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concert that evening. Of course, I’d have to wait backstage and pretend I was his cousin, but that was fine with me.
The stage was large and back here was hot and busy. People were running all over the place, shouting orders, checking lights, microphones and instruments. A few people came to interrogate Nick about me, but he relayed our story smoothly, the other band members chuckling and rolling their eyes.
Hundreds, maybe a thousand people standing in the audience. Most of them didn’t even look like farmers. But they looked anxious and impatient. Dangerous. So glad I wasn’t among those guys.
“Showtime, Axel. I’ll see you after the concert.” He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. He whispered in my ear at an angle nobody could see, “Bye sexy.”
I only smiled and watched him make his way onstage, the drums already beating loudly.
A handful of the songs I actually recognized rom Mom blasting them in the car. A couple I could actually sing along to. I slowly realized they were actually a pretty good band. Maybe even better than Extremity. What am I saying? That’s just the fluttery feeling in my stomach talking. I always thought I hated him, but now I found myself missing him. Loving his touch and his kisses. Subtly stealing Louis’s place in my heart.
But I’d lost Louis a long time ago. He’d made it obvious he was tired of me anyways. What else could I do? Nick was actually there for me when I needed him.

About 3 hours or so later, the music slowed and died out, and the crowd shouted for an encore. Nick came backstage for a couple minutes and pulled me out of view, kissing me lightly and hugging me before racing back onstage and shouting their final songs. Two I’d never heard before. They must’ve been new.
First thing he did when he returned was grab me and spin me around. He was coated in sweat, but I didn’t care. The rest of the boys followed after him and he said, “Alright, now time for Del Rio!”
“Del Rio? What is that?” I asked, baffled.
“Night club just a couple blocks from here. A limo’s already waiting outside to take us there. Don’t worry, I’ll make them let you in. It’ll be fun.” He grinned, wrapping his arm around my waist as he led us through to the back door and we quickly piled into the awaiting black limo before anyone could see us. It was a tight fit, but comfy.
Del Rio was quite a small place. Had a bar and a small stage plus a dance floor. The music was stentorian and the people were all drunk and obnoxious. Nick had pointed to the motel across the street and told me we’d be staying there.
Nick did indeed get them to let me come inside, with a small bribery of 50 dollars. While Stones, Tanner and Ben gulped down drink after drink, Nick and I kept to the corner, slow-dancing even though a strong, fast-paced techno song was booming in the background. We kept our eyes on each other and he rested his forehead against mine.
Eventually we’d slipped into a hot, heavy session of making-out. It didn’t go any farther than that though. Fifteen minutes or so in, Nick said he was going to the bathroom, and told me to stay put and not go anywhere.
I sat alone, watching all the crazy drunk people dancing awkwardly to the music. Most of them were just grinding on each other, while the more drunk ones just flailed their bodies around, thinking they were just doing really good at dancing.
Through the crowd, I caught Tanner’s stare. Seeing that I was alone, he pushed through the crowd and staggered over to me.
“H-heeee.” He burped.
“Um, hi Tanner.”
He smiled and grabbed my hand, pulling me to my feet.
“What are you doing?” I tried to pull away, but he held me close and tight. So tight my wrists were actually starting to hurt.
“Y-youare actuaallly really really REALLY pret-no, beautiful!” he slurred, leaning in to kiss me.
I turned my head and he ended up smooching my cheek. Once he realized, he furrowed his brows and turned for the exit, pulling me along.
“Where are we going? I have to wait for Nick.”
He glared at me and pushed me through the door, out into the cold night. I could still here the music from inside, booming loudly.
“Weee are going to have ooooour own fuun, okay? No more Niiiicki pricky.”
What was he talking about? What was he going to do? I panicked and tried to pull away and run, but he tightened his grip and sloppily continued to pull me along. For a drunk dude, he was pretty strong.
He forced me along the cross walk and into the motel we were all staying at, waving stupidly over at the man working the front desk. He awkwardly smiled and nodded, rolling his eyes when Tanner turned away. I wanted to scream, “Help me!” but the fear held my lips sealed.
He pushed me through one of the last doors on the right and locked the door behind us.
“Tanner, what do you think you’re doing? Nick will kill you!” I looked down at my now free wrists. There were dark purple bruises where his fingers were.
He quickly pulled off his shirt and pushed me down on the bed. I tried to push him away or wiggle away, but he held my wrists down tightly against the bed. I was pinned. He leaned over me, trailing kisses from my ear to my neck, then down to my collarbone.
He tugged at my shirt with his teeth. I argued and screamed, but he wouldn’t stop. He held my arm down with his knee for a moment while he stuffed his shirt in my mouth to silence me. Then he went back to his work, pinning me so hard against the bed I could feel the bulge in his pants as he tore my shirt.
Next he went for my jeans, grabbing the zipper in his teeth and pulling it down. And of course, he then pulled the jeans themselves down, again with his teeth. I cringed. How strong were his teeth? And was this really happening? I struggled again, but he just tightened his grip even more. I wanted to scream, but I could only cry.
He laughed and demanded that I shut up. He readjusted himself again so that my arms were pinned by his knees so he could slip out of his jeans and toss them aside and return to his work.
He positioned himself and I braced for it. For him to steal the last piece of innocence in me. He watched the tears roll down my cheeks before wiping them away and he whispered, “It’ll be okay. It’ll be fuuuun, I promise.” And he went in. Without a care in the world about what he was doing to me.
Chapter 9



Chapter 9

“TANNER!”
I didn’t know where the voice came from, but it didn’t really matter. Nothing could get worse than this. I kept my eyes tightly shut, groaning with the pain. All I could hear was his moaning, so loud and disgusting it made my head ache. But hell, my whole body was burning at this point.
“TANNER, GET THE FUCK OFF HER!”
He was forced away from me, pulled to the floor. Only now, free from his cold grasp, did I open my eyes and curl up in the tightest ball possible, tears still streaming down my face. Everything stung.
Nick was on top of him, punching him senselessly in the face. He didn’t even put up a fight. The blood poured out of his nose like a faucet and a couple teeth flew out of his mouth. Nick’s face was hot red and his hair was pasted to his forehead with the sweat.
Several more brutal punches and kicks in the nuts passed before Tanner passed out and Nick rushed over to me.
“I’m so sorry, Axel. I can’t believe this happened… I’m so so sorry… I’ll never leave you again!” He was crying now, wrapping me up in an extra, clean, thin blanket from the closet He cradled me like a baby while I wept in his chest. He kicked Tanner one last time before carrying me out, shutting the door behind us and leading me to his room.

I cried nonstop for several hours. The whole time curled up against Nick, with fresh clothes and a blanket around us both. He kept his teary eyes on me the whole time, holding me, running his fingers through my hair and wiping away the tears, kissing me every so often.
I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. I felt worthless. He’d taken all the innocence I’d had. Ignored my fear, my sorrow, my pleading… to have his way. I felt so dirt and used. I never wanted to move again. I was afraid he might return… do it again. Those brown eyes were there whenever I closed my eyes. They haunted my dreams. I was too afraid to even look anyone in the eyes other than Nick. I felt like everyone knew. That everyone knew I was so easy they could have their way whenever.
That cruel, sick bastard stole my dignity and pride.
The first night I didn’t sleep. I didn’t move or say anything. I held Nick tight and close to me so he wouldn’t leave. He didn’t sleep much either, so alert and protective. I’m sure he got an hour or so towards sunrise though.
Next band practice, Nick forced me to come with.
“He’ll be there! He’ll do it again! I can’t go! You can let him do that to me again!”
“Baby, I promise you, you’ll be fine. Just stay at my side the whole time. Don’t talk to him or look at him at all. But we need to practice. I’ll deal with Tanner myself, but after that, we need to try to stay intact even with the tension, or all we’ve worked for would be for nothing.”
“You hold your band higher than me. Higher than my feelings, my emotions, my protection. Now, with Tanner and even that night in Tampa, when you kidnapped me. Just so you could keep your band together. No thought for me.”
He turned and took slow, baby steps back to me, wrapping his arms around my waist, “We’ve only been together a week. This band’s been together 10 years. If I don’t keep it together, I’ll lose everything. I was never really friends with them. Right now, you’re really all I have. And I don’t hold them higher than you. You and your feelings, your emotions, and especially your protection, are the most important to me. But I can’t take care of you if I can’t take care of myself first.”
He kissed me lightly and I wrapped my

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