Animaton - Judy Colella (carter reed TXT) 📗

not a priority, she figured, and she could eat later on, but right now, she wanted to enjoy the warmth on her bare arms and face, breathe in the way green smelled greener when the sun was out, and maybe write another poem or two to celebrate the reprieve – even if it was probably for a short time, or perhaps especially for that reason.

Eccentricity, she decided, settling herself on the boulder again, was nothing to be ashamed of, and nothing to shun. She giggled, and got to work.

 

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

 

“I’m tired of not knowing. I’m tired of the ignorance, the confusion, the lack of logic to any of this! What the hell happened? How is any of this possible? I...I just sit in a continuous day, not moving, not noticing when daylight darkness with the shades down becomes nighttime darkness, because regardless, I can still see everything. In the dark. There’s no change. I wish I could eat because I miss the flavors, but I have no hunger. And – I wish I could breathe so I could experience once more how good a deep sigh feels, but I can’t. All I can do is draw in enough air to speak. Have you found out anything? Anything at all?”

“No. I’m sorry, Julian. You know I’ve spent the past three years looking, and I feel terrible that I have to bring you the same answer every time. If I just knew where to look, or who to ask. You know I have to be careful about that one, yes? Too many questions about something so odd could lead to a search. And I really doubt you’re in the mood to be a lab rat.”

“As if anyone could hold me.”

“True. So what will you do now?”

The rustle of cloth in the darkness indicated the young man’s shrug. “No idea. Ha. I can’t even go out and get drunk – not that I used to, but what the hell. Anything would be better than this endlessness.”

“Why don’t you at least go outside once in a while?”

“Really?” Another sound of movement, and then a lamp lit up on the table to Julian’s right.

His friend squinted for a moment in the brightness, a moment later he gasped, flinching backward into his chair.

“You were saying?” asked Julian, not even trying to soften the sarcasm.

“But – what the hell is that?”

“Strange how you can’t detect it in the dark.” Julian gave a short, unhappy laugh. And blinked, his lids temporarily flashing over eyes that were no longer human, but holes behind which sizzled horizontal black and white static.

What the hell, indeed.

DAY 1 - ADDENDUM ET OBSERVATIONS

Oh God – what’s going on NOW??? I’ve done very little all day but stare out the window, pace, look in the mirror, pace some more, and then, help me, then the sun went down and I could still see – without turning on the lights! I went to switch one on when I saw the time but realized I didn’t need to, and oh lord, oh lord, I am SO FREAKED OUT!!! I don’t know what to do. I’m not tired, I’m not hungry, and I filled up the bathtub with water and stuck my head in it for ALMOST AN HOUR! Stared at the bottom of the tub, wanting to cry. Then I got up and the water – it just rolled off my skin like in a video game and I was completely dry instantly. I can’t cry. I can’t sob. There’s no place for the air to come from. Nothing in me to produce tears. Can I kill myself? Maybe I’ll try before morning. This is too insane to live with. I’ll write a note or something, leave it with my Journal open to these two pages. I’m losing my mind, and can’t stop or change any of it. Hell!

 

~~~~~~~

 

THIS WAS THE MOST EXCRUCIATING PART, YOU KNOW, AND I HATED DOING IT.

BUT IT MUST BE THIS WAY. YOU NEVER SHOULD HAVE READ HER JOURNAL.

I’VE BEEN READING HER JOURNAL SINCE I CHANGED HER NEARLY A MONTH AGO... SO MUST IT REALLY BE THIS WAY? WRESTLING WITH QUESTIONS, DEALING WITH THE BELIEF THAT YOU’VE GONE INSANE? AVOIDING CONTACT WITH EVERY OTHER HUMAN ON THE PLANET UNTIL YOUR LEADER FINDS YOU AND HELPS YOU ADJUST?

IT MUST AND YOU KNOW WHY.

I KNOW WHY. BUT IT STILL HURTS TO WATCH. THIS GROUP IS DIFFERENT FROM THE OTHERS; I LIKE THEM.

YOU CAN’T LIKE ANY OF THEM – YOU KNOW THAT, TOO. STOP FEELING SO DEEPLY. STOP FEELING AT ALL. SOON ENOUGH THEY’LL BE AMONG US AND THEN YOU CAN FEEL WHATEVER YOU LIKE. BUT FOR NOW, UNTIL THEY PROVE THEMSELVES AND SURVIVE THIS PART, CUT YOURSELF OFF AND BE AN OBSERVER ONLY.

HMM. SO EASY TO SAY, SO DIFFICULT TO DO. FOR ME, ANYWAY. YOU’RE OLDER AND MORE PRACTICED AT BEING STONE-SOULED.

NO, JUST OLDER AND MUCH WISER. NOW PLEASE BE STILL SO WE CAN DO OUR JOB.

RIGHT.

LOOK FOR FATAL FLAWS.

I’D SAY SUICIDE WAS PRETTY FATAL, OR ATTEMPTED SUICIDE, POOR GIRL. I ALMOST THINK HER FAILURE AT IT WAS WORSE THAN TRYING IT.

THEY ALL TRY IT AT LEAST ONCE, AS YOU KNOW. THE ONE WHO IS NEARLY READY TRIED IT ONLY AFTER SIX MONTHS, BUT HE SEEMS A LITTLE STRONGER THAN THE REST. THAT’S WHY HE WAS CHOSEN FIRST, OF COURSE.

HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT? TWO OF THEM HAVEN’T EVEN STARTED YET.

NO, I MEAN STRONGER THAN THE REST OF ALL WHO GOT THROUGH.

WHEN DO WE CHANGE THE COWBOY?

DON’T BE SO IMPATIENT. LET HIM GRADUATE FROM SCHOOL FIRST. THE POET, HOWEVER, CAN BE CHANGED TONIGHT.

FINE. AND I’M SORRY, BUT I REALLY DO HATE DOING THIS.

YOU HATE NOTHING. HATRED IS BEYOND YOU. BUT YES, I KNOW IT HURTS YOU. AS I SAID BEFORE, THOUGH, IT MUST BE THIS WAY.

YES. IT MUST.

TWO

 

Somebody was knocking, the sound intruding on Julian’s eternal daydream, making him frown. Almost no one from his former life knew he was here, and those he had recently met had been warned never to disturb him. Only his friend Rémy, who had left a few days ago after giving his disappointing report, was acquainted with his whereabouts and unless he’d learned something new, had no reason to return so soon.

The knocking continued, so he got up, put on the sunglasses that kept him looking at least somewhat human, and went to the door.

Julian had been 21 now for three years, and while he hadn’t aged, he had filled out, gotten ridiculously stronger, and was a good three inches taller than his original 5’11”. But his skin looked like some kind of plastic and not at all natural, too perfect, smooth, no pores. His looks seemed to have slowly morphed into something more beautiful, too. Anything asymmetrical about him was now in perfect balance, and his honey-gold hair had grown but couldn’t be cut. It had finally stopped growing when it was halfway down his back, and now he wore it smoothed into a long ponytail.

He didn’t look like himself at all.

“Who is it?” he asked through the door without touching its surface. If he had, he would have instantly been given an image of the person on the other side, but this ability scared the crap out of him so he never used it.

“Julian Rousseau?” The voice was deep, male, the question sounding more like a demand.

“What do you want?”

“FBI. Please open the door.”

Why would – maybe his family...no, the FBI would never have been called in on a simple missing-persons case three years after first being reported. And Rémy certainly wouldn’t have said anything to anyone, would he?

“Mr. Rousseau – do not make us use force.”
Us? He undid the two locks, turned the knob and stepped back.
Four men in dark suits entered the small apartment, two of them pushing past Julian and going to the living room window for some reason. Were they expecting him to jump out or something? Another went into the single bedroom, came back out a second later, and checked the kitchen.

“Did you lose something?” Julian, unable to curb his annoyance, glared at the man’s back. As if he didn’t already have enough to deal with...

“Just you. Who else knows you’re here?”

“The landlord. The neighbor next door. Why?”
The man stared, jaw outthrust. “What’s with the sunglasses? You have a hangover? A migraine?”

The man who had first spoken had taken his phone from his jacket and was frowning at it. He looked up at Julian, shaking his head. “This is crazy. You don’t look like your photo, but you look exactly like it.” He put the phone away and took a deep breath, narrowing his gaze. “You’ve been living here now for close to three years. You almost never go out, you don’t order food in, no one in the building has heard the water running except for showers. We’d like to know why.”

What the hell?! “Are any of those things illegal? Have I done something wrong?”

“We don’t know. All we do know is that someone is very interested in people who behave the way you do.”

There are more like me? “And who would that be?”

“You don’t need to know.”

Julian shook his head. “I don’t agree. You’re the FBI and you’re asking a bunch of highly unconstitutional questions that by law I don’t have to answer, and I have a feeling you’re going to, er, ‘request’ that I leave with you. So, yeah, I’d say I do need to know.”

The man nodded at the two by the window and they came up behind Julian, the other one staying put by the kitchen door. “Actually, Mr. Rousseau, we would appreciate your cooperation. And yes, we’d like you to come with us.”

“You might want to reconsider that. I also get upset when people try to intimidate me, so please ask the two gentlemen behind me to back off. If you give me a good enough reason to leave, I might do so without a fight, but if you can’t come up with anything that makes sense, I’m staying right here.”

“I see.” The man looked down for a moment. “Uh, the fact is, you’re outnumbered, yes? So any fight you might put up will be useless.”

“Ah. ‘Resistance is futile,’ right? Maybe for someone else. Give me a reason, that’s all I ask.” It had occurred to Julian that whoever had sent them might actually have some answers for him, and that alone would be worth whatever price he might be forced to pay in terms of his freedom until he’d learned all he could. After