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day I sleep!”

“That’s grate Sam... Umm did you like the present?”

“I love it; sorry I didn’t tell you before. With my mom’s wedding and the trip to Australia it has been crazy around here.”

“You are going to Australia?”

“Yes, but just for a couple of weeks, then I’ll come back. It is just to make sure that my mom is fine, she is going to live there for three years.”

“Oh that’s nice... I will travel around the world someday too! Ha ha ha!”

“ I’m sure will have fun... well Alex I have to go now...”

“Thank you Sam. For calling and for keep being you. Once again, have a nice trip!”

“Thanks... Umm... Alex?”

”Yes!?”

“I remember everything! ... so don’t forget to remember...”

“I will never forget Sam... Never!”

“Me neither, Alex. Good bye now.” <I love you!! But again, I couldn’t tell her that.>

“Good Bye Sam.”

Two weeks in Australia went flying. I left my mom crying but with the feeling that she was going to be fine. Barry was a little worry, but I let him know that I will call with frequency. I returned to England and started to work again the very next day. Katy was very depressed and now that I was living alone she was trying to convince me to live together. I explained to her thousands of reason for not let her live with me, but she was so persistent. Every time she talked about it we ended fighting. Every fight was worse than the one before. Our relationship was getting harder and harder to handle but she didn’t wanted to understand that it was over... she was the one pushing, demanding, invading...She was crazy and she was taking me with her.

By the end of November I was exhausted. Working like if my life depended on it, fighting almost all the time with Katy, Afraid because Alex didn’t gave signals of being alive and Katy giving all the signals that she wanted to starve to dead. Mom was fine and we talked by phone and see each other on Skype. When December began, the weather was getting the best of me. I didn’t stop to work and was very tired because I wasn’t sleeping too much. I sent Alex a text messages for her 17’s birthday, but she replay with a short message saying thank you and hopping for me to be ok. I secretly was making valid my high school diploma for other countries and was also in contact with the university in California, filling forms and applications and doing everything that need it to be done for me to study in the USA. The only thing pending in my life was Katy. In a couple of times I tried to break up with her, but she wouldn’t listen, instead she will hold back a few days and then came back like nothing had happen. She wasn’t eating properly and her parents would call me from time to time to ask me to convince Katy to accept medical help. She kept telling me that she didn’t need it, that she only need it me. Me, I did feel like looking for help and talk with somebody, but then, it was Katy the one needing the help, not me.

Everything was really bad with Katy until the Christmas Eve. After that day everything changes to worse.
On Christmas Eve I worked until 10:30pm. Betty, my co-worker was closing with me and she was a little reckless. She was rubber last week after work and became very afraid of walking alone to the train station. That night she was waiting for his boyfriend and ask me to make her some company while waiting for him. We were laughing of the drunken customers and the ones that try to hit on her. She was a pretty girl, and very easy going too. Paul, her boyfriend was a lucky guy!

“What are you doing?” < When I heard the voice of Katy... I just got a bad feeling. She was mad.>

“Hey, Katy, what are you doing here?” <She was supposed to wait for me in the train station near her house! But she never listen.>

“You were Late, so I decided to come to look for you... And you are with that b***H!! <Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy!>

“I’m sorry Betty... Katy she is Betty and please, apologizes to her! We are waiting for her boyfriend to pick her up.”

“So she is cheating on her boyfriend too!!! < Katy was screaming now, and I was so embarrassed. In that moment Betty’s boyfriend came.>

“What’s going on Betty?” <He asks her with concern, but pick up the situation very quickly.>

“It’s just a misunderstanding Paul. Sam and I were waiting for you but-“

“She’s cheating on you with MY BOYFRIEND!!! <I was looking at Katy amaze... She really was nuts and out of control and this was just the last thing I need it to lose my control too.>

“I’m so sorry Paul, Betty. Have a Merry Christmas” < I took Kate by the arm and held it very tight. And grabbing her I started to walk to the train station.

“Are you out of your mind? We were waiting for Paul Katy!! I wasn’t cheating!! I don’t cheat!! You are driven me crazy!” < I was loosening my control… I was screaming at her too.>

“But I saw you!! You were laughing and having fun!! You work with her and she is very “friendly” with you!! She likes you!! And you like her!”

“Why are you assuming that? Katy I’m tire... I’m going home.” < Enough is enough. We were almost at the train station.>

“You don’t laugh with me anymore!!” <She was crying like a baby, in front of everybody in the platform.> “You just work and work! We don’t even have sex because you are tired ALL TE TIME!”

“Katy, please, calm down. We are not alone here.” < I was trying to calm myself and her at the same time. We were waiting the train and she was screaming our private matter out loud.>

“I DON’T CARE!!! I DON’T CARE IF EVERYBODY ELSE HEARS!” <Sobs.> “You don’t love me anymore, do you?

I couldn’t answer her. I wasn’t going to. For me this was my limit. I couldn’t keep trying for someone that didn’t really love. She didn’t know what love was. She was obsessed, she was sick. She was pulling me and her parents in this madness.

“DO YOU SAMUEL!? DO YOU LOVE ME?” < She was screaming. I was glad to see in the distant the police officers and to hear the train coming. For just one second, I thought everything was going to be fine.>

“DO YOU LOVE ME SAMUEL?”

“No, Katy... I don’t love you anymore.” < I was honest finally, sad, tired and frustrated, but honest.>

“BUT I LOVE YOU!” <She screamed at me with all the air in her longs, with everything she had. She had her hand in her hair, and with that, she suddenly ran and jumped in front of the train... And the worse Christmas of my life began.>

Everything became a chaos. Everybody was screaming in panic and running in the exit direction, one of the police officer hold me on and the other was calling 911. I was in Shock! I didn’t understood what was going on. She just disappeared. We were fighting on second, and the next second she vanished. I felt like if cold water was falling on my head and through my body. The realisation of Katy jumping in front of the train and killing herself hit me so hard that my legs started to shake and nauseas were invading me. I throw up whatever was in my stomach. My head was spinning and I was so dizzy that I lose conscience.

When I woke up, I was in the hospital and my aunt was next to me. She was holding my hand and was crying in silence. When she saw me awake she hugged me so hard that I was starting feel suffocated. We didn’t speak. I just started to cry like a lost child. I cried my heart out, until no more tear were left. I cried like I never had in my entire life, until I fell asleep again.

The memories of December, January and February were blurred. The time passes by visiting the psychologies, the court, and the post trauma therapy. I quit my job, and avoid contact with people. My aunt took over me and my mom came to stay with me until the end of February. I started to smoke, and never took the train again. Georges came too to distract me and to finish the preparation to come back to USA with him. The only thing that kept me sane and avoiding the suicide thought that keep popping to my mind was the text message.

Hi Sam! I wanted to call you but the call never went through. So, I wish you a Merry Christmas! I hope God blessed you with love in everything in your life. I wish for your Dreams to come true and hope my love can reach you some day. Merry Christmas! I love you!
XOXOXOX
Alex J.




Now I’m here in California... And I can’t stop thinking when did it go wrong?




Chapter 4: After Party





“God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
God blesses those who are gentle and lowly, for the whole earth will belong to them.”
Matthew 5:4-5




“Hey! … Hey! Are you going to sleep the whole day! It’s three in the afternoon already. The old man wants to talk to you … Hey!”

“Get out!”

“Sam, get up! It’s Late! Get up”

Georges wasn’t going to stop bothering until he saw me getting up, so I got up and flash him daggers with my eyes. The headache was annoying and my throat was dry and my voice husky.

“I’m up, so get out. I‘ll take a shower. What time does He want to see me?”

“You have two hours.”

The last night party kept replaying in my head. My date didn’t want to leave the party and she decides to stay there with a new guy. After I saw Alex and her date making up in the parking lot, I just didn’t have the strength to stay. I was tired, and most of all, hurt. Watching Alex in the arms of another guy was corroding my soul. And to make it complete, her best friend saw me watching them and stopped me for coming after them. In that moment I wanted to take Alex away from him and kidnaping her, I wanted to keep her with me all night and love her until morning. I was sure Yami wouldn’t keep the secret from Alex. But at least I tried. Everything was my fault anyway. I was the one pushing Alex out of my life, but I didn’t know it was going to hurt so much. I thought it was going to take a while but, she is starting to move on. I never expected she was that kind of girl. But again, you never know. One day they said they love you and the next you know

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