 

I leaned down to where she sits quiet and I plant a kiss on her forehead.

 

Her soft skin flys over the graze of my fingers on her cheek.

 

It was just beautiful how they resembled so much of me, and how amazing they were.

 

 

''No more kids, you guys and Galleria-'' I said pointing upstairs.

 

''Are just enough, so no more siblings.'' I replied.

 

 

Kylie and Jake exchange smiles then look back up to me again.

 

I took in a deep breath as I head for the kitchen.

 

 

Bongo gets up and trails behind me. He loved following me to the kitchen.

 

It was where he could watch me eat breakfast, which was his favorite part of the day. Hoping to get a bit of bacon soon.

 

Not happening anytime yet.

 

 

I could smell the sweet roast of coffee flowing in the air. Even though I banned myself from coffee, Jacob still puts it out for me to smell.

 

And tt's so sweet that he'd do for his enjoyment and mine.

 

 

 

Just before reaching the open pathway to the kitchen, I hear a knock at the door.

 

I turn back as I look back.

 

''Who's that?'' Kylie asks towards me.

 

 

''I don't know? I didn't expect anyone today.'' I replied to her.

 

I walk past them in the living room, while the tv panned in transition.

 

I make my way to the door.

 

 

Marybella and Rikki have concern in their eyes as soon as I opened the door. I looked at both of them to ask what's going on,...when everything ahead of us made sense.

 

''Elle.'' Bella said,, unearthly.

 

 

 

She steps aside so I can see the full view of sirens and flashing lights just near the street.

 

From a distance I could see her.

 

Her devious smiled looped around my brain as I looked back at her stern.

 

 

I knew someday she would do this, but not now.

 

But I have to take it, i've done it before. I can do it again.

 

 

I had this coming to me and now I have to survive it again.

 

 

''Elle what's going on?'' Jacob asks, coming to the front door.

 

My eyes almost didn't blink for a second as the terrible pit feeling returned. But I pushed it down and swallowed my pride.

 

I had to pay for what I did, and she knew it.

 

 

''Jacob, keep the kids inside. Take care of them and make sure to give them all my love.'' I replied to him.

 

 

I turned around to give him one last look, he's holding Galleria in his arms.

 

She's silent, sleeping as usual.

 

 

I would miss her, and I would not be around to see her from this point in life.

 

But I will be back.

 

 

I step up to where he his. I look at my baby one more time and I plant a kiss on her sweet chubby cheek.

 

I look up to Jacob in the eyes, he's concerned and scared but he knew he'd listen to my words.

 

''Take care of them.'' I finally said.

 

 

I caressed the back of his neck, then I leaned in to give him one last kiss.

 

And just like that, they were coming. Their work was ready and I had to play with them.

 

 

But I refused to let myself run and escape again, I had to face it once again.

 

''Elle, what are we gonna do? You can't leave again!'' Marybella said to me.

 

 

She interuppted my thoughts as I stared down the squad of men approaching me, walking up the pathway.

 

 

''Don't worry i'll be back.'' I replied to her.

 

Rikki didn't say another word, she's silent and clinging to Marybella.

 

Mark and Chris weren't here, but that didn't matter.

 

 

I do what I have to do. And that's what they'll have to accept from now on.

 

 

''Why is this happening all over again, and why is she coming for you?'' Rikki, finally manages to say.

 

I heard the crack in her voice as I stared at the pathway up ahead, they were getting closer.

 

 

''I don't know anymore.'' I finally replied.

 

 

The squad of men in big windbreaker jackets and hats finally steps up to me.

 

I took in deep breaths as I prepared for their words.

 

 

''Elle Woods?'' said one man, with paper work.

 

''Yes?'' I replied with

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