The Lexal Affair - DM Arnold (feel good books .txt) 📗

a Floran way. Wanting to patch things up with an ex-lover is a good thing, and a Floran thing. I desperately want to be on friendly terms with Senta. Expressing fondness by sharing the gift is a good thing, and a Floran thing, too.”

“So you don't mind...”

“Not at all. I am hurt by your actions, though -- because you weren't honest with me -- because you felt you had to ... skulk around behind my back and lie to me and your mom about your whereabouts. Our relationship must be founded on trust. I'll never lie to you.”

“Oh, Nykkyo...”

He brushed away a tear. “You hurt me, Suki -- by lying to me.”

“Oh, God -- the last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. I'm so sorry ... I really am, Nykkyo.”

“What hurt more is that you couldn't trust me -- that you felt the need to lie. Suki, you need keep nothing from me. If you had told me you wanted to spend time with Alice...”

“You probably would've told me to enjoy myself. Oh, God, Nykkyo ... oh, God...”

“If you decide you want to spend time with someone else -- or, even live with them -- there's nothing I can do to stop you. I hold no authority over you. All I can do is to demonstrate my love for you and to hope you don't find a better offer. I would expect you to be honest with me about it.”

“Oh, God...” Her body shook from her sobbing. “This is worse than a scolding. I deserve that -- not this. What did I do to deserve you? Can you forgive me?”

“I don't think you were trying to injure me -- in fact I believe you were trying to spare me. You probably thought what I didn't know wouldn't hurt me and you could put this Alice incident behind you and no one would be the wiser. Your actions make sense, from an Earth values framework. Things just didn't work out for you.” He kissed the top of her head.

“No, Nykkyo ...What I did was wrong under any values framework. It'll never happen again, I promise. Please forgive me... please...”

“I can and I do.” Nyk stroked her back. “It's behind us now, korlyta. Let's consider it a learning experience.”

“A learning experience?”

“Why don't we get ready for bed?”

He lay with his fingers locked behind his head. Suki entered, brushing her hair. She clipped it into a ponytail, slipped off her robe and joined him.

“Are you feeling better, now?” he asked.

“No. Nykkyo, I can't believe how you're taking this. When I walked in, I figured you'd be angry. I expected you'd yell at me. I thought maybe you'd leave me. I was even a little afraid you might hit me, although I know you're too gentle for that. I never in my life expected you to react by loving me. If the tables had been turned -- if it had been you, dragging your ass home after some affair, I ... I don't know what I'd do -- but I know for a fact I wouldn't have responded as you did. I can't believe you can just put this behind us. I can't believe we can go on as if nothing happened.”

“We won't -- something did happen.” He showed her his right palm. Across it was a line -- the scar he received from stopping her suicide. “It's like this -- sometimes our actions leave a scar. But -- we heal, and we go forward. We're strengthened by adversity.” He stroked her arm. “Suki, there's nothing you can say or do that'll change how I love you. Remember that.”

“Nothing? Not even this?”

“Not even this. I'm a Floran, after all. Florans have discarded the possessive aspect of love and lovemaking. We think it's all right to love more than one -- more than all right -- a good thing. Tell me -- do you think your feelings for Alice somehow diminished how you felt for me?”

Suki lay, contemplating. “Of course not,” she finally replied.

“I have much the same situation with Senta. Even though she and I are dissolving our marriage, I still care for her. I long to have her as a friend. Do you understand?”

“It's not easy for me.”

“If I can retain her as my friend -- we may find ourselves making love. It's what friends do on my world. True love isn't selfish -- it's generous. The human heart has an infinite capacity for love. Accepting that notion is liberating. We judge love and commitment by how generous we are. Our society isn't materialistic, so we give each other trust and freedom.”

“And, forgiveness.”

“When forgiveness is warranted.” He kissed her forehead. “Jealousy is considered in very poor taste on my world.” He kissed her again. “It's our way. Well -- it's our ideal, at least. We're human, after all -- and humans have faults -- but we try.”

“I'm trying, too...”

“Remember this, Suki -- I'm here for you. I've joined myself to you. I'm your best friend and your strongest ally. You need never fear being open with me. Will you remember that?” She nodded. “Good.” He continued to gaze into her eyes. With his finger he traced her cheek, down her neck and shoulder and along her arm. He took her hand and placed it on his chest. “Then, let's do what friends and lovers do.”

“I don't think I can tonight,” she said. “Do you need it?”

“Yes, I ... you ... we need it.” He slipped his hand behind her head and drew her lips to his.

“Is this how Florans make up?”

“It's how the ones who are serious about their love do.”

She ran her fingers across his skin. Tears formed in her eyes. “I can't... I can't enjoy myself feeling all this guilt.”

“I feel hurt. We must go beyond -- to prove our love is stronger than the hurt and the guilt. Don't you think so?”

“I'd like to believe it is.”

“Then, korlyta, the time has come for you to learn the Floran way.” He caressed her cheek with the backs of his fingers. “Look into my eyes... deep into my eyes.” He gazed into hers. “Empty your mind of thoughts -- push the guilt aside. Fill your mind instead with your partner. It's giving and trust, Suki. Give one hundred percent of yourself toward pleasing me and trust me to do the same toward you -- the result will be better for both of us. Do you understand?”

She nodded.

“Good. Now -- touch me like this...”

Nyk descended the stairs and stepped into the kitchen. Yasuko intercepted him. “How's our little stray this morning?”

“She's fine.”

“Did she say where she was?”

“Yes.”

“Where?”

“She was with Alice.”

“I suspected as much. I'm so sorry. I told you that woman is trouble.”

“She's over it.”

“Is she? What about you, Nick? Are you over it?”

“Yes -- her intentions were good.”

“So she says.”

“It was her execution that was flawed -- I'm convinced of it. We had a talk last night.”

“I heard you two ... talking.” She rolled her eyes. “It seems the nights I think you two are happiest I hear crying, and when you're the most troubled I hear ... what sounds like a pair of newlyweds.”

“When's your birthday, Yasuko? I think I'll buy you a pair of earplugs.”

“I don't know how you can be so tolerant. I half expected to see you heading out the door with your bags packed -- and I wouldn't have blamed you one iota.”

“Yasuko, in my mind the incident is behind us. You would please me if you'd put it behind us, too.”

Suki entered the kitchen in a denim jumper, her hair wet. She approached her mother and embraced her. “Mom -- I'm so sorry for worrying you.”

Yasuko hugged her daughter and glanced toward Nyk. “I accept your apology. I'm just happy you're safe. Would you like some breakfast?”

“I'll get some at the university. I have a backlog of work to catch up on.”

Nyk gulped the last of his coffee and headed out the door with her.

He sat with her on the subway. She leaned against him. “Nykkyo -- about last night... Are you getting over the hurt?”

“Yes -- are you getting over the guilt?” She nodded. “Then -- not another word.”

The train entered the tunnel under the East River.

“Nykkyo -- about last night...”

“I thought we agreed not another word.”

“I'm thinking maybe I should cancel my counseling appointments.”

“Why would you think that?”

“I learned more about life and love last night than I would from a year's worth of counseling sessions. Living with you and loving you is all the therapy I need.”

“Remember, you promised your mother you'd stick with the sessions for a year.”

“No, I promised I'd stick with them until the baby is born ... do you really think I need them? Am I really in such bad shape?” Nyk looked into her face. “I suppose I am...”

“I'd like to know what your counselor will say about what happened last night.”

“I know what she'll say. She'll say I'm very fortunate to have such an understanding partner.”

Suki stood as the train approached Grand Central. “I'll see you right here tonight,” he said.

“You can depend on it.”

5 -- Domains of Responsibility

Nyk embraced Suki at the international departure lounge at JFK. “This is almost as bad as when you moved to New York,” he said. “It's hard to let you go.”

“It's only for three weeks.”

“Are you nervous?”

“A bit,” she replied. “But, I'm also looking forward to it. This is my real profession. I enjoyed teaching, but my true love is digging in the dirt.”

“You'll be careful.”

“Of course I will. I'm a New York girl, remember?” She kissed him. Nyk heard an announcement the flight to Turkey was ready for boarding. Suki whispered in his ear, “Nykkyo, mi z'am. Mi va'terne z'am.”

He whispered to her, “Mi mikont. Mi anke z'am. Have a good trip, korlyta.” She turned and headed for the security checkpoint.

Nykkyo descended the stairs from the apartment and walked into the kitchen, “Can I help, Yasuko?”

“Thank you, Nick, but I think everything's under control here.”

Nyk walked into the living room and surveyed it. He recalled he had first walked into the house a few short months ago as a stranger. Now, this was his home, and it felt more like home to him than did the Residence in Sudal.

He spotted Suki's father sitting at the go board studying patterns of black and white stones. “George, do you fancy a game?”

George cleared the board of stones. “I offer you black.”

“I'll take white,” Nyk replied. George smacked the first stone onto the gridded board and Nyk responded with his own. They began to build black and white patterns in an attempt to claim territory, rapidly trading moves.

“You do play well,” George said. “Playing against you has sharpened my game. I should take you with me to the Queens Go Club.”

Their game slowed as it progressed. Nyk was absorbed in the patterns of black and white. He became aware George was regarding him. He looked up and into George's eyes. “I'm happy we can have a few moments to talk, Nick. You're normally so occupied with Sukiko. Yasuko and I are pleased you've entered our lives. It's amazing to me one person could make such a difference.”

“I want nothing more than to be here for Suki when she needs me.”

“You must've been heaven-sent. You certainly have turned her life around.”

“I didn't do it. It was Suki's choice -- her accomplishment.”

“There were times during her teen years I was convinced she'd end up in jail -- or dead. I'm sorry. I shouldn't say such to you.”

“I know some of Suki's difficulties.”

George looked at the board. “I do love her, Nick. I know she doesn't always believe that.”

“I know you do. I can feel it.”

“For God's sake -- she's my daughter -- my own flesh and blood. How could I not love her?” He placed a stone. “I don't understand why we can't get along -- why I must feel like I'm walking on eggs whenever she's around?”

“May I be frank, George?”

“Certainly, Nick --