Probability - Santosh Jha (books to read this summer TXT) 📗

initial awkwardness of man-woman dualism has definitely become elusive and given way to the raw objectivity of smoothness of mutuality. This is ideal platform for intents to ride on the utility of words. She starts the talk and words come to her like the primary seven notes of the music. He is not in words mode and lets her words lead probabilities. He has already attained the success of the enterprise and is least bothered about anything else. She has the words but they are not carrying any meaning. Her words are only her innate approval of the fruition of the enterprise.

Destinies are very simple and precisely decipherable. The deep consciousness in perfect harmony of elements within and milieus outside can see it lying there just inside the abyss of poised beingness. All elements of life and living, which people believe as key ingredients of destinies have an instinctive nature. The elements – both tangible as well as intangibles have the pathway charted out for their final destinations. It is all about the choice of placement and gradient of life one accepts. The water, always settles at the surface level; it is its destiny. The river, which originates from high altitudes of mountains, is resourceful enough to chart its ways along the gradient of land and finally merge with the sea at the base levels. All elements also follow the similar destinies. However, men and women have questions and they always love to ask them. The river never asks the ocean before her assimilation into it. Men and women always ask questions and destinies have only a singular answer. She also has questions and she cannot resist asking it as she is a very resourceful river and the gradient slope of her life is taking her fast and furious towards her destiny. Her question is genuine and she needs to ask it.

‘Can I ask you something?’, she whispers in his lips.

‘Ask me anything. Always keep your questions alive. All your questions are treasures to me as they give me the golden sense of belief that you trust me with their answers. I wish to tell you that I may not have all right answers to your questions but I am very confident that I shall always have the intent to find them. I also know that even when individually, you and me may not have enough answers or the right ones but if we remain together and keep our mutuality growing, together, with you and me being in perfect proximity and harmony like now, we shall arrive at all answers. I know and accept that I am not perfect but I know this too and accept it to you that I no more own myself. I have already joined my consciousness and destiny with you. For me, this mutuality is my destiny. You be what you are. I am not asking you for anything. I just believe that all your questions are mine and together, we can have all answers. I am more than happy that you have accepted me for your questions. They are answers to the core question of my life-living wellness. Thanks for this endowment.’

She says nothing. Her questions may not have been answered but she can see in his eyes and finds something, enough for her peace and poise. He lifts her in his arms and takes her to her bedroom. He wraps her around the blanket and softly caresses her tresses with his hands till she falls asleep. After a while, he tries to slip away but she holds his right hands and tightly shoves it on top of her gently throbbing heart.

Early dawn, when he gets out of her apartment, he has his plans ready. He has deciphered his destiny and the preparations for the inevitable must begin.

It is a fine morning and Paris is at its loveliest best. In her hotel room, she feels the youthfulness of a sunny morning and walks up to the window to have a look at the street below. Life has taken its pace and people are out on the street. An old woman, holding a stick in her hand is attempting to cross the road to reach the shops lined up on the other side. As cars and bikes whiz past her, she is reluctant to cross over all alone. She watches her predicament and thinks of going down to help her. Suddenly, an old man, wearing a white hat comes up, holds her hand and slowly takes her towards the other end. The old woman definitely knows him. Probably, he is her husband. The old man waves at the traffic and moves her. She looks happy, not even looking at the road or traffic, rather fixing her gaze on the face of her man. She is assured that he is there for her to lead her way to the destination. At the other side of the road, the old man shows up his bags to her and it looks she is disapproving of what he has bought. She then walks away, leaving the old man walking after her, continuously saying something, as if convincing her of his prudent buys.

She suddenly remembers what he had said to her at her place, when they were having coffee. She smiles and murmurs to herself, ‘He was right, I am definitely just a symbol away from wellness’. She makes the decision. She picks up her phone and calls up her mother. She informs her about her trip and then comes to the point, for which she has called her.

‘Mom, I wonder, if dad genuinely feels it, says sorry to you and wants to be back, would you take him back in your life?’

‘Did he talk to you? Is it so?’

‘No he hasn’t. It just crossed in my mind. Would you…?’

‘I don’t know. If he genuinely accepts that things can be made to look better, I think it is terrific. Saying sorry or accepting back is not important. Important it is for him, as well as for me to understand and accept that we are old now. The small amount of energies, we are left with, is not there for sorting out differences. It has to be there for building bits and pieces of probabilities of mutuality, which always stand a chance or two, till you drop dead. We are at a stage of life, where we have little time and space left. Therefore, togetherness is no more required for competitiveness of time and space. It is required for merger of small pieces of each other’s remaining time and space to nurture a tiny domain of mutuality. Anyway, even if he keeps his romance with his stupidities, it is a bonus for me as it shall at least keep me busy…’

Both daughter and mother laugh a lot. She is unusually happy and chirpy and her mother knows why. She asks her a pointed question but she avoids answering her. Suddenly, it flashes in her mind as why her mother also talked of the word mutuality. She is amazed at the coincidence of the word coming to her from all quarters.

‘Mom, you spoke about mutuality. You never used this word before. How come this word entering your lexicon?’

‘Oh yes… there is a young man in my life, whom I met just yesterday. He talks a lot about mutuality. I think, he has loads of it in his personality. He came to me and I am quite positive, I am more than ready to accept him in my life. He is coming later this evening and we are going out on a walk together. Probably, he shall take me to dinner too. He asked me for something, which I may not give him, as the thing he wants is such a lost stupid. However, I want him in my family; this looks a surety now!

The mother daughter fight breaks out… The mother keeps teasing her and the daughter is happily angry at her. The mother keeps asking her pointed and straight questions and she refuses to answer them. Does she have the answers? Probably…!

‘Why should you ask me all this?’

‘Because, it’s time you have to. I am your mother, I need to know.’

‘What?’

‘About what and how you feel about this man? What’s up in your crazy mind?’

‘Mom… I am not sure… Can’t be definitive about him the way you are.’

‘Sure, it shall always be your discretion but you need to have your reasons right for whatever you think is right for you. I need to share your consciousness on that. It is important for my own wellness. In fact, as probably the way he would put it, it is only appropriate for our mutuality as mother and daughter.’

‘Mom, I understand that. The thing is, I have just started to accept his hypothesis about the mutuality principle. Things are surely not as straight forward as it is usually in most relationships. Rather, it is good for me. It is not about he loves me and I love him thing and therefore we should get married. In fact, I even don’t feel like in love with him. Honestly, I even don’t know how it feels to be in love. It is also not important. Whom you love is irrelevant proposition as what matters is that someone loves you. You loved dad a lot but probably he didn’t love you the same way. I know and accept that he loves me very much; though he has never said me I love you. There is something deeper and more meaningful hypothesis about relationships, which he probably wants me to get to. This mutuality hypothesis of his is something I have only just begun to internalize. I am accepting now, what he says that mutuality is not about love and marriage only. He talks about these things being just symbolisms. The actual realism of mutuality is what he wishes me to be in and it has just penetrated my consciousness. I still have questions and the brilliant thing about him is that he values my state of mind as well as my questions. I am growing in confidence that his template of life-wellness is overwhelmingly better than mine. Mine is rather botched up unstructured; thanks to dad and his ways with me. The good thing is that he is not insisting me to accept his template of life-wellness just because mine is not a great one. He simply wants to bring all issues at the door of mutuality. This I have accepted now. I have accepted his mutuality hypothesis and now, I am sure of one thing that I want him to take my hand and lead me to see and assess all realisms through this mutuality perspective.’

‘Does this door of mutuality in simple and straightforward term leads to the marriage hall?’

‘You make him your son-in-law but I am never going to accept him as my husband. This is such a restrictive word. Your son-in-law is a stupid, as he wants a bigger stupid in his life. Therefore, when there is a union of two mega-stupids, all terms and references are going to be redefined and re-christened. There is no marriage but there is mutuality. There is no husband but a consciousness-collaborator. As he says, he and I shall be collaborators in engendering a template of life-wellness on the beautiful canvas of mutuality.’

‘Okay, I accept. My last question is – is there a space for something called kitchen in the template of mutuality? I my days, when I was young like you, a full and satisfied stomach was considered primary element of life-wellness and I know, you are a duffer and he makes bad coffee.’

‘Oh mom, this too is in the domain of mutuality. He and I shall stay at your place for a month and learn together all lovely dishes you make. I think, you should skip the idea of dinner out, when he comes this evening. Make him learn and cook your signature dishes. He