Less than Perfect - S. J. Evans (best e reader for manga .TXT) š
- Author: S. J. Evans
Book online Ā«Less than Perfect - S. J. Evans (best e reader for manga .TXT) šĀ». Author S. J. Evans
Leah sighed beside her daughter. āAfter the ambulance arrived, I pushed them away but asked that Joe would stay and take care of you. I thought it would be safer if you were in a familiar environment when you woke up and Joe agreed with me. So thatās why youāre in the guest room. Because we figured youād want to be far away from that room and the terrifying memories it holds.ā Leahās voice faltered as she spoke. She hadnāt even looked at Skye as she spoke; only stared at the bedding with weary eyes. And suddenly, without warning, she broke into sobs, falling on weak knees beside the bed.
āIām so sorry, sweetie,ā she cried, patting Skyeās knee. āIāIām just so, so
sorry. I canāt imagine what you must be going through right now, and I only wish I could do something more. I wish I could help you, sweetheart. What he did to you was unforgiveable. And Iām terribly sorry I let it happen.ā
At her motherās words, Skye trembled, gulping down her own sobs. Images of the Johnny were scattered throughout her mind, replaying the many different times heād abused her, including little from the night before. She couldnāt help the stray tears that slid down her cheeks as little forms of her misery, nor could she bear the pain that pierced her heart when she thought of her mom blaming herself. No matter how much she did blame her mother for inviting Johnny into their lives, she couldnāt blame her for what Johnny had done to her. It wasnāt Leahās fault, but Johnnyās. He was the one who stole away Skyeās freedom; no one else had. And she kept it from her mother to save her. Sheād given Leah no reason not to trust Johnny, and neither had heāuntil the night before, that is.
Turning towards her mother, she let herself fall against the bed so that she lay beside Leahās head, running her fingers through Leahās dark hair. She hushed her, trying to cope herself with the dark feelings that burdened her heart. She hated seeing her mom grieving in pain. It ripped at her tainted soul until there was nothing left but grief.
āDonāt be sorry, Mom,ā she whispered, too afraid to find her voice. āYou couldnāt have known he was going to hurt me. No one ever gave you reason to believe he would do what he did. So, please, donāt blame yourself. You did nothing wrong. He did. It was all him.ā
Leah looked up at Skye, frowning, as tears trickled down her face. āI should have known Skye. Iām your mother. I should have known that something was off between you two. Only, instead, I let my stupid feelings towards that man cloud my better judgment. And now youāre hurt, again. And IāIām just so sorry, sweetie.ā Sobs broke out again, her body shaking erratically against the bedding.
āYou are my mother,ā started Skye, grabbing Leahās hand in hers, ābut that doesnāt mean you should have known something was wrong. Mom, I know it must be hard for you, seeing as how youāre my mother and you care about my wellbeing, but you canāt blame yourself for all thatās happened. Johnny is a twisted, sick man. Heās a betraying, deceitful, liar, with low self-esteem. And it was he
who hurt me, he
who abused me and betrayed us both. You and I both know he
is the one responsible, neither of us. So thereās no need for either of us to blame ourselves. He did the wrong.ā
The room went silent, Leahās sobs subsiding as she must have been taking in Skyeās words. Skye could feel the pounding in her head, along with a tingly pain that pierced deep inside. Something took a tight grip on her heart, squeezing it like a juicer, and she felt a pang of utter strength beckon her away from Leah, back into a sitting position. She held her motherās hand in hers tightly, not once letting it go, and gave it a reassuring squeeze.
āPlease, let this go, Mom,ā she pleaded. She felt warmth spread throughout her body, like warm water rushing through her veins, and suddenly wanted to brave telling Leah everything. She needed not to hold anything back any longer; part of her was free from Johnny, she didnāt need to protect anyone anymore.
āIt wasnāt your fault in any way, and you couldnāt have done anything to stop him. Truth isāas Iām sure you donāt knowāJohnny has been abusing me since shortly after you married him. It started out small, whenever I did things he didnāt like heād hit me or push me around, but as time carried on he got a little more aggressive. And this year, he grew much, much worse. He became more possessive of me, always telling me what was ābest for meā, and started to tear me down, piece by piece. His aggression became worse with each passing day and, in the past couple of months, heās hurt me more times than I can keep record. He was the reason I broke my ribs; he was the reason I went to the hospital three months ago with āstomach problemsā; he was the reason for all the times I told you I was okay when in reality I was not; he is the reason Iām afraid.
He told me that everything he did to me had to be kept a secret or he would hurt all those that I loved, particularly you. He convinced me that it would be better to hide the secret and take the pain than to spill it and face far worse problems. Johnny knew how to control me, Mom. Heās been doing it for a long time now. So when he overheard me and Rachel talking about him a couple days ago, and walked in on my miserable attempt to tell you everything the next day, I guess it pushed him over the edge. And thatās why heā¦thatās why...āāshe let out a long, deep breathāāThatās why he tried to rape me.ā
āHe said that I needed to be āpunishedā for spilling our secret. And he saw forcing himself into me, making me āhisā, as my punishment. Heād warned me before, but I didnāt want to believe it. Iād fought him, struggling with everything I had, while he told me he couldnāt stop himself because he āloved
ā me. I still donāt understand why he did it, everything, but something tells me that the main reason he abused me for so long was because he wanted to be sure he had power over me; he wanted to be in control of me, whether by my fear or weakness, so that he could one day steal me away from you. I think he thought that if I feared him enough I would willingly give myself away to him. But I couldnāt ever do that. And all I want now is for him and the memories to disappear, out of our lives for good, so that we can really be a family again, just you and me.ā
After telling Leah their storyāJohnny and hersāshe collapsed on the bed, sinking against the mattress and pillow. Tears were streaming down her face, crystals of mixed emotionsāsadness, fear, angerājust to name a few. Her head ached from stress. She couldnāt believe sheād actually told Leah the secret sheād tried so hard to keep hidden for so long. In one way she felt relieved to have told Leah, but in another, she was worried how her mother would take it all.
Giving a quick glance in her direction, she stifled a sob. Leah knelt beside the bed, with a stunned expression, completely speechless. She knew that look; it was Leahās way of hiding all her emotions inside, afraid they would come out wrong and hurt someone else. Sheād given it to her daughter many times before, whenever something went wrong and she didnāt know how to handle the situation.
āMom?ā Skye whispered, unsure of her own voice. It was then when she figured the information sheād given Leah was too much to handle all at once, and she regretted it. The healing process would be a lot harder than sheād thoughtāfor both of them.
Looking at her daughter with sad eyes, Leah pushed Skye on the shoulder lightly and stood. She shivered, bitter sobs on the brink of her lips, and crawled into the bed beside Skye. They stayed there, in cold silence, for minutes that felt like hours.
Eventually, Leah gained enough courage to speak. āIām sorry, Skye,ā she said, slowly. Her voice was raspy and quiet, sobs caught in her throat. āI just canāt believe he did all that to you. I donāt know what to say, sweetie. I wish you wouldāve told me. You didnāt deserve to go through any of that.ā
āItās okay, Mom, I know. I wish I would have done things differently, but the thing is, I didnāt. So now we have to move on, get over the past and survive the future. I donāt want you to feel any pain for what happened to me. Iāve suffered enough pain for the both of us already. Thereās no need for more.ā
āBut Skye, I let this happen to you,ā Leah whispered. āI should have taken better care of you. Youāre my daughter. Iām responsible.ā
āI donāt blame you, Mom,ā Skye added quietly. āYou have taken care of me just fine. You couldnāt have known I was in trouble because I never gave you reason to think I was. And thereās no possible way youāre responsible. Johnny is responsible. He
did everything to me. He
tricked you. He
made this happen. You had nothing to do with it.ā
More silence filled the warm air, heavy and oppressive.
āI never really asked you about him,ā Leah finally said. āI should have made sure you were alright. I mean, you hurt yourself Skyeāthat was a sign. I shouldāve followed up to it better.ā
āI hurt myself because of what Bryan
did to me,ā Skye corrected. She turned herself so that she was looking at Leah, holding her gaze. Touching her face, she managed a small smile. āMom, stop blaming yourself, please. I want you to trust me when I tell you that it wasnāt your fault. It never was your fault, alright? Please, just try to forget it ever happened? I want us to move on, no, I need
us to move on. Itās the only way weāll ever forgive ourselves for what happened.ā
āIāll trust you Skye, I really will. But I want you to promise me, promise me
, that youāll come to me if youāre ever in trouble. I donāt want you to get hurt like youāve been ever, ever
again. And in return, I promise to be a better mother to you.ā
āYouāve always been a good mother to me,ā Skye told Leah in confidence. āAnd Iāll always love you the same way I always have: with all my heart. Donāt worry about me, Mom, I promise to come to you if
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