Traveller - L.W. Samuelson (free e books to read online TXT) 📗

the translator off. He followed the Earthlings into the restaurant. Jesse stopped at the ‘Wait to be Seated’ sign. When the maitre de came over he said, "We'd like a booth in the back."
A short while after they were seated, a waitress brought a tray with tortilla chips, salsa, and refried beans. Jesse picked up a tortilla chip and dipped it in the refrieds. "See Travis," he said taking a bite.
Traveller mimicked his friend. The tortilla chips and bean dip filled his mouth with a taste he found unimaginably good. The beans were somewhat sweet and had a mush-like consistently while the chips were crunchy with a salty taste. It was a contrast of flavors and textures. He closed his eyes with pleasure.
When he opened them, he watched Lori dip a chip in the red salsa. As she took a bite, her face displayed pleasure. Eager for another new flavor, he quickly chewed the chip in his mouth barely remembering to swallow. Grabbing another chip, the alien used it to dive bomb the salsa. He held his hand under the dripping chip and stuffed it in his mouth. The combination of cilantro, jalapenos, tomatoes, and onions exploded with flavor. "Bon bon leti watwa!" he said.
Traveller grabbed another chip. First, he dipped it in the refrieds then it was drenched in salsa before he popped it in his mouth. The third chip produced a totally new flavor. This one tasted better than the other two. "Bon bon!"
"Go for it!" Jesse encouraged as the shoveling match commenced with Lori bowing out of the competition.
"Mausi, mausi," Traveller said when the chips and dips were gone.
The waitress had returned. When she heard Traveller, she asked, "Does he need more chips?"
"Yes, please," said Jesse, "and some more salsa and refrieds."
The waitress returned with another tray and her order tablet. "Are you guys ready?" she asked. Traveller was so intent on eating, he didn't look up.
Lori looked at Jesse. "What do you think he'd like?" she said watching him gorging on chips.
"Something without meat. Travis," Jesse nodded at the alien, "will have the chile relleno. I want steak enchiladas.”
“And I’ll have the cheese enchiladas,” said Lori.
As the waitress wrote their order down, she glanced at Traveller. “He must be starved.”
“He hasn’t had a decent meal in years,” Jesse joked.
“What’ll you guys have to drink?”
“Three cokes with lots of ice,” said Lori.
Twenty minutes later, their orders were placed before them. Traveller picked his tray up and sniffed it. He sat it back in the booth with a pained expression of his face. Lori followed his eyes and just before he dipped his fingers into the refrieds and rice, she said, “Here use your silverware.” She handed him a spoon then demonstrated its use by scooping some rice and beans into her own mouth.
The Benwarian unrolled his silverware from the green cloth napkin and grabbed his spoon when it clattered on the table. He took his first bite of rice and beans topped with cheese. He chewed, swallowed then exclaimed, “Boni bon bon!”
“Shh, shush,” Lori put one finger over her lips to quiet the out of control alien.
Traveller turned blue with embarrassment before the wonderful taste of the beans beckoned him and his spoon to the attack. Scoop, chew, swallow, scoop, chew, swallow. He paused to scrape some enchilada sauce over the rice and then it was scoop, chew, and swallow until the beans and rice were gone. Now he mustered himself for the assault on the chile relleno. Even Jesse couldn’t keep up with the alien eating-machine.
Lori had stopped eating to watch Traveller dig into the chilies. They had a fried egg on top covered with melted pepper jack cheese. He looked at them momentarily trying to decide on the best course of attack. Finally, he held the tortillas in place with a fork and cut the serving into bite-sized pieces with his knife. First a pause to replace the utensils with his spoon and then the carnage began. Scoop, chew, and swallow until his plate was clean.
“Try your coke,” Lori said pointing to the drink that fizzed before him.
Traveller picked the glass up and drank. The liquid popped with a pleasant sensation as it went down his throat. He took several gulps before the carbonation built up into a burp of monumental proportions. “RAWT . . . RRRAWT,” with watering eyes he set the glass down and smiled.
Jesse laughed. Lori turned red with embarrassment. “That’s very bad manners,” she said.
Traveller couldn’t understand her, but he sensed displeasure. “Belwa bitty bot?” he said.
Jesse had left off laughing to finish his meal. He sipped his coke through a straw so as not to be belching. He knew Lori was getting miffed, and she had a million ways to get even with him so he thought it best to be on his best behavior. He even decided to be helpful, “Here Traveller sip through your straw,” he said showing the alien the proper technique.
While Jesse and Traveller sipped their cokes, Lori ate what she wanted of her meal. When she finished, there was still one enchilada with some rice and beans. She shoved her plate into the middle of the table then said, “There you go.”
Jesse nodded to Traveller. They piled into her leftovers. Jesse attacked the enchilada, Traveller the beans and rice. A few scoops, chews, and swallows later, her plate joined the two stacked on the edge of the table.
There was a momentary silence as everyone sat waiting for the food to settle. Lori rummaged in her checkbook for the twenty and five dollar bill she had stashed inside of it. She picked the slip up from the table to examine it. “Are you guys ready?” the words were more of a prod than a question.
Jesse took Traveller outside while Lori paid for the meal. Eighteen dollars and ninety-five cents for the food and a three-dollar tip left her with three dollars for the rest of the week. She joined them outside.
Traveller waited by the driver’s side door. He hugged her and said, “Thank you.”
The alien’s touch brought visions of the forest, the sensation of being near the ocean, and the warmth of acceptance. She found herself hugging him back.
“Yeah, thanks Sis,” Jesse chimed in pleased.
On the short trip into Pocatello, the beans combusted into ballistic emanations that started in Traveller’s gut and ended in flatulence. Traveller felt a painful swelling in his digestive system before he let one loose quietly.
Lori and Jesse rolled their windows down. “Silent and deadly. That stinks and I didn’t do it,” Jesse laughed.
Traveller turned the translator on. “Sorry,” he apologized before lifting his leg and letting another one loose. A loud “Bbblutttttttttt” reverberated throughout the van. “I’m not used to eating, what did you call them?”
“Beans you rotten alien, beans,” said Jesse. “There’s only one way to deal with an alien attack,” he said before leaning on his right leg to give clear passage to the wind inside of him. “Bbbluttttt, Bbbbluttt, take that you rotten bean boy.”
Between himself and Jesse, Traveller had never smelled anything so awful. “Are we going to live? Surely we are rotting on the inside.”
“You two might make it, but one more blast like that and I’m done,” Lori said with a grimace as she held her head out the window. “Tell me when you're done.”
“We’re done,” said Jesse holding one in until she put her head back inside and then “Bbblutttt, Bbbbluttt.”
“You stinkin’ pig!” Lori yelled.
Traveller sensed her anger so he held the one building inside of him in until it built into a giant explosion that couldn’t be contained. “BBBLUTTT, BBBLUTTT.”
“Stick your butts out the window until we get home or you can both walk,” Lori said after she figured the smell had passed and it was safe to stick her head in the van to deliver the order. She even slowed down to make sure they got the message.
They drove through town with two butts and one head hanging out of the open windows of the van. With Jesse laughing and passing gas while Traveller passed gas and worried about upsetting Lori.

The dusk had darkened into night when they pulled up in front of Jesse’s dorm. “Just leave the glider in the van, I’ll take it back tomorrow,” said Jesse as he took his coat from Traveller. “I’ll come and get you when I’m done with classes, Traveller.”
"Can I roll my window up now," the Benwarian asked after she pulled away from the curb.
"Are you done passing gas?" she asked.
"Yes, I think so."
"Remind me never to take another alien for Mexican food," she said putting a hand on his arm and smiling.
"Sorry, Lori. I've never eaten human food before. It was acroluminous to say the least, but I had no idea it would produce rotten gas inside of my body."
"Yeah I know. Feeding you creamed broccoli is out of the question for a while."
They arrived at Lori's apartment a few minutes later. She pulled into the alley and then turned into the parking space designated for her in the back of the house. She had an upstairs apartment with a carpeted living room and bedroom with a bathroom and small kitchen. Located within walking distance of the campus, she rarely drove her van to school preferring the fresh air and exercise.
It was nine o'clock when they climbed the stairs to the apartment. "I'll fix a place for you on the couch before I get ready for bed," said Lori. "Do you want to watch T.V. while you're waiting?"
"What is T.V.?" he asked.
"It is people play acting to entertain other people."
"Why would someone watch someone else pretending to live a life that they can live themselves?" asked Traveller.
"For the same reason you spent most of your time in virtual reality when you were on your spaceship, most of us live lives that are extremely boring," Lori replied. She turned the television on. "I get four stations, tell me what one you want to watch," she said turning the dial on top of the set.
After the third channel, Traveller stopped her when he heard a man singing,
"Where, oh where, are you tonight?"
"Why did you leave me here all alone?"
It saddened him that the man had found true love only to have his mate leave him when she found someone else. He was so engrossed by his thoughts that he didn't notice Lori leave the room. He watched the show as the humans hid behind yellow plants with stalks. One of them would pop up to say something before hiding again then another would pop up. Laughter followed but he didn't see anyone laughing. It puzzled him, especially since nothing they said was funny.
Later on in the show, two men leaned of some kind of tool to sing the saddest song he had ever heard.
"Gloom despair and agony on me!"
"Deep dark depression, excessive misery."
The humans barely finished the song before they broke into tears. Traveller found himself crying in sympathy. Tears were still rolling down his face when Lori came back. Her face was covered in aquamarine cold cream. Traveller not knowing what it was, jumped up in alarm. "Are you sick? You look sick. What happened?"
"I'm fine. What's wrong with you?" she asked.
"The humans on this show. They laugh one minute and cry the next. That song they just sung made me cry it was so sad," he said. "What on your face?"
"It's called cold cream. It keeps my skin looking young and beautiful."
"Oh Lori, you're beautiful without cream, you don't need