A Howl In The Night - Lorelei Sutton (books to read romance .txt) 📗

myself in him. As I do so, that same affection grows to consume my entire body until I can't help but accept some form of it. Turning so that I face him, I place both hands on his cheeks and lean forwards.

There is no logical reasoning. I guess you could say that it was because he saved me. Or maybe because of his ways of persuasion. But to me, there is no process. It just happens—or maybe it happened already, and I just didn't know it—without warning, without hope for recovery, and without obligation.

I love him. Maybe since day one, maybe not until this very moment. But all I know now is my own realization, and I'm never going to let it go.

My heartbeat escalates as his head leans closer to my neck. His breathing is heavy with fear and exhaustion. I can't stop myself from stroking his hair with my fingertips, and wondering if things will ever get any better.

"Xavier, I know how you feel, perhaps more so than anyone else," I sigh, rubbing his back slowly. "But you haven't been getting any sleep, and it shows. Come with me and rest."

He doesn't move, but his grip loosens. I gently twist out of his embrace and instead reach for his hand. His palm feels warm and clammy as he gingerly closes his fingers around mine. A strange expression appears on his face as he squeezes my hand.

I take a step towards our camp. Noticing that he is barely moving, if at all, I cast a glance at him inquisitively. He seems rooted in place, thinking about something intently.

"Xavier?" I ask inquisitively, casting a glance at our still interlocked hands. And then we make eye contact, his gaze scaring me with its intensity.

"I don't need rest," he insists, pulling on my arm so that I am forced to turn around. "I just need you."

My cheeks are burning red as he walks closer with purposeful strides. He picks me up, and immediately starts to run, each step taking us farther away from reality. Even though the surrounding scenery melts into a blur of colors with blinding speed, I can still consistently feel his warmth against my side.  As I look up at him, I see the determination in his features, as well as defeat, and even loneliness. My heart contracts within my chest at the pitiful nature of his expression.

He stops in some desolate region, his grip loosening on me to the point that I almost fall out of his hands. Carefully I try to lower myself onto the ground, worried about Xavier's countenance.

"Xavier," I whisper, keeping my hands on his arms while I steady myself, "it's okay. You can let it out."

His face crinkles up as he leans back against the tree, his eyes starting to tear up in a betrayal of the emotions he must be facing inwardly.

"Xavier!" I cup his cheeks with my hands, afraid of losing him. "It's not your fault, do you hear me? It's... not your fault." We are only a hairsbreadth apart, but from where I am, the distance seems much greater than that.

"I appreciate you trying to make me feel better," Xavier smiles weakly, his face tilted towards the heavens. Or whatever else is up there.

I take my thumb and wipe a single tear off his cheeks. He laughs through his anguish, a pitiful laugh that is in distortion of everything a laugh should be like, and leans forward.

There is no time for me to react before his lips meet mine, his teeth tugging at my bottom lip. The kiss is gentle, but soon evolves into an animalistic passion that is impossible to control. His tongue invades my mouth, and I accept it willingly, hoping that he will share some of his burden with me. That he will let me into his heart when it matters the most.

His fingers race through my hair, pulling me even closer, almost painfully gripping at my scalp. Another hand trails down my neck and then my back, pushing my entire body so I am leaning into him. My bottom lip burns as he nips at it again, and then he tilts his head to brush his lips against my nose.

I can feel them now—the wetness dripping onto my cheeks, my chin, my neck. I wrap my arms around his back, somehow knowing without even having to ask.

There are no words that can be spoken, but maybe, in this one moment, there are no words that can't be conveyed through actions like this.  

Breathing heavily, Xavier slides to the ground with me still in his arms. I can tell that his exhaustion is getting to him, because the intensity of his kisses has gradually decreased. I gently pull away, and he lies against the grass with his eyes fluttering.

I move to where he was leaning and sit on my knees, staring at his face. He looks so... troubled. Even though I bet he doesn't realize it himself.  

"If you want to, you can lean on me," I say softly. He looks at me, and then weakly smiles. My breath catches in my throat.

"I might have to take you up on that offer." Sliding himself over, he positions his head to lie in my lap. I blush at the movement, not expecting him to lean on me exactly like he did.

He sighs, looking up at me and then the sky with the same defeated expression. Silence stretches between us, and it lasts for ages, neither one of us willing to break it.

As we rest, my mind wanders to the implications of the recent battle at the beach. The Shifters that fought against us then were so unlike the ones I have seen in this world up until then. They looked like an army, fighting in inexplicable unison that did not match the normal isolated behavior of a lone Shifter. To my knowledge, they don't usually travel in packs or strategize in their attacks. Although, now that I think about it... they did congregate together inside Headquarters after the barrier was broken. The question is, is there a leader of the Shifters who is controlling or coordinating them for these attacks? Does someone know we are here?

Well, I guess the better question to sum all of my worries up at once is: Are we not alone?  

A hand brushes against my cheek, startling me out of my daze. "I'm... sorry, Mona." Xavier stares into my eyes imploringly, not the slightest hint of a smile on his face.

"Sorry?" I shake a little, as if I had a chill, from the suddenness of his voice. "W-what for?"

"Everything." He smiles now, but this one is so weak that it would have been better if he had kept a straight face. "For bringing you along this journey with me. For assaulting you with my feelings without caring for yours. For... trying to make something happen when it was... clearly... never going to work... out." His last words are so feeble that I strain to hear them, but they are the most poignant out of all of them. My heart turns as cold as ice.

"Xavier, I-"

"I'm sorry for betraying you and the entire pack." After he says his last words, he shuts his eyes tightly, as if willing himself to go to sleep faster. I can tell that he doesn't plan on continuing the conversation, if you can even call it that.

My head starts to droop as the exhaustion gets to me as well. Something about seeing his face slowly morph from a stony expression to something more peaceful as his breathing steadies makes me feel like I should call it a day.

The rest of the pack will probably wonder where I went, but that's okay. We need this rest, I argue to myself, especially when so many of us are injured.

The only thing that worries me is that maybe the Shifters will come back for the rest of us. I really need to keep guard, in case something like that happens.

I start fighting vehemently as my eyes keep slipping downwards. The absolute stillness in the forest is not helping matters either.

 

Giving up, I lean my head against the back of the tree and let sleep take me.

 

* * *

What a cruel way to continue the story.

Sometimes I feel like I can understand it. These events and circumstances are necessary, although sometimes inexplicable. Sometimes harsh. Sometimes painful.

 

Why?

No, no... I take it back. Must. It isn't my place to know. I'd like to... but I can't. Can't ask, can't question, can't know.

I won't get an answer anyways.

 

Purpose is cruel. A beast that robs you of your natural identity and aspirations and places you on a different path that continues in a straight line, always moving never stopping running running stop take a breath no don't do it stand up keep running running running or else you'll know.

 

Sometimes I feel like I'm about to shatter. Hit the ground so hard that my face splinters and my fingers crumble and my chest explodes and then I realize, it's already happened. And so it can happen, again and again and again, without any relief, because why? Because I'm dead! Dead then, dead now, dead forever and always.

And there's no difference anyways because

Life is a lie. A beautiful lie. A lie that curves, diverts from the main road and detours by the rocky cliffs, crystal oceans, and pink-stained sunsets. It can move backwards and forwards, sideways and diagonally, every which way, but the truth is the lie is an illusion. Don't be fooled! There is only one direction. There is only one choice. So make a decision. There is the choice to be, and the choice to be. Take your pick.

 

The end.

 

 

"Mona! Mona! What's wrong?"

I feel someone violently shaking my shoulders, and my eyes immediately fly open just as my head hits the front of the tree. "Ouch!" I squeal, my hand reaching up to rub where it had been hit.

Xavier is in front of me, his face only inches away. My eyes widen at his proximity, and my first instinct is to look away, only to feel guilty for doing so a few seconds later. He's... just looking out for me.

"What... Xavier..." I murmur, still confused by what was happening.

"You were shaking just a few seconds ago, almost like you were having a seizure," Xavier says worriedly, his hand rubbing down the side of my arm. My skin burns with his touch, the heat spreading throughout my body.

"I don't know..." I reply, moving my hand to rub at my temples. My forehead throbs, each moment bringing a new wave of pain that is quickly increasing in intensity.

"Were you having a bad dream?" He asks, his eyes immediately gravitating to where my hands are located.

I wince as pain like a sharp blade pierces my head. "Maybe so... I'm not really sure," I groan, my mind growing hazy. "It was so strange... I thought I heard someone... crying, or talking, or maybe both. I'm not sure."

His grip tightens on my arm. "Well, forget about that." He shakes his head anxiously, "how are you feeling? You look absolutely terrible."

"Thanks," I grin, looking up at him briefly with a mischievous expression. "I appreciate that."

"You know that's not what I meant." Xavier sighs, making me laugh.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I just have a headache, that's all."

"It must be pretty bad for you to be groaning like that." He leans in, and gently presses his forehead to mine.

"W-what are you doing?!" I ask him nervously, leaning back subconsciously. I can see him grin out of the corner of my eye. He's enjoying putting me on edge, which is a clear indicator that he is back to normal.

"Yes, what have you guys been doing?" A new, deep voice echoes throughout the area, and we both jump. Turning towards the source, we both see Jake, who is staring at us suggestively. His smirk makes me blush.

"How the crap..." I mutter, looking around quickly to see if any