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have never had this much trouble trying to talk to a girl.
“ Oh okay. See you around” I said not knowing what else to say but didn’t move an inch away from her. She held her notebooks closer to her chest holding something back.
“ Alright bye.” she glanced to her car and back “Thank you again.” and got in her car and drove away. Leaving me with millions of questions for her, question I know won’t ever be answered.


Aria
“How was school?” my mom ask bringing the groceries from her car to the kitchen
“ It was okay, I guess” I tried to hide the fact that just a few minutes ago I was alone face to face with the boy that made my heart skip a beat. Whether it was real or not, I still can’t believe what happened between us. I let my cement wall fall in front of him and cried but yet he didn’t run off or laugh, he understood even though I didn’t say a word of what I was going through.
“ You look too happy to have an “okay” day” she smile and put the brown paper bags on the counter and started taking out oranges “ Is it because of a boy?” she turned a looked at me straight in the face, I was not good at lying especially not to my mom.
I didn’t want the reason of having a good day was because of a boy I swore that I would not fall for his charm I was so sure of it the beginning of the day but now I’m not as convinced.
I worried, was it this easy to brake the promise I made to myself. I will not be like my mom or best friend and fall for guy that end up being more problems than they are worth.
How do I know that he will hurt me? How do I know if he likes me at all, maybe he was just trying to be nice and I took it the wrong way and made a total fool of myself.
“No it’s not because of a boy. I made a new friend today her” extra infancies on the word her “name is Jade” now that I got myself out of that question, all my thoughts where filled with what should I do to stay as far way form Grayson, because now I know that he was my weakness.
September 8,2010
Hey it’s me again. Two more days and until the weekend. Two more days until I have to see my dad and two more days until the first week of school is over. In just the course of two days I went from the new girl, to the girl Shane Thomson wants to date, so a lot can happen in two days. In those two days I went from the idea that I could carry on the year without a lot of attention to wanting to quit school all together.
I miss my old school, my old friends. I missed the old me the one how wasn’t afraid to live in the moment, to live life to the fullest, but she left a long time ago.
I promised that I would not fall for any guy, but today my loyalty to myself was tested. Grayson, I should have stayed away from him. Why
1) All boys are bad
2) You can’t trust a boy
3) I’m not ready for a relationship.
It’s kind of embarrassing, but I have never had a real relationship or a real kiss. I didn’t want to remember my first kiss to be during a game of spin the bottle in 7th grade with Kyle Smith, he bruised my nose because he was trying to get a better angel. So I don’t count that one. You would ask why I hadn’t had any other chances, I’m 17 what have I been doing since puberty kicked in? Well for me succeeding in school, art and soccer was every thing, my schedule was to busy for boys. I’m glad because boys only rune every thing.
I hope tomorrow is a better day, less boys and more learning!
I can’t believe that in just two days I will be forced to visit the man that is the cause of all my problems, that made heartache from ever possible angle. I know I’m not ready to face him, to pretend that everything is just like how it use to be. Lily is so happy she misses him dearly. She talks about him all the time not only is it annoying but it’s painful to see that she still doesn’t understand what going on.
I need someone to talk to right now to help cheer me on for this weekend. I grab my cell phone and press the number I know by heart.


Grayson
When my house came in to view I noticed all the lights from every open windows shinning as stars in the dark sky, welcome me home. Both cars parked in their usually secluded space, surprised that my parents where actually home I jogged to the front door. As I enter the kitchen both my parent where running around looking like chickens with their head chopped off. I had no idea what they were doing and was afraid to ask even the simplest of question, that should sound like a normal conversation but even in my head it sounded weird coming from my mouth to their ears.
“You guys are home?” it wasn’t a statement like I was going for, but more like a question. By the look on my fathers face I knew that he took my question in the wrong way like he always does and over reacts.
“ I’m sorry that I work my butt off…” his eye getting wide was he shakes his head. “ to support the way we live which means not able to come home when ever I want.” I can’t believe that he is blowing this way over paportion. All I did was ask a question, he could have just answered, but no he wanted an argument.
“ Richard we are already late for dinner let’s get going.” my mothers voice softens the tension in the room, as she grabs his hand pulling him back. They leave a few minutes later. “ what you guys are leaving?” I said sarcastically loud enough from the kitchen so they could hear me crystal clear as they close the door behind them. For once why couldn’t they act like they had a son waiting for them at home for once could they treat me as if I mean the world to them. It’s a simple wish that shouldn’t have to be asked but there it lingers on the tip of my tongue and it burned.
All of a sudden this is the last place I want to be in, my feet felt sluggish I couldn’t run fast enough through the door. I didn’t even look up at Mary asking me a question that I didn’t want to hear. I hate every thing that reminds me that I’m unloved this house is neon sigh screaming exactly that.
I get in my car, it takes all the energy I had not to scream from the top of my lungs, cursing at everyone and there mothers. What had I done wrong why don’t they see that there the ones pushing away not me. That their the ones turning me in to this hateful person I am.
I had to leave this drive way before I decide to do something that I can’t take back like slamming my car in to the garage. That would have gotten their attention. I smiled at the thought of their faces as the arrive home from where ever the go to avoid me and see a hole the size of a car, not just any car my car, on the garage door. I almost did it too, but I wanted to leave this place not get stuck in it.
I didn’t know were to go, but I drove anyway. Hoping it will cool me down I roll the windows wide open and breath it the smell of the night air, crisp and clean. Drowning my thoughts of my parents.
I can hear the music blaring from a block away, as I ring the doorbell, I regret it the moment the door opened.
“OMG!… Grayson?… what are you doing here…” she glanced behind me seeing if I brought others with me “I mean you surprised me.” I can smell the alcohol in her breath one whiff I can tell she had one to many.
“ I was just around. And had nothing to do…ummm” I turned feeling stupid for ever thinking of even coming here. She laughed as if I had just said the funniest thing she has ever herd.
“ No don’t goooo….” she covered her mouth and made a face that looked like she was disgusted. I’ve seen her look like this many times. She was about to throw up. I don’t get why she drinks at all she can never keep it down but I guess she hasn’t learned. It strange that it’s only now that I notice this about her maybe it’s because when she drunk I was always there with her in the same condition.
She tugged me along through the living room, so much for
inviting only a couple of people, it looked like she invited half of
the school. She was staggering, I had to help her balance or she would have fallen flat on her face and the five inch heels she was wearing wasn’t helping either.
“ Want some… thing to drink?” her eyes where half open as
she ran into her counter and giggled. I thought about her question and decided that I shouldn’t. Looking at her now with wondering eyes and made up my mind, no drinks for me tonight. She took my glare the wrong way and started wrapping her arms around my neck, inching her face closer to mine, the smell of her breath was so strong I had to hold my breath as I push her away.
“Do you want to go some place more… privet?” she asked with a smile that was lopsided. No I want you off me was what I was thinking. How does she think that she could throw herself at me and I would just take her back and the fact that she wasn’t even sober.
“ Courtney stop!” I yelled as she tried to grab the button of my pants.
“ You’re no fun” her voice sounded like it belong to a seven year old as she crossed her arm around her chest. What she always did when she didn’t get her way.
“Courtney I think you have had enough to drink” I said to her as she was about to grab another can of beer. “ you can’t even walk straight” I said as if I could stop her. She just looked at me with glassy eyes and a frustrated wrinkle on her forehead.
“ You can’t tell me what to do I’m Courtney Greene!” as if that was suppose to excuse her from being drunk. She opened the can, bringing the rim to her lips she took one big swigs. That’s all I took to get the same disgusted look to come on her face, but this time the vomit followed.
As I looked around the room for help, everyone seemed care free. Laughing, drinking, talking
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