Hot Blooded, Cold Hearted! - Carolyn Barber (best authors to read TXT) 📗

When I woke up, I felt kind of groggy and managed to stumble my way to the bathroom. I turned on the light and seeing my reflection in the mirror I nearly jumped out of my skin, instantly jolting myself into reality. I had forgotten I had my hair shaved off. Once I gained my composure I studied myself. I had a nice shape to my head and for that I was thankful. My facial features stood out more, especially my green eyes that were framed by perfectly shaped eyebrows and long, thick dark eye-lashes. I could easily get away without wearing mascara but I loved make-up and wore it anyway. I decided that wearing the same amount of make-up that I usually wore would be a little much, so I simply applied foundation to even-out my complexion and chose a shimmery rosy colored lipstick and a hint of blush. I looked like a totally different person and I liked it. I finished dressing, drank some coffee and went to the lobby to wait for Morris. I saw him pull up to the curb and walked out, and down the stairs that I now was more cautious with. He reached over and opened the door for me and I climbed in. I shut the door and turned to him, "Hey!" I said bright eyed and bushy-tailed. "Wow! You look great!" he said excitedly. "Boy, you're easy to please!" I retorted. "No, I really mean it, you look so natural, I'm not use to seeing you like this" he said. "Well you look really good too Morris, I mean it. I'm not just returning a compliment. You should always sport a buzz cut, it suits you well" I replied wholeheartedly. "Are you flirting with me?" he teased. "You wish!" I jested back. "Ha! You do like me! I knew it!" he smiled. "Just drive! And stop looking at me, keep your eyes on the road for God's sake!" I said watching the road so somebody was. I could see he was smiling in my periferel vision.

Just before he opened the door to the office he said, "This is going to be interesting, let's hold hands and really give them something to talk about". I smiled, "Let's do it!" I said and grabbed his hand as we stoled into the building holding hands past the receptionist. She didn't say a word, she just watched us with a disturbed look on her face, her glare following us all the way down the hall. Each time we passed an office the same stunned expression would come over various faces. As Morris brought me to my office at the end of the hall we turned to see everyone peeping around the corner of their door looking at us, only to duck back in trying not to get caught. Morris and I cracked up. "We should kiss now, that would just throw them over the edge!" he whispered in my ear. I pushed him away jokingly, "Okay, let's not try to push the envelope here buddy! Go get some work done!" I said while I shooed him away.

I quickly got into a groove, we were in the final phases of the magazine. I had to make sure everything was perfectly in order before it went to print. Upon completion of this process, a meeting would be called together so the team could view it on screen to see their work compilation and when everyone was satisfied, it would be sent to print. By eleven I was finished. I instructed my secretary to call a meeting with the team at noon and have pizza delivered to feed everyone lunch during the viewing.

Everyone gathered in the conference room, I sat at the head of the long table in the front of the room. Morris sat to my right. When everyone was seated, I thanked them for their hard work in putting together one of the best magazines that I had seen since I had begun working there. "I know you're all wondering what's been going on with me the last couple of weeks, and I'd like you to hear it directly from the source, especially since I know how journalist are about their sources" I said matter of factly. Everyone chuckled. "I would like to explain why my hours will be somewhat changing here and there and that I may not be as available to you as I have been. This effects you, you'll have to take on a little more diligence yourselves. You'll have to really tighten up your editing and make sure your information isn't stretched beyond truth. To get to the point, and without sugar coating this, I had a brain tumor removed almost two weeks ago, they ran a biopsy and it is malignant. I'll be going to radiation treatment five days a week, I don't know what to expect yet as the first treatment will be this afternoon. The treatment will continue for about six weeks, Morris has been kind enough to volunteer his time to help me, he's probably the only one who can handle being around me for more than fifteen minutes" I said as I noticed everyone looked stunned. Casey, one of the gals I've worked with from the beginning spoke up, "Penny, this is devastating! I'm so sorry to hear this, ofcourse we'll all do whatever we can to help take some stress off you, right guys?" she said while looking around the group. Everyone agreed. "Thank you Casey, everyone, I do appreciate it, now as they say in show biz...the show must go on!" I exclaimed while I pushed the curser on my laptop bringing the big screen to life behind me with the coming months issue of "Run Amuck!". 

Before the meeting ended I asked Morris if he could take over where I left off and I excused myself. I went to my office, closed the door and cried. I couldn't stand looking at the pictures, the grotesque looks on the victims faces. The images were literally making me physically ill. I reached for the garbage can and vomited. I went to the womens' restroom around the corner and washed my mouth out. I looked in the mirror and pulled myself together. Back in my office I reapplied my lipstick, drank some juice from my mini-refrigerator and gathered my thoughts. 

Fifteen minutes later Morris came in, "Are you okay?" he asked concerned. "I'm fine, probably just nerves you know?" I replied. "Yeah, that's probably it, do you want to get out of here?" he asked me knowing our job was done for the moment anyways. "Yeah, where should we go? My appointment is in an hour and a half" I replied. He thought for a second, "I know just the place! Get your things, let's go!" he said urgently. As we walked by the receptionist Morris told her we would be gone for the rest of the day. She smiled at the two of us and nodded her head "Okay! You two have a good afternoon" she said as Morris whisked me out the door.

He took me to a small beach down the street from the treatment center. "Let's get really crazy and go bare foot. I love the way sand feels between my toes!" he said smiling. "You're kind of weird aren't you?" I asked sarcasticly. "You know you love squishy stuff between your toes, don't deny it!" he replied. I took my shoes off and we walked out to the beach. Eventhough it was the pacific ocean, the waves were relatively gentle due to the fact that it was a small inlet off the ocean along the edge of the city. The weather was overcast, and though the sky was drab and the air moist, I found it to be rejuvenating. I loved being outdoors, especially amoungst nature. It was something I rarely made time for. We sat on a log that overlooked the outlet of the ocean and watched the seagulls flying around, desperately searching for scrapes of food. They flew over us and around us, squaking, demanding food. Realizing we had nothing to offer, they left us to invade someone else.

"Morris where do you think we go when we die?" I asked him curiously, not really knowing his stand on the subject. "I believe there's a beautiful place that we go to, where there's no sadness, no pain, no hate and everything is pure. We'll know then, what we didn't know here on earth. They'll be nothing but love, love that we can't even comprehend. We'll all bask in the light of the one that created us. That's what I think, that's what I hope. What about you, where do you think we go?" he softly asked. "I hope we go to the place you just described, that sounds beautiful" I replied trying not to get choked-up.

"You know, I've hated being alive for so long, so many times I wish I was dead, especially during my childhood. I have nightmares to this day that I can't get out of my head. Some terrible things happened to me and made me become hateful and untrusting of anyone. But now that I know I'm looking at five years or so to live, I don't want to die and I certainly don't want to die with hate in my heart. If I did, than how would I be able to get into the place you speak of?" I asked him sadly. "Don't worry Penny, I won't let you die with hate in your heart, you'll get to that place and when you do your heart will be overfilled with love" he said with a gentle smile. "Maybe I'm broken